FADING DREAMS

I have dreamt of you. I have prayed for you, hoping that my dreams would become real, sanctioned by the almighty. In my dreams, it is love at first sight. It is sure and there's no doubt in our eyes as we sway into each other.

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In my dreams, you are beautiful and in your eyes I see a different me. I see a stronger, fiercer, surer me. I see that you believe in the possibilities in me and that you are willing to go all the way with me. In my dreams, I am all you need and you are all I need.

I have searched for you almost all of my life. I have thought, each time I start something beautiful with a girl, that she is you and that I can cease my search but I find that each time, I have to start all over again as my mistakes become glaring after a while.

Everytime the girl leaves, I wonder if you had come and gone without my knowing. I wonder if i have driven you away with my insecurities, weakness and excuses but I wan't to believe that you would never abandon me to the fates. I believe that you will stand by me, hold my hands and walk with me to the end
no mater what I have become. I still believe this.

But as each and every day passes and I get older and older, I wonder if i would ever find you, if you have not gone already? I wonder if my dream is not a foolish hope and a waste of time? I even feel the need to abandon the dream, to cling to the next girl that comes my way whether she is you or not.

I am afraid that time has taken its toll and my dreams are slowly changing. In recent times, I have stopped to dream of you and me but rather my dreams have become sad affairs of me alone, watching the sunset on my life, my hopes, my aspirations. Even in my dreams, I do not exchange you for another. It is either you or nothing.

To be alone for a long time seems a sad place to be. Yet, I fear my feet leads me towards such a place. Maybe I should take any chance I find to hitch my tent with anyone. Would that be a betrayal or a shattering of my fool's paradise? I have to face reality one day and it sucks. I wish my dreams did come true. I wish I met you and we did all I dreamt we could do. I wish but wishes are nothing.

©warpedpoetic, 2019.