Overthinking: The Brain Plague.
As a young man/boy with severe ADHD and Anxiety as well as depression (man, that’s alotta issues) I find myself looking up at the ceiling late at night and thinking about my life thus far.
I ask myself a bunch of questions which accomplishes nothing but adding to my overall sadness and anger at myself and the world around me.
I find myself questioning my decisions asking What if? What would’ve happened if?
Last night I was questioning my decision to become a wrestler and not follow the assured successful route of University to Job
I remembered former friends telling me that I’ll be a failure and a bum. They often spoke of their degree as a certainty of their futures. Their degree is their badge of honour.
I absolutely dread failure it’s my biggest fear after spiders (:
At night staring up at the ceiling cements in my head that I am indeed a failure that my former friends were right. I am a bum, I am indeed a failure of life. It’s getting more and more obvious that I am now an insomniac, without sleeping pills I get around one or two hours of sleep and I awake with the horror of realizing I’m still that failure that went to sleep.
I wake up normally consumed with negative thoughts that plague my mind. Those thoughts will normally continue until I step into a gym or a wrestling ring. I don’t know what it is but the feeling of kicking somebody in the face gets my blood flowing and puts a smile on my face that nothing or none can ever replicate.
I’m an over thinker. I’ll take something small and make it into something big.
“I think you need to improve your fitness”
I’ll take that as “I’m fat and worthless” and my mind will expand and my expansive imagination will create scenarios about me failing due to me being fat.
It makes no sense and I’m not even considered fat. My imagination fuels my creativity and is an excellent asset that presents me awesomeness. But it also fuels my overthinking dark thoughts that paralyze me on a regular basis. It’s a scary thought that without my imagination I might be happy right now.
But if I was happy right now would I be writing this post?
Would I be sitting on this chair that’s awful for my already failing posture?
Here I am sat here at 3am literally overthinking while writing this very article. Man. It makes you think. What if?
I’m about to head off to bed. My mind is shutting down and sleep is approaching I’m pretty much making sure sleep taps me out so I can’t even attempt to think about anything before I go to sleep.
This post is very much ME ME ME! and I’ve barely covered the topic. Rereading this makes me realise that my overthinking has literally made it impossible for me to objectively put together the constructive informative post I wanted this to be. So I guess this post is purely for entertainment only and if that brings you something…then I guess I’m doing my job right.
Deuces.
I upvoted only because you are bringing attention to an affliction many creatives are plagued with. It's time to get depression out there and talked about. But I can tell you now that you do not sound like a depressed person by the way this was written. Maybe you are currently in an upswing. But I guarantee that real bonafide depression is debilitating and can't be written about so flippantly.
I can tell you now. I have depression. Been diagnosed since the age of 17.
I aspire to have a positive outlook on life, thus making it easier to speak about it with great ease.
It's simple. I'm driven to change my life and other peoples lives and it starts here. We have to raise awareness about mental health as it's becoming/is one of the biggest killers in the world.
My writing style is what it is (: I'm not in a upswing if anything the opposite!
Oh and I can guarantee that real bonafide depression can be spoken about and written about flippantly.
Stephen Fry is a great example of that (:
Hey fairytalelife,
We all use different coping mechanisms to get through life. Theres no such thing as 'real bonafide depression' its a spectrum like most other mental health concerns. Even if there was, reading someones post and making an armchair diagnosis is horrific.
You've just done exactly what you set out NOT to do.
'Its time to get depression out there and talked about'
But not like this, and not by you sherlock cupid.
I like what you do fairytalelife, and I follow you. But this was really thoughtless.
Actually, @schro, there is such a thing as pure bonafide depression. It manifests itself clearly to those who suffer. It's worse than having a bad day. It's an all consuming hell. sherlockcupid does not sound like he is completely debilitated by his affliction - thus my comment. I'm not saying anything about anyone's coping mechanisms . You are right. We all do our own thing. I'd be interested to know how sherlockcupid copes. Armchair diagnosis? Hardly. I happen to know a lot about depression - more than I would like to.
Im well acquainted with depression, academically and from personal experience. What you seem to be pointing to is chronic/severe depression. This is one type and it is no more bonafide than any other.
Clinically/therepeutically there is mild, moderate or severe, relapsing, remitting or chronic depressions. That is six types. Additionally there is treatment-resistant depression, or the depression subtypes noted in the DSM.
Minimising someones mental health concerns doesnt benefit the conversation.
Just because someone does not exhibit the most 'severe' of symptoms doesn'make their suffering any less 'real' to them.
Armchair diagnosis - are you a practicing psychologist or psychiatrist that has been treating sherlockcupid? If so, my apologies. Otherwise this term applies.
I assure you I meant no disrespect. Rereading it I understand how you perceived what I wrote as criticism. You are right about "disqualifying" sherlock cupid's experiences. That wasn't my intention. For me, depression IS debilitating and you reminded me that it takes on many forms in different people. I don't pretend to think I have any right minimizing someone else's suffering. And @sherlockcupid, if it came across like that, I apologize. I have no intention of "diagnosing" anyone. So to answer your question, @schro, no. I am not his therapist or psychiatrist. Nor am I "thoughtless". But I am interested in the discussion of depression overall and I am curious as to what has helped sherlockcupid when he is at his lowest points.
Thanks fairytalelife,
You're right, I did take it that way. As a result I let that define my tone. So my apologies for allowing what was a misunderstanding to get the better of me and reply quite harshly. Thank you for taking the time to understand my position as well.
I'd love to see more discussion around it too. Perhaps next time I will remember that and try not to be such an ass.
Not just entertainment, but a creative piece that people can relate to and realize they are not alone! :)
Thanks for the kind words. (:
Overthinking the past will make you depressed.
Overthinking the future will make you anxious.
Don't not think about the past, or not think about the future.
History holds knowledge and wisdom of what works and what fails to learn from our mistakes.
The future is where we are headed, where or power is to create something else.
There is also value in living in the now, while thinking of the past to learn from and thinking of the future we want to create.
The point is to not overthink and obsess about the past or the future. Learn to let go and not project too much into what people say to you. Analyze yourself and see how you are, and recognize where you go wrong in your thinking then you can correct it with will-power.
Best of luck. Take care. Peace.
I normally would not vote stream of consciousness writing, but I do appreciate you talking openly about your private struggles. I hope feeling heard helps your emotional state a little.
Answer the questions.
Decipher the riddles.
Solve the equations.
Find the reasons for life, and your existence, and a reason to live and be happy. You think for a reason. Answer your questions and come to a final answer, and then you'll be able to move on.
YOU just gotta get on with your life....im 44 and have had a tuffer than tuff life on top of dealing with personal issues like you do.
Trouble is you will still have all this shit goin on in ur ed if you dont concentrate on what makes you happy and find pleasure in youre daily life....I still havent but struggle to!
So judging by the comments below...I guess I know what my next post will be about (:
Also I take no offense to what @fairytalelife said.
You're entitled to an opinion. (:
Thanks for comments.