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RE: Real Talk: My Experience with Suicidal Thoughts & the Effect of Suicide in my life.
God, I get that not being able to reach out. Depression is made of walls of steel and reinforced by big gobs of shame
I don't feel ashamed at all. I used to, as a teen, but I'm well past that at this stage of life. I wish that shame wasn't something associated with it, but I do understand that is a factor for a lot of people.
I don't reach out mainly because (and it's taken a lot of thought to even figure myself out) being around people drains me. There are VERY few people that I feel recharged by and even if someone is trying to help, I just seem to absorb their emotional... energy or whatever and just the thought of being around people makes me tired.I should probably find more people in my life that make me feel recharged, but that's one of the catch 22 things for me. Trying to find people that I can connect with, without feeling drained OR feeling like I shouldn't bother them with my problems when I know they have plenty of their own... well... I just have to hope that my husband doesn't die before me, I guess. Because it's mainly him. I don't fall apart without him or anything, but he's one of the rare people that seems to help me.