A middle-aged ambiguity actually cured a marriage that had been indifferent to speechless for 18 years!

The heroine of this story is a cousin of a friend who was a child, and the story is a bit convoluted, but it is not far away.

Cousin and cousin-in-law, in front of the elders, have always been a model of a loving couple in the eyes of everyone: family gatherings are always in pairs, respect each other as guests, and never quarrel. But in fact, all sisters of the same generation know that for many years, my cousin has been unhappy and has always wanted to divorce. The reason for not arguing is because she no longer wants to talk.

But it is very obvious that in the past year or so, the relationship between the cousin and her husband has changed. At family gatherings, the two people still respect each other on the surface, but inside, their attitudes and ways of getting along have changed. They have become intimate, tacit, peaceful and warm .

She and her cousin grew up together, and they have a very close relationship. She can see her cousin's sadness and her happiness. In fact, this journey has been a long journey, and her cousin's experience is very realistic for many women. significance.

In order to facilitate the narration of this story, the article is expressed in the first person, which is more immersive.

01

Marriage with my husband back then was decided by our parents. At that time, we didn't understand love, let alone how to manage a marriage. Everything was based on instinct.

For a long time, in the eyes of outsiders, I have been happy. My husband and I have never quarreled and quarreled. He doesn’t care about the big and small things in the family. My life, I am free.

However, what everyone does not know is that I have been married for 18 years, and during at least 15 years, I seem to be living in an ice cellar.

My husband and I live under the same roof, and we don't talk more than three sentences a day. From the moment he entered the house and put on his slippers, he sat on the sofa with his eyes fixed on his phone, never leaving him for a moment. Say ten words to him, but you can't hear nine of them, either perfunctory oh oh oh, or you don't hear them at all.

You may think that he is a dull and boring man, but in fact he is a moderate leader. He is independent outside, not reticent, and often talks eloquently. If I tell others, he is like a leader at home. With a cold machine, I am afraid no one will believe it.

In the face of my doubts, he always said: Old husband and wife, everything is spoken. Or he would sigh and say with a tired face: "After a long day outside, I can't talk anymore when I go home. I want to be quiet."

When I was young, I often tossed and tried to reform him, but after repeated failures, I gave up struggling. Especially after the child went to high school and went to boarding school, we were left at home, and the atmosphere became even colder.

02

After staying in such a marriage for a long time, I feel that I have become an ice sculpture, so I have this shameful black history. I have always claimed to be a standard good wife and mother, but in fact I have also been mentally cheated.

It was the year before last, and I accidentally met a man on the Internet, a married man H, a few years older than me, looking at the photo with glasses, he is gentle and elegant.

Our development is very slow, from occasional chats to frequent chats, the chats are not deep, it is nothing more than our daily life, sharing some favorite videos and songs, and it is no problem to take out each chat record separately, but in my heart Clearly, this feeling is not right, very ambiguous.

To me at that time, H was like a shooting star across the night sky, giving me a little light and warmth. And I'm not worried at all that my husband will find out, because he doesn't pay attention to me at all, let alone my mobile phone.

At that time, we really fell into a trap. Once, the two of us chatted all night. I was holding my mobile phone. I fell asleep at dawn. After waking up, there was no one at home. make breakfast.

After that day, I always wanted to meet H with a beating heart, and he tried me, but I was a cowardly person, I had too many conflicts, and I couldn't make up my mind. While hesitating, things turned around.

03

The turning point was that H suddenly mentioned his wife.

H said: "She is also a good woman, but I really don't want to talk to her. She is good at everything, but she can't talk. When I say something to her, I never wait for me to finish. , Accusing and giving suggestions, should be like this, shouldn't be like that, how can you do this?

He often wants to tell me how to work, and it's really annoying to look aloof. It's not like you, so gentle and considerate. I am willing to tell you anything. "

He also said: "I don't talk to her, it's actually a strategy, so that 80% of the conflicts can be avoided, it's very clean, and, seeing her angry and aggrieved look, I'm still a little secretly happy, it's been a long time, I think it's good not to talk, we are just empty shells now, very cold."

I was making soup in the kitchen when my legs suddenly felt weak and I almost sat on the ground.

04

I can't describe my mood at that time, because I understood this paragraph of H's text in a flash! Every point of his description of his wife is clearly me! His marriage is obviously me and my husband!

He doesn't know that the understanding me in his eyes is also an aggrieved wife on the other side, exactly the same!

I replied: "My husband is back." H immediately fell silent with interest, and I sat alone for a long time in the darkened kitchen with no lights on, my mind was full of thoughts, and my heart was even more mixed.

At the beginning of marriage, why didn't I treat my husband like this? He was not like this at the beginning. When he first got married, he would talk to me, but I seldom listened patiently to him, and often I would refute what he said.

I always feel that I have a better background than him and have more knowledge than him, so I see that there are problems with what he does, even his work and how he behaves, I will give him "advice". In other words, my ideas are all to pick on him!

05

Later, my husband's job improved and his income increased, and the days seemed to get better and better, but in the dead of night, I felt a little guilty.

Therefore, when there are many people, I am very good at exposing his shortcomings. When I see his a little embarrassed expression, I will feel happy that I have won. I proved my husband's unreliability and my own hard work to my relatives and friends.

Over the years, people around me have unified their opinions, saying that my husband found me, it is really a blessing of eight lifetimes. Faced with such a situation, I have a secret sense of superiority.

I have always had a lot of expectations and requirements for him. Go to bed early and get up early to quit smoking and drinking. I have ten thousand reasons to slander him, deny and judge him. My starting point is for his good, but I never thought that as an adult , he can also choose his own life.

06

Later, we would quarrel, but gradually we didn't even quarrel, and the relationship became colder and colder.

Once a year, he got 200,000 yuan in the year-end bonus, and immediately turned it over to me. He looked at me helplessly and said, "Your husband, I'm fine!" Cold, I have been so stingy that I didn't give a compliment.

After so many years of marriage, it was the first time for me to detach from "I" and look at it with another perspective. What I thought I was doing right, now it seems that it is really too subjective.

I understand, he is not Bai Yueguang, and neither am I. The marriage has become an icehouse, and I have the same responsibility as him.

I clearly remember that he once said: "You react very quickly when you quarrel, I can't afford to provoke you, can't you hide?"

I never took these words to heart, but I never thought that this might be his voice, right? He just kept avoiding me!

07

In life, in many cases, the most important thing is to understand.

Just because I understood, my mood changed, so in the following days, the atmosphere between us also changed little by little.

Little by little, I cleaned up the house, bought greenery, and replaced the dishes and sofa covers. Although we didn't have a thousand words, my state and the way I looked at him changed.

I will no longer constantly examine and slander him. If he wants to eat when he comes home, he will have some home-cooked food together. If he has work and does not come home, I will arrange it myself.

On weekends, although I have been used to making arrangements by myself for many years, I always feel in my heart that my arrangement is because my husband does not want to accompany me, and I am forced to do it, which is a bit helpless.

But now, because of the change of mentality, I will be very happy to arrange my time, and really enjoy my friends, hobbies, time and life.

It turns out that life is a magnet, all positive things will attract positive things, and vice versa. So, when I became happy, my husband looked at me at ease and became warmer day by day.

08

Over the past year, my life has become more and more relaxed, and there has been an invisible and intangible subtle change between me and my husband.

Of course, he didn't become a chatterbox at home because of this, and we didn't talk about everything, we just carried out our marriage more peacefully and relaxedly.

In a relaxed and comfortable state, we really lived out the comfort of an old married couple. We have our own friends and hobbies, but we also have mutual friends.

Even sometimes, two people will make an appointment to go out together, or go out for a meal.

Once I went to the morning market with my husband. He was afraid that my arm would hurt, so he carried all the bags. The eldest sister who sold vegetables teased us: "Look at this sweetness, you two must be married~"

I responded with a smile: "It's nothing special~ and it's newlyweds." My husband was carrying the dishes, and I took his arm and walked away smiling.

09

As for me and H, it turned into an illusory memory. It turned out that I didn't like H as much as I thought. He was just an outlet when I was helpless and powerless.

But I also want to thank this strange man. He said this heart-wrenching fact without any precautions, and it made me suddenly understand what my husband was thinking. People, sometimes stand in other people's position to think, as if across the sky.

This is our story, very, very flat, without landslides and ground shattering, all details.

As the old saying goes, freezing three feet does not happen in a day, and the same is true for accumulating happiness. When a bird builds a nest, it needs to be brought back one by one.

Life, marriage, one thought, one thought, sometimes the plot we think may be another drama from another angle, don't trap yourself in the city of pain you built.

After all, life is short, please try your best to be happy.