Civil war, general craziness, space exploration, and self-reflection

There's a part of me that secretly prays for civil war; it's not so much a legitimate psychopath skulking around in my instinct as it is potentially a throbbing erection of schadenfreude. Imagine the chaos! Two-sides-full of morons willing to kill each other over perspectives that neither can prove to accurately model reality. Idiots.

Your war cannot touch me. I will stroll through your lame-ass battlefield chewing cannabis gum, with a rifle in my arms, wearing a propeller beanie, and with my cock out - because fuck you. You want to go crazy? Let's go fucking crazy.

It's not what I "want" though. I really want to visit other worlds as a thousands-of-years-old, decentralized, digital intelligence with bits of myself scattered across various planets and random sections of deep space, with everything connected by some form of ansible tech from the Enderverse. I want to literally expand my consciousness. Can't do that without a functional society being able to mobilize resources to support programs to develop tech for exploration and life-extension - for me to hijack.

I know exactly how smart I am, and that is "not enough." I'm not smart enough to "figure" anything out; My grasp exceeds my reach by orders of magnitude; my mental arms are little t-rex arms. I'm just smart enough to learn everything that's already been figured out. I'll never be a philosopher, but can understand them. I'll never figure out the mathematical formulae for modeling reality, but I can understand them. I can understand everything. Everything. That's my superpower: comprehension.

I can't figure the world out, myself. I can, however, selfishly improve my life through the labors of those that can. I intend to live, one way or another. It will take an act of god to destroy me. But I am nothing if not realistic. It is in my best interest to support you in whatever way I can. More than parasite, I am symbiote. In exchange for the generosity of your creative energies, I promise to defend you against the threats to your existence.

But don't you fuck with me. Don't you dare lie. Not even once. Because I will know. Explain. Meticulously. A great argument stands on its own merit, and nothing kills a boner quite like fallacy. Honestly explain to me exactly why "they" are a threat, or so help me god I'll side with them long enough to rid the world of you. One less liar in the world.