Dynamic force of Oneness in marriage.
What is Marriage? Marriage is the joining together of a man and a woman in holy matrimony as ordained by God according to Genesis 2:24. Marriage is the very first institution created by God. It is not for children rather it is for mature man and woman.
What is Force?
Force i s the energy of God and it's called Dunamis. It is this energy that set the whole creation into existence and marriage into being.
What is Oneness?
This means unity, harmony and togetherness. Genesis 1:26 shows how oneness came into play in creation. In other words, Oneness is seeing my spouse as me and me as my spouse not as a separate entity. Oneness is very essential in marriage if one want enjoy and fulfill destiny in marriage. Man is a tripartite, that is, a spirit that has a soul and lives in a body.
Therefore Oneness must be attained in the realm the spirit, soul and body as marriage affects man in the these three aspects.
Woman is no other entity but man, reason being that, in the process of creating the woman God did not create a new thing. He created woman the man according to Genesis 2:21-23. The man and woman are from the same source. Therefore, it is an error of ignorance for a man to treat his wife as someone different from him. According to Genesis 2:23, Adam knew who Eve was the very moment he saw her, that she is not like other creatures but bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Before going into marriage, one must have a personal conviction of who that man or woman is to you.
The period of courtship is designed for one to come to the knowledge of who your spouse to be is.
At the end of courtship, one should be able to know if he or she is the bone of your bones and flesh of your flesh. There is a proper order in God's kingdom and this must be properly followed in order to enjoy the kingdom. The root cause of marital problems is due to lack of following the manner of the kingdom.
Your decision to follow marital manners starts from the moment you allow yourself to be matured into sonship before going into marriage. It was God who saw it was not good that man should be alone. When you dabble into it before or after his time, it ends in chaos. When you have attained maturity then you need to have the deep sleep experience. The deep sleep experience means your deep meditation, reflection and insight on the subject of marriage.
Then you must know your covenant role in marriage, Man is primarily created to lead and dominat. A woman who truly loves her man will give him to fulfill his divine purpose. In the home, the man must be the leader.
The man is to primarily love his family and his wife in particular Ephesians 5:25 & 28. Man is created to work and have a profession Genesis 2:8,15. The man should also aspire to the lead in the area of income, in decision making in the home. The man should have a deep relationship with God and be able to lead every member of his family to Christ.
The woman's primary role is to be relevant in every aspect of her husband's life and career. She is made to be a help meet to her husband. The woman is also the home maker. She is also expected to be hospitable and be disciplined and be able to pass same to her children. The woman should recognize her husband as the leader in the home and accept and lead her household to accept his leadership.
The journey to enjoying oneness in marriage begins with having the right motive for getting married which is for companionship as designed by God. Then one needs to get prepared for this lifelong journey. This can be done by soaking oneself in the word of God, reading Christian literatures on marriage is also important. After preparation, you must be prepared to obey the word of God. Also, you have to seek the blessings of your parents and pastor.
Be committed to kingdom service. It should be done joyfully, with a sincere heart and love. Also, have a marital mentor. You must have the right attitude towards marriage.
Oneness must be achieved in the three aspects which is in the soul, spirit and body to enjoy marriage. The benefits of oneness can not be overemphasized. It breeds fruitfulness in all areas of life Genesis 1:27-28. The couple who walks in oneness are empowered by God to have dominion over other creatures and nothing shall lord it over them.
To grow in oneness, you have to be innovative, try new things, new and Godly ideas that can make your marriage enjoyable. One needs to be understanding, always communicate with your partner and be ready to forgive always. One needs to be joyfully always even when the condition is saying otherwise. One must be prayerful and have the attitude of thankfulness.
Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti
We were made with differences from the beginning of created, that was God's plan. One must understand the differences between men and women to be able make relationship successful. Men process life like the boxes on a waffle. Their thinking is divided into boxes that have room for one issue at a time. He lives in one box at a time and one box only. As result, men are problem solvers by nature because they tackle one issue at a time and formulate a solution before moving to the next issue. They also take a success approach to communication when the man believe he can successfully talk with his spouse he is motivated to converse but reverse is the case when he feels the conversation is pointless or heading nowhere, he loses motivation to talk.
Women process life like a plate of spaghett. Every thought and issue is connected to every other thought in some way. That's why women are good in multitasking. Most women are in pursuit of a connecting life. They solve problems but from a different perspective than men.
One of the characteristics that creates problems in male/female interaction is that most men have boxes that have no words. The problem is that he cannot communicate these experiences to others and his wife may feel left out. God made man and woman different in many ways. They think, process emotions, make decisions and learn differently. And yet men and women complement one another so beautifully that a healthy relationship makes both partners more complete. Men and women have very different approaches to communication. A man starts a conversation when he perceives there is a problem that needs to be addressed and rather keep silent when there is no problem. The woman has a constant desire to talk with her husband. She wants to connect him to everything in her life and assumes he wants to connect her to everything in his life. It becomes a conflict of interests. So how does a couple make communication work for them? whoever starts the conversation should be the one to set the pace for the conversation.
A new perspective is needed to help men and women listen to each other without problems. For the men, you have to create a listening box while the ladies needs to practice staying in the box the husband wants to open when it's his turn to talk. You should take turns listening to each other. Listening is not an attempt to understand the opposite sex or an attempt to become each other's counselor or to fix your partner, it is not a personality trait. You must develop your own style of listening over time with elements like attentiveness, empathy and compassionate questions. Your ability to listen strategically is determined by how much value you place on it and how hard you are willing to work at it.
Conclusion:
Marriage is an honorable institution designed by God himself and should always be laid on the foundation of God's word. Man and woman were created differently to complement each other not compete with each other. We must strive to grow in oneness by recognizing our differences and how best to it work it out with each other. Marriage is not for babies and should not be treated trivially but as a core essence
of our existence.