Thank you so much for this lovely post @imprimateur , I was a bit ashamed of having this online at first but I just wanted to be honest and not seem like someone I'm not. Its comments like yours that make me feel like posting this was worthwhile and I've received a lot of comments from lovely people here that can relate and understand what I'm talking about which makes it a lot easier. In my darkest days I had no hope for people and didn't trust anyone at all, but I can see now that there ARE nice people in the world :)