I am Severely Mentally Ill and I am Okay!

(http://leonkarssen.tumblr.com/)

I recently posted about getting help because I was displaying symptoms I had seen my mother and other family members experience. I was correct on my hunch and I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Which according to the state I am severely mentally ill. It's weird to say that but maybe it's just weird to finally understand why I do things. However, it helps me learn more about my actions and what my disorder is making me feel. I wanted to post this to express how I am currently feeling.

I am very happy that I have the ability to finally get help. This isn't the first try either, I have around 4 times to get help. First time I was 10 and my mother wouldn't let me talk to the psychiatrist alone and the last time my insurance didn't cover it and the doctor told me to have fun with my fucked up life. Being poor is doing something good for me, free health insurance, well not free, taxes pay for it! I hope I am using everyone's taxes appropriately by getting myself to a healthy state.

I am scared because I am also getting a counselor. I am going to have to talk about my childhood and experiences I wish to ignore. I will have to examine myself and my deepest thoughts to create a healthy me. On top of that I am also getting a psychiatrist to start medication, I have always been against myself on medication but I really think I need a push, something to help me heal.

I am annoyed at the fact people tell me medication is a bad idea. I think its better than wanting to drive my car off a bridge, ripping my hair out, constantly fighting my anger and frustration, blowing my money on stupid things, and many more symptoms from this disorder. Medication isn't for everyone but to say its bad for everyone is such an ablest way to look at the world.

I am surprised at the amount of support I have gotten from my friends and internet buddies. It helps to have a support system at home, a boyfriend who loves me no matter what. I am happy he also has a knowledge of the disorder and even did research on his own. I am happy my friends are encouraging and helping me. It's such a nice feeling to finally have support.

I can't wait to feel better.