Lets talk about 2018

I'm sure you've seen it, the social media posts proudly proclaiming that 2018 will be "My Year" or "New year, new me!".

Its gross, isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I'm always happy to hear someone is looking to improve themselves, but why do you need an anniversary on the gregorian calendar to do it? If there was something you really were resolved to accomplish, then why would you wait for an arbitrary date?

For many, a new year can bring a feeling of existential dread which is more amplified by the constant string of people asking questions like "What was the highlight of your last year?" Maybe you feel like you haven't achieved anything of note. Maybe you haven't lived up to your own standards. This whole new years thing, along with all these posts talking about self improvement might just wind up making you feel worse.

For me, they key part was something you probably skipped over in that paragraph up there;

Maybe you haven't lived up to your own standards.

For a moment, I'd like you to just have what I'd like to call a "hands off think". Its the kind of thinking where you look as objectively as you can at a situation, an event or anything else without letting there be too much emotional interference from you. How about this, I'll walk you through one of mine;

I moved to Australia to live permanently - Now, my emotional, depressive brain is denying me the right to actually celebrate this clear victory. Its telling me that this is just something that happened. It wasn't an achievement, it wasn't this amazing thing, people do it all the time!

Now the hands off part of my brain, something that I have to consciously engage tells me something different;

I got through one of the toughest immigration systems in the world, I get to build the life I really want now. Not everyone gets that chance, not everyone gets the opportunity in front of you. Give yourself some credit, you did this. It didn't just happen, you made it happen!

I would love for it to be as easy as typing that, I really would. It takes real, conscious effort to make that thought process even occur to me (along with a whole lot of therapy!). When your standards are impossible and are compacted by the perceived successes of others, this can leave you feeling really low. Now, I'm not telling you to lower your standards. I'm telling you to bring them in line with reality.

If you're in a really dark place and the most you've done today is washed yourself, give yourself some credit for that.
If you're having trouble eating and you've finally eaten something, give yourself credit.

Whatever you do today that you just couldn't do yesterday, celebrate it. Even the littlest things because they give you just that tiniest of boosts, the minor endorphin spike that we all need to feel good. I can't tell you when it gets better, only that it does.

Support lines;

Lifeline (Australia) - 13 11 14
Samaritans (UK) - 116 123