I was born in Florida and raised in Georgia. I call myself a southern belle because of that reason...

I remember the first day I realized that I did not feel like I was myself. The day I looked in the mirror and saw someone else looking back at me. At the time I did not know who it was but I was soon to find out.

I was halfway through my 7th grade year in school in gym class the first time I realized I was not like the other boys. It was after gym class at the point where everyone went to their segregated locker rooms. I was changing clothes that day and the boys in the locker room with me just kept staring at me and laughing and mocking me to their friends who were yet to see. I didn't know what was different about me and not them. I ran to look in the mirror to see if anything was wrong with me. To my surprise, there was nothing abnormal or so I thought.

Once I got to the mirror I quickly scanned myself over. looking at my front side than trying to contort my body to look at my back. I still saw no difference. Then I turned to one side and concentrated hard looking in the mirror and I saw it. It was staring back at me like it was looking for vengeance. There was something different with my chest than all the other boys. They were rounder, fuller, and softer than everyone else's chest. All the guys kept looking at me differently that entire day just laughing at my expense. I remember going to the nurse's office and faking a sickness so the nurse could call my mother and have her come pick me up from school early. I remember my mother was furious with me because she had to leave work to come get her son from school. All because I was insecure and different and did not understand why.

Once we got home my mom asked me what was wrong and I took off my shirt to show her. She thought maybe I was just overweight and it was fat accumulating around my chest. She has always been terrified of heart disease or any illness so she rushed me to the doctor's office the next day. The doctor was surprised at what was going on. After she examined me like a physical, she stopped and was just staring t my chest confused. She then instructed a nurse to draw my blood and said that she was going to have it sent off for testing.

Weeks later the results finally came back in. I thought they had forgotten about me and that nothing was abnormal. We arrived at the doctor's office signed in and not a minute after I sat down in the waiting room we were called back into the doctor's personal office. It was a busy day at the office and we were called back immediately so I was skeptical of what was happening. After we made ourselves comfortable in her office she made her way in talking to my mother. I was not paying attention much as I was preoccupied looking around the room at her art and certifications and her books that were on different walls. She finally got mine and my mother's attention when she said that my hormone levels were too high for a normal adolescent boy. Of course, we asked her what she meant by that and this was her statement.

Your son has developed breast-like tissue in place of normal pectoral muscles. That is why it looks like he has breasts because he does. My mother then proceeded to cry begging god or it not to be so and asking how she messed up with her eldest son. Leave it to my mother to take my health and personal well-being and turn it around to where she is the victim.

There was an unwritten family rule about going to see a doctor. You didn't talk. Instead, our mother did all the talking for us. She asked the doctor the usual questions. Is he overweight? Is he going to grow out of it? Well, I heard my mom say well can we remove them? I spoke out for the first time ever at my mother. Without thinking I just yelled no as quickly and as fast as I could. I did not want them to be gone they made me different and unique and I liked it when the boys stared at me for them. I at the time did not realize I said that aloud. My mother looked at me and told me to shut up that I did not know what I was talking about and continued to talk for me.

She thought I was crazy that I wasn't supposed to act or say that I liked the way boys looked at me. She then proceeded to take me to counseling with the same family physician who happened to be a child psychologist. After what seemed like forever of going to the same doctor day in and day out I finally got an answer for both of my conditions.

Please stay tuned and be on the watch for the second installment of my experience of being trans in the south.

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