Merry Ne'kid Confectionery Christmas ~ Redux -(NQSFW)-*

in #merrynekidchristmas20186 years ago (edited)

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~ Merry Merry Very Merry Christmas, And To All A GOOD NIGHT!!!



The week leading up to Christmas is always a busy, hectic, yet fun time for me. Running about like the proverbial chicken, finishing up everything that should have been done weeks before yesterday, and getting ready for the BIG day. And one of the best parts of this whole shebang, and something that actually qualifies as an early present received before the 25th of December, is the advent of Small Ginger People Left On The Front Porch day.

My good friend Don and his girlfriend create these wondrous masterpieces every year. Hand-crafted ginger bread cookies in the shape of little folk. They bake them for all their friends, and just about everyone in town knows about them, and looks forward to them with confectionery gusto, even if they don't get any.

And my bakery friends are very sneaky. They don't announce the arrival of the treat. This all happens at the least expected time. Head out the front door to get the mail or chase a cat, and there they are. Stacked up like cookie cord-wood on their special little plate out on the front stoop. Staring up at you with their beady little wrinkly, currant eyes through the red and green transparent cello wrapping, in all their anthropomorphic glory.

Everyone involved with this Holiday reception looks forward to this ALL year long, with reckless Christmas abandon and glee. They are that good. Real ginger, with all kinds of other secret Holiday ingredients that I am fully un-aware of, but certainly do appreciate. Once I bite their little heads off and continue on down to the last crumb, as soon as they hit the kitchen counter.

Actually, there is a more proper way to eat them. The correct technique is to start eating at the arm or leg. I realize there is no manual out there for this sort of thing, but it all just makes sense, if you take the time to think about it. Always start small, and work up to the good stuff at the last. It's a lot like the sport of bowling. Why get early strikes, when you can WOW everyone at the end with a massive, pin-dropping comeback?

One thing you must remember though, is to make sure to turn them over, before you start to eat. Otherwise, they stare up at you in their sad, doomed, doughy way, as if to plead “Hey, don't eat me, THEY look a whole lot better over THERE!” Nah...just turn them over, and ruthlessly munch away.


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And this year, as you can see, even MORE dough has been selectively added to them than in previous installments. Our cookie creators' decided to model realistic, anatomically correct male and female ginger people of the flour-based variety. With all the bits and parts pretty much where they're supposed to be. A tad lumpy and miss-shappen maybe, but still mostly present and accounted for.

PLEASE NOTE: I made sure I properly displayed them on this site, as to not cause un-toward difficulties at home or office, in deference to those uncomfortable with too much nakedness in their Holiday snack items.

And as such, you can't see ALL of them, so you'll just have to trust me...those little doobers, daybob's and the "other such" are all there. And for some reason, this seems to make them even harder to eat. Not only do they have eyes, and navels to mess about with your mind, but now, whenever I take a bite towards the privates, it causes a slight pain in the Chestnuts. Oh well, nothing like a good taste-treat to help one get over difficult times. This year's batch didn't last long, that's for sure.

I enjoyed them so much, I've hatched a Grand Plan. Since I can't sit out on the porch all year and wait for next December's delivery, major thinking has come into play here. I need to make MORE cookies. LOT'S more cookies.

Hence, the last two on the plate were spared their usual fate, and have received their own special place in the house. A corner where it is quiet and warm with no distractions, nice suggestive music, and whatever else I can dream up that small cookie-people might need, in the realm of proper “mood creation."

If my timing is right, and I've correctly read the Reporte Bisquite' de Biologique on the Internet, I should have a whole bunch more Christmas cookies to munch on by Valentines day.



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So, Let's Get Busy With It, Little Ginger People!!

I'll keep you posted.

~Finto~


*NQSFW-Not Quite Safe For Work

Poste Script: I've recently read that man-nipples, even on cookies, are now OK on the Internet. So we're alright here.




~ Finto ~





- § -





Thanks for stopping in and viewing a bit of Confectionery Christmas Cheer (presented in all it's natural glory). If you have any thoughts about Christmas treats, cookies au naturale', wheat-based reproduction techniques, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you.





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And go to @ddschteinn -- There's a whole lot more...

Posted: 12/24/2018 @ 16:42



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Excerpts From Late-Night Conversations With A Mechanical Cat

Fact Number 107

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You might be able to get a whole batch of cookies going over a not so long period of time that way. Get them breeding like rabbits and you might just be able to start a business!!! LOL

R-rated cookie production. Gotta love it. Think I'll call it Amorous Edibles. I think I'm going to need a broker and accountant. Whanna dig your green visor out from the back closet again?

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Hello..... Mr. ginger bread cookies! Really cute and great idea! Yeah! I can remember them from last year!

If you send me some of them, I promise I'll start eating at their arms or legs and will turn them over before I start to eat..... ;D

Hope you had good times with your family on Christmas! ;)

I'd love to send you some, but they probably will go bad before they get there. Wonder if I'd get in trouble for sending NQSFW cookies in International mail? Probably not. Though someone might eat them, like happened between @old-guy-photos and @dswigle. How do I explain THAT to the postal insurance peoples? ( :

My Christmas was grand. I went to my Sister's house, and got to see all of her family. It was much fun, with lots of food and much talking and laughter. Did you have a nice Christmas? Did you get to spend it with family? I hope so. Such a fun time of the year if you can get together.

Ha ha! No problem at all in sending NQSFW cookies in International mail, I think. If you send me some, I may explain THAT to the postal insurance people for you..... The cookies are cute and look tasty! ;D

I'm glad to hear that your Christmas was grand and you had good times with HH and all members of your family. I also stayed with my mother and had nice time with her on Christmas. ;)

Merry Christmas, DD!! @ddschteinn I hope it was wonderful, but, with little munchies like this being left on the doorstep, I would say it was a winning Holiday!

Oh, poor guy, chestnuts were roasted on an open fire. Yikes!! You gotta feel sorry for him!

I hope we get to see a piece of your cookies before you eat them! As usual, your writing captivates my soul! Don't forget that New Years is coming! What are we having for snacks?

!tip

Thanks so much for the tip, and kind words. And a very late Merry Christmas to you as well. My holiday was grand, I was visiting my Sister and family. That makes it pretty special. Didn't do much, shopped at GW for their 'stuff', which they love, (oddities, weirdities and such), and just ate too much and babbled and laughed and had fun. (I dress up as Mr. Christmas. It's a bit of a hoot). Let's see, New Year's snacks? I'm usually a bit on the boring side, but maybe a homemade pizza with artichokes, kalamata olives, mushrooms, and a bit of Havarti cheese on top. And a big old mondo mug of Root Beer, with a great movie. Now THAT'S a way to bring in a New Year. Well, hope your day is going well, though it's now over, I suppose. So onward, into a good night. Cheers.

Oh, yes!!! I want your pizza!!!!!!!

I'd send you one, but talk about getting raided by the mail service. One smell of those olives and they'll be having a party in the sorting room. I must admit, I'm a true nut for pizza. Always have been, always will. Whoever invented those round, flat treats of delectability, I doff my cap to you, poste haste. Thankyouverymuch, Earl of Pizza (Much like the sandwich...)

Pizza is my middle name! Calamari is my first real name. We all have to naturally assume that it is fried, okay? I just had pizza yesterday. Couldn't help it. It had been forever since I bit into that delectable molten piece of cheese. Havarti is best, but not too much as the richness. OMG I think I would let you order one for me. You know how to do it right.

Oh, the mail service is on my naughty list. No soup for them!

Is that squiddic Calamari, or like my Kalamata olives? I'm assuming the 8-legg'ed variety, since you said fried. I am SO literal, and easily confusipated. I'm sure you are not too happy with the mail-person services....as they lost your cakes. Those things are no-doubt precious. All I've had is Collins Street Bakery ones. I'm sure the DSWigle Bakery Cakes are a WHOLE lot better. Shame on you, mail persons, for losing such a classic. OGP cracked me up, as usual, with his video. (Check it out, when he holds up the black non-eggnog carton, it gets all ghosty at the top, kind of classic looking. Must have to do with the green screen. I'd love to mess with those, one day. First I gotta get on the video bandwagon. I'm just not quite there yet. Too old fashioned, I guess. Large sigh. Maybe some day.

The mail-person is on my naughty list. Trust me. :)

The homemade fruitcake is wonderful. Oh, my goodness, they make me dream of the days when my grandmother and mother would bake dozens of them and give them out to the neighbors and family at Thanksgiving. It was tradition to have eggnog with a kick and fruitcake before Church on Thanksgiving morning. Because the nuns we sat in the back of couldn't smell the brandy on our breath, I am sure. Oh, God. We probably are all going to hell. I had six brothers and they had all sorts of things vaguely foreign leaving their bodies in the form of burps, gas and the like. What a treat for those nuns! Then we had to go back to school the next day and sit in their class.

Oh, I digress, don't I?

Yes, jump on that video wagon! I will quietly sit in the background and watch it all happening. In front of the camera is not my thing. I like the backside so much better. I will have to go back and look at the eggnog carton. I watched it at 2 am or something like that and might have missed a thing or two. Oh, yes! He loves his green screen!

Calamari with the eight legs. Literal is fine with me. :)

Merry Christmas DD!! I felt bad for those poor cookies... They don't have clothes and gonna feel cold before someone eat them!

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