RE: I'm My Own Worst Enemy - Self-Critisism & Fear Of Failure
That's a good quote by Edison at the end there! I've used that to inspire myself many times in the past. But it can still be hard, I can relate with your sentiments..
Would I think less of myself, if I wouldn’t win?
I know it’s sad, but my answer to that question would be ‘yes’. I’d feel deeply disappointed and would probably conclude that I’m not good enough, and that I would have failed... again.
I go through this on a regular basis with a game I play on my phone called Clash Royale, it's pretty much the only game I play these days and.. There's a lot of good players! Why should I get so disappointed and let down when I lose? I dunno, but I still do. I think it's really difficult to get over that sometimes and when I lose a bunch of times in a row sometimes I feel like quitting.. Like.. I should be spending my time working or doing something else more productive, though I almost always come crawling back cause I enjoy the mental stimulation, I enjoy being able to have something that's a distraction and a bit fun from time to time. And that's a good thing I think.. Sorta like when I played Chess growing up as a kid, it's not always about winning or losing.. But growing and learning and having fun. :) If you can find a way to appreciate the process and not focus so much on the end result I think that might help! Sometimes we gotta lose a bunch before we win and sometimes we may never win, though if we learn from it all and appreciate being a part of it.. Then I think that's even more important than "winning".
It's great when you can win and it feels good, and it can be sucky when you lose sometimes too.. Though I think it's awesome when you can sort of detach yourself from the whole winner/loser mindset and just have fun and learn new things and appreciate the time you spent regardless of how it ends up in terms of results in regards to winning or losing. If you can find a way to really tap into that mindset, then I think in a sense.. You're always a winner and you never lose cause you're always growing and learning and having fun. Plus.. I think being less attached to the outcome often helps you actually win in the game more often as well! From my personal experience I tend to mess up when I get too "into" it, or too focused on the outcome.. When I let go of the outcome and just play to have fun I find I do a lot better! And maybe my experience won't translate to you or to everyone, but it has helped me look at these things in a better light and I hope something I typed up there does help you in some way. Cheers friend. :)
I completely agree, and that's what I've been telling others for years... I just can't seem to put it into practice myself. That's the most frustrating part: I knów, but I fail in doing something with the knowledge.
This mindset doesn't only go for things that are contest-related. it's the story of my life. My parents thought it was important that I'd raise the bar. It has become a (very bad) habit to set such high standards for myself that it is impossible to live up to them. As a result, I always feel like I'm failing and like I'm not good enough. It's a vicious circle I am aware of and I've been working hard trying to break it for the last 20 years.
Sometimes I succeed, and I can escape from that negative spiral that has a huge effect on my self-esteem. And even though it happens more often than it used to, those moments are still a rarity. These negative thoughts are still surprisingly strong, even after all those years. The fact that I know all this in theory doesn't help, because it only adds to the feeling of failing again. And so I keep going around in circles...
But I've not given up hope that I'll learn eventually :0)
Sometimes things are definitely easier said than done! I can relate.
Hmmm.. I see... That's a bummer. I think I've dealt with similar in regards to my parents and friends and family. Trying to live up to others expectations can be rough, and oftentimes they don't even really expect that from us, we just think they do.. Though either way whether real external expectations or that which we have created from within that we believe are external, when it doesn't line up with what we'd like it causes stress.. I wish I could give better advice, but I suffer from similar things and I'm not sure what to say there.
That's interesting and makes me think.. I think I can once again relate with that.. The knowing but not necessarily being able to do what you know or feel like you should do.. That's a tough one, you'd think if we really knew we should be able to do but like I said at the beginning it can be easier said than done, so I think that's a significant crux of the issue.. And how do we get passed that aspect of doing what we feel like we know we should do? I dunno.. I wish I did.. I could probably help a lot of people including myself, but I'm still struggling with that as well.
That's good to hear! :) I'm not giving up either and hopefully I learn eventually as well! But if not, sometimes I think it's just good to accept who we are, failures and all.. Even if it doesn't line up with how we thought we should be. At least we tried! That's one of the most important things in my opinion.. Is just to try. Even if we don't succeed. We can hopefully feel better knowing we gave it a go and that our heart was in the right place even if it didn't work out. <3