Not everybody needs to be in a relationship
Recently I came across a poll that was being done close to last Valentine’s day on February 14th. The poll was done by online dating service and asked 500 people from all across the world for the reasons they had decided to get married. The results were quite surprising.
Or not. You will be the judge of that.
- Only 30% of them got married out of love to each other.
- Most of them decided to institutionalize their relationship because they wanted to have children.
- Almost 10% got married in order to have financial security.
- A very small percentage answered that the main reason that had caused them to get married was related to their relationship with their spouse.
- Only 6%, for instance, reported that they had done that because they were attracted to their spouse.
- For 2% the reason for getting married was because they matched and a similar percentage reasoned their decision by sharing and communication.
- Minor of the examinees said that they got married out of a commitment to their partner.
- Almost 4% admitted that they got married because they had not wanted to remain alone.
- 3% did that just to satisfy the parents.
- And finally, it turned out to be that the mortgage was also one of the reasons to tighten the relationship – 2% of the people said that they got married so they could get a loan from the bank.
All of my siblings are in committed relationships/married, two after going through divorces. And I do ponder sometimes the reasons they have gotten married in the first place. Or, if one is still single then what would be one's reasons to want to get married? In the past years, we witness an increasing growth in the number of young people that choose not to get married. Side by side there are more and more couples who decide to get divorced after many years of living together.
What is happening? Why people do not want to get married? And on the other end why people decide to do a very irrational act and divorce?
The answer is quite obvious to me - both sectors fear to miss something. The concept of TrueLove is becoming global. We are being taught that we can have anything we want – fame, wealth, success – so why not A TrueLove kind of a relationship?!
Many people carry within them a burning flame that pushes them to seek that true lover of them and so they fear to marry their current boyfriend/girlfriend for s/he might not be that “One” or, on the other side, they finally find enough courage to divorce the person they do not love anymore.
I do not negate, of course, any of the practical reasons that push people to get married (offsprings/money/emotions). However, for the ones who walk the path of Realization, I say the following words, the same one I say to myself -
Deciding to marry someone and to connect your destiny with them is a very sacred decision. Make sure you give full intention when you say “I Do”. Full and complete intention to your inner motives and to the voices that speak to you. Once you are certain that you marry your True-Lover stick to that decision and step boldly into the unknown territory of the Kingdom of Love.
A True-love relationship is a journey of One
I am not a counselor. Not a regular one, anyhow.
When a couple addresses a qualified psychologist in order to solve their relationships’ problems, the integrated process that they go through with the counselor requires their cooperation. Both the spouses are expected to deal with their issues together. Naturally, the perception that lies behind such a pattern of work says that a relationship is a creation of two and therefore demands mutual responsibility.
I do not undermine such point of view. Not at all.
However, the purpose of the work that I do is different. When I am asked to counsel someone I do not give much importance to the question of whether or not that person is involved in a relationship. How come? Because I focus on the individual’s own growth as a sole human being and because I know that once that growth is genuinely executed, and in a healthy way, the relationship issues as well will find their own balance.
The first checking that I do with any human being who comes to me is to ask them: “what do you choose?”; “do you believe in TrueLove?” And I make sure that the individual has declared to themselves: “I choose for myself Realization”. By such statement the person understands – not always consciously – that what is on stake is his own life, and no one - not even his loving spouse – has any power to influence him/her.
Therefore, when such a declaration is made it also expresses the inner strength that lies within the individual and prepares the basis and readiness for learning. Then, I appear and offer my guidance (at several institutions, like this one, pro bono).
Due to the fact that one’s calling for one’s TrueLove is done privately and secretly it would be pointless to intimately involve one’s spouse in the process and certainly not on the first stages. Indeed, basic harmony and honesty do necessitate that one advises one’s close people about the journey and the changes that would come. However, such notification has no influence on the outcomes and therefore it’s not a must.
I realize that my approach may seem to contradict any rational thought because some would say that even though a person can grow and change, once s/he returns to the old relationship and tackle the spouse who has not undergone a similar process, the old conflicts and issues would rise up again.
And I say - No, they would not!
When a genuine inner work is done and the individual goes through a transformation that affects their entire energetic essence, then their whole immediate life-surroundings, and their loved ones, in particular, are changed as well. It is simple and real.
All the above does not say that if both the spouses wanted to develop together and to reach TrueLove together they would encounter impedances and ultimately would fail.
On the contrary – the shared work and the mutual commitment would only accelerate and ease the process. The challenge for such couples would be to remember that although their goal is one and the same they might take different routes. They would have to understand that the responsibility for their own growth remains theirs and theirs alone. Therefore, when difficult times might arrive it will not be appropriate to blame their peers as the cause of the dire situation. Even when the growing is done together the responsibility remains personal, each spouse for their own!
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