¿My alter ego a severe mental problem or my best friend?

Hello, I wake up every day to survive, knowing that the only thing I have sane is to write and draw. Even though I'm not entirely alone, I have my second self

He hates me and there is no day he does not tell me, he says that he is condemned to a life of torture. He is suffering from being with me, but he is strange, he hates me but he brings me well because despite hating what I do he always helps me and he is responsible for not losing me in total madness. And they wonder why? very simple, always advises me and much will say "no, it's your reason, not your alterego" but, I feel real hatred, says he does not hate me at all for the talent I have to draw and create great stories and I feel good is great, but. He hates me for the last reason, he says that I am very weak, that I am very soft, that I lack in my actions and be meticulous and not impulsive that should provoke respect with only my presence, is tired of people treating me so.
One day I asked him "And if instead of hating me because you do not advise me better" he replied "because you have to earn it, you need me, but I will not be there always to tell you what to do" I replied " that it will not always be there? "
He told me that one day I would know that once you reach my goals, I would not be there, choking my life, avoiding every day that I commit suicide, but he says that he wants to make me strong.
and while I'm not fit he says that he always brings me this, even though he does not allow anyone else to treat me like that. and for those who still say "he is only your reason and common sense" because every day he speaks to me and tells me, he tries to give me energy, and I know when I am not, to differentiate him and sometimes I really wonder if I am crazy and I need help or just really is the part of me that I feel my loneliness and always makes me company knowing that I do not need anyone but me, makes me happy many times and makes me know that I am the only person I can trust, being my closest friend (literally speaking).
I've never felt lonely since I was 6 years old he was with me and I never said anything because I always hate psychologists and I always suffered from incomprehension on the part of my family, the first thing I noticed was ubies and mockery and a big regimen for that I never felt like saying any of that, but he treats me well and it's always been that way.
Even though sometimes I do not listen to it and when I do not I always get nasty little things and when I listen to it and do what it says I always do it determination and I always feel the constant success, discharges, exams, trips and a huge desire to follow existing.
I do not know what you guys think, but the more I talk or write, the better I feel.