Understanding the concept of Divorce in a marriage.
Know what Divorce is
srcMarriage is meant to be a way of living in harmony as two enjoined bodies to become one. But one thing can ruin the whole purpose - Divorce. The word "Divorce as translated in the new testament is "apostasion", which means, a "defection". Imagine a soldier who has been enlisted and drifted in the army, who runs away without permission. He is a defector. If he is arrested he is likely to be shot. The dictionary meaning of defect is "to forsake a party".
What the scripture says about divorce
srcTherefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Gen. 2:24
But i say unto you, That that whosoever shall put away his wife shall, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. Matthew 5:32
Divorce: Whose fault?
A divorce not only affects the individuals concerned but also the whole family. Most divorced couples blame the divorce on their partner or on circumstances. But marriage rests on the shoulders of the man, just the same way divorce also does. God places the responsibility of cleaving on the man. He leaves and cleaves (glues) to his wife.
Divorce occurs when he is not able to cleave tightly enough to become inseparable. Whatever happens in the home is the man’s responsibility, although it may not be his fault. God, generally, does not like broken fellowship of any sort. The concept of broken homes or broken lives hurts God.
When man fell and God came to the garden, He first called to Adam and placed the responsibility for eating the fruit at his feet. There were no questions for the woman.
Complications of Divorce
- An unending hurt is inflicted.
The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leaves off contention before it be meddled with. Proverb 17:14
- A bitter personality is created.
The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? Proverb 18:14
- There is a permanent break-up of relationship/fellowship.
A brother offended is harder t be won than a strong city: and their contentions are the bars of a castle. Proverb 18:19
- There is destruction of homes and unhappiness.
The thief cometh not but for steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I have come that they might have life, and that tey might it more abundantly.
There are broken/wounded spirits and emotions: tearing apart of soul ties.
Marriage involves emotions, so as a breakdown leads to the tearing apart of soul ties.
Both partners are often destroyed, sometimes beyond full recovery.
There is tremendous pain and there are permanent scars.
One becomes handicapped: There are things one can’t do well anymore.
There is distress–similar to the feeling of bereavement that follows the death of someone close to you.
There is depression: this stems from feelings of rejection which can lead to withdrawal from everybody. It is also caused by contrasting how you thought things were going to be for the rest of your life and how they apparently will be following the divorce.
Separation is the termination of commitment with emotional involvement.
Divorced is legalized separation
A vow is unto death: don't ,make it if you are not going to keep it.
Difficulties of Remarriage and Singlehood
You will probably encounter the same problems again.
You will always wonder whether you could not have made your marriage work.
The children will be greatly affected and may become social deviants - this is very common.
src- You may always suffer from a broken/wounded spirit, bitterness and deep-seated resentment, which will have a very bad effect on your spiritual and prayer life.
Predisposing Factors to Divorce
Adultery - When adultery occurs, it leads to mistrust and eventually a breakdown of the whole marital Union.
Unresolved hurts and offences leading to a state of chronic unhappiness and depression.
Violence in the marriage - where one party resorts to violence and sharp abusive words to resolve conflicts.
ssrcChildlessness - Some people allow a situation of childlessness to degenerate into a break-up of the relationship.
Long separation - where one partner travels to live in another country and the other is unable to join due to inability to obtain the necessary document.
Interference from relatives and friends.
Too much parental influence and control.
Too many dependents from extended family members.
A bad attitude––a persistent and deliberate bad attitude that cannot respond to advice, rebuke, admonishing or entreaties from anyone, including pastors.
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