A guide on how to choose a midwife- our experience and journey

SURPRISE!

Just kidding! @xtrodinarypilot and I decided to try to have a baby a couple months after we started dating. I guess we knew we wanted to be together.
Growing up I always knew I wanted kids but I never thought about how many, what gender I wanted, names or how I was going to have them. When I was 23 I stood in the room and basically acted as a doula for a friend, twice. That is when I knew that I did not want THAT experience for myself when I had kids! It was cold, impersonal, loud, bright, student doctors were coming in and out, patient was not allowed to eat or drink, patient not allowed to get up and after they administered the epidural she was GONE! Um, no thanks!
So when Ryan and I decided to have a baby, and our pregnancy test came back positive, I started to think about what scary unknown lied ahead of me. Ryan had already experienced the process with his first child, @despool. That was not a positive experience for him. Everything he and his son's mother had discussed went out the window when doctors and family started hounding her during labor. Not only was it hectic and frustrating but they had previously decided together that they did not want to circumcise but her family talked her into getting it done. Needless to say, he definitely wanted something different for his second experience. I had been told by various people my whole life that I would not be able to naturally birth a baby because of my size. I'm 4'11' and never weighed over 100lbs before having kids. THIS was my number ONE concern going into finding what my options were that would enable me to have a natural birth.

RESEARCH

I got online and started googling every possible option from natural hospital birth, birthing centers, home birth, water birth and unassisted birth. After a week or so of looking at every possible website Ryan and I decided to go with a home birth or birthing center with a midwife. Now we needed to find a midwife or birthing center. I knew nothing about hospital births except for what I witnessed. I knew even less about home births and midwives. I found the top midwife in Houston, Pat Jones. From her Website: "Pat Jones has been a midwife for over 30 years and a Certified Nurse Midwife for over 20 years. She has operated her own home-birth practice for the entire 30+ years she has been a midwife, and has assisted in the delivery of more than 1,600 babies." Well, Pat does not take any more new clients. She is on her way to retiring. The next best was Kellie Moeller. Kellie is a protege of Pat Jones. She was my first interview.

THE INTERVIEWS

So I just sat down and started with What I wanted and What I didn't want. I wrote out every single possible question I could come up with to ask a midwife. I didn't know what the right answers were going to be but I thought maybe someone's answers would let me know if I were comfortable with having them as my caretaker. I knew I wanted someone kind. I wanted someone who could answer my questions without hesitation. I wanted someone who would give you FACTS and not just their opinion and could back up facts with resources. I wanted someone who would respect me and Ryan in our decisions. Most of all I wanted someone we could trust. If something were to happen and I did have to go to the hospital I wanted to know that this person knew what we wanted, respected what we wanted and would fight for us.
We had 3 interviews. Kellie Moeller was our first interview. We sat down with two more people and toured a birthing center.

WE MADE A DECISION

I have to say that I knew I wanted Kellie from the moment she left our interview but for good measure I went ahead and talked to a few more people. She was, by far, the best interview!!! She had an answer for every single question. Her answers were mostly based on facts, to which she sited with material she brought with her. If she gave her opinion she told you that it was her opinion. Kellie was sweet, soft spoken and encouraging but very confident in her abilities. Most of all she made me feel like I could do it, I could have my baby naturally without any interventions. She made me feel like she would be there to help and encourage but that I could labor however I wanted. I got to decide her roll in my labor. I LOVED THAT! As long as the baby and I were fine I could be free to labor my way. That was the beginning to what is now a 7 year and 3 birth relationship with Kellie Moeller.

THE CARE MY MIDWIFE PROVIDES

Prenatal- Complete detail to medical and social history. Physical check at every visit. Listen to babys heart beat at each visit. Diet and exercise sheet to track health. Mental, emotional and psychological help if/when needed. Aid in getting through any pregnancy discomforts. Birthing class once a week for 5 weeks. This is when you talk about complications and transferring. There is a binder that she has put together that goes over many many topics concerning pregnancy, labor, birth and post partum expectations. Around 36 weeks she visits your home to know where you live, see your birthing space and where birth supplies are.

Labor and Birth- Kellie brings everything with her that a NICU Level 1 would have. She monitors mama and the baby and allows you to move and be free. Staying hydrated and eating for energy are highly encouraged. She will help with positions and will massage any discomforts. She really acts as a doula. A birthing assistant is called when you are close to birthing your baby. She will coach you when to push if you want and when the baby is born she brings them right up to your chest. From there you get wrapped in warm blankets and immediately start breastfeeding. Chord clamping is put off until at least it stops pulsing, then it is tied off and cut. She aids in birthing the placenta and makes sure there is no hemorrhaging. After the baby has finished their first breastfeeding there is an herbal bath waiting for you and baby. If at any time the mama or baby is in danger you will immediately be transported by ambulance to the nearest hospital with a Level 2 NICU. If there is a complication that isn't an emergency she will discuss with you your options. If at any time you look at her and tell her you want to go to the hospital she does not question you and immediately starts the transfer.

Post Partum- Kellie visits at 24 and 48 hours. Then again at 1 week, 3 weeks and 6 weeks. She is available by phone 24/7 for any issues you may have. She is very knowledgeable on breastfeeding and gives full support. If there is something she cannot help you with she will direct you to someone who can help you.
Mommy- Help with bleeding and pain is most important. She encourages you to stay in bed for 4-6 weeks at the least. All visits she examines your uterus and asks about diet. She also pays close attention to your emotional state and lends support in the very tough first couple weeks after baby arrives.
Baby- She examines the baby during all visits. Mainly she watches breastfeeding and makes sure they baby is showing all positive signs of growth.

Kellie has a library available for you to "check out" books.

OUR BIRTHS WITH KELLIE

With Devdan I started having contractions after sweeping and mopping a clients house. We went home and started watching Pumpkinhead 2 and that's when I noticed they were getting stronger. We called Kellie and informed her and she said to just let her know when we thought she should head our way. I went into the bath and relaxed between contractions as much as I could. My mom came over and got the birthing pool set up. I never made it into the pool though. My sister also came over. Ryan called Kellie in the early morning hours and I was already moaning through contractions, she popped out of bed and flew out the door. I think I expected it to hurt a lot worse than it did. I was hovering over the toilet when Kellie got to my house, at 6am. I pushed for 13 minutes and Devdan was born at 6:13am over the toilet in our bathroom. Ryan caught Devdan and also cut his umbilical cord. Kellie was only there for 13 minutes before he was born! Total labor was from 8pm to 6:13am.

Dhara came hard and fast!! Labor was a total of 2 1/2 hours. I called Kellie when my water broke and she zipped over, wanting to be present for longer for this birth. Ryan was siting on a chair in the dining room and I was on my knees, clenching his hands during each contraction. The cliche hand crushing stories you hear about, that was a reality for this birth. IT HURT! I didn't have time to breathe or think because the contractions were so fast and strong. I don't remember too many details about this birth. I think I checked out early and just tried to make it through each contraction. Kellie caught Dhara because I had Ryan pinned down. We did not know what we were having so after I caught my breath Kellie reminds me to look. I thought it was a boy, I had no idea what a newborn girl looked like. She was born at 6am-ish also and Devdan, 3 at the time, walked out of his room about 5 minutes after she was born. Ryan cut Dharas umbilical cord.

Our favorite birth was Deveah. Kellie was out of town for this birth so we had a stand in midwife deliver Deveah, Melissa White. When my contractions started hurting a bit and I had some bloody discharge I called Melissa and had her come our way. She lived an hour away and didn't want to miss anything. We had our good friend from high school taking photos and the same birthing assistant that attended our other two births. I leaned over the bed holding Ryan's hand through contractions most of the time. Before each contraction a warm wash cloth with lavender was put on my back, this was THE BEST idea I ever had!!! When it really started hurting I got on the ground on all fours, in our room, and started pushing. Worst thing about this birth was that I was shitting each time I pushed. THIS WAS HORRIBLE. Everyone kept insuring me that it was okay. Dhara came into the room when I was pushing and got up on the bed and watched the baby come out. I finally just said fuck it, I don't care if I am shitting and i beared down and pushed with all my strength. I was screaming at the top of my lungs! We did not know what we were having this time either. Dhara was ECSTATIC that she got the sister she wanted. Deveah was born at 4:32, Melissa z caught her because once again I had Ryan pinned in front of me holding my hands. Ryan cut Deveah's umbilical cord.

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

The question is "Are we happy with our birthing experiences?" ABSOLUTELY!! They weren't exactly how we planned each one but they were great. As the one giving birth I feel like it is one of the best decisions of my life. I wouldn't change a thing! I was in control of each labor and felt empowered and supported. My husband and I are on the same page with everything concerning the births of our children. Kellie has been amazing and she holds a dear spot in my heart!! Melissa was the perfect stand in midwife, it was a bit awkward being my most vulnerable in front of someone I never met, but she was amazing and I am glad she was there. I am so glad that we did our research and found a midwife that fit us. If there is anything in my life that I am proud of it is THIS! It was the beginning of making good choices for my children. When I birth my babies a new side of me is birthed as well. I love the change I have gone through into becoming a better mom and human for these little souls. I encourage everyone to consider birth as a natural process rather than a hospital situation. Unless you are not low risk you should not be having your baby in a place that is there for emergencies. Just my opinion, though.

RESOURCES

https://midwifethinking.com/- A website created by Rachel Reed, a midwife in Australia, that has a ton of information on birth and all things concerning birth.

http://www.homebirthexperience.com/resources.html- Kellie Moeller's Resources section on her website. Great information here as well!

http://www.homebirthexperience.com/- Kellie Moeller's website

http://houstonnaturalbirth.com/about.shtml- Pat Jones website

It takes a Village

@xtdnrymompreneur