I want to fend for myself!

The cold

The Cold

-I just need you to understand! I mean, Nancy did it to the, what? 26 years old! David now... I want to be independent too! Not "get out" of the house. I'm not in a fight, I'm not angry, I'm not a rebel. I'm 30 years old! I want to fend for myself!

That was the last thing I said to my parents on Monday night. Tuesday morning I started coughing a little.
I didn't worry and started to do the math: A friend is getting married and her room in a beautiful apartment will soon be available.

Will I finally be able to be an economically independent woman?

By noon, I felt really bad: I couldn't see the monitor well, I had to read every paragraph two or three times to understand what I was reading. Concentration vanished with every sneeze. I've never been one of those who likes to ask for leave at work, but I made a decision: I told my boss that I wanted to skip lunch to get out earlier.
"I'm going to lie down for a while," I told my parents when I got there.

I'm gonna die. This is not a normal flu. It's not a cold. It's influenza. It's AH1N1. It's bird flu. I'm a victim of a new disease, patient zero. I'm the beginning of Contagio's film. I'm gonna die.

M' hjita, are you all right? asked my mom worried.
My answer: cough intensely.
She came over.
No! Mommy! Get away from me! Save yourself! Go to Daddy!
Can I get you some tea? she asked me worried.
Strong and independent. Do I want to fend for myself? Let's start with a little flu.
-No... Thank you. I'll go to sleep for a little while.
Yeah, bring tea, Mommy. Ignore your youngest daughter and bring me tea. And medication. And broth.

I kept quiet. After seeing her leave my room, I had another coughing fit.

At 30, I'm going to die. I never dated the one I like. I never made a will. I will leave this world and never published a book. Without having children. Without starting my own family. I will die.

Suddenly I woke up and had everything I needed around me: medicine, liquids, my blanket....

Lying on my bed I began to reflect:

Why do I want to live alone? So if I got sick, no one would notice? I mean, something serious could happen to me and how would I warn people? Besides, it's not only that my parents take care of me, it's also me that takes care of them. Also, isn't it like we're running out of anything because I live with them? I'm a person! How much expense can I be? Better here. He's smarter. I can bring in my house and save for a wedding or something else. It's not like they're running me. And, I mean, just -- seriously -- my independent friends are the outsiders. All the region's women live with their families. That's normal. I mean, we all went from the parents' house to the husband's house.

And so it was the way I changed my mind and heart. I will look for other ways of being more independent: contributing to pay for the house expenses, among other things.

Yeah. Yeah. Good decision, Cam. Smart. Nothing has to do with the drama you did when you were sick. No. This is a strong and mature decision. Yeah. Yeah. You're growing up, Leva. Good!