THE DARKNESS OF LOVE
I love him. He hurts me. I can't leave
The word love. Such a short word, one syllable but as heavy as they come. Some liken love to the breath of fresh air in the morning waking up by the sea side or the first look at a new born or the moment you sacrifice for another. love! love! love!
Self love, love for food, love for a person, a thing. There is always love and its always seen as the greater good. But when love is dark and mysterious, scary and possessive, abusive and violent. What do you do when love is poison and cripples you but you cannot let go? Well let me indulge you in a story. Mine to tell.
So there i was all full of life and at least 45% of my innocense still intact. The only daughter of an average business man and only sister to six of the best and worst men you will ever know and well on my way to college and breaking out of the shell of being tended to at my every beck and call.
It was a week to resumption and i was prepped fro the long drive down with the family. The day could not come any faster. Finally, all settled and ready for the semester to begin. I decided to take a walk around campus to get a feel of the place. A cold windy evening. 4.15 pm to be precise. I walked passed the grand hall of the school. Taking in the new environment that will serve as home for the next four years. I caught the eye of an unsuspecting stranger. It was just a glance and i thought nothing of it.
It was the first day of the semester and i was already feeling like i was going to lose it. Here came this 6ft 5inch, tall glass of chocolate goodness coming my way. His face was familiar. Then of course i remembered he was the stranger i saw a few days ago. "Hi, Im Ashton. I saw you a couple days ago walking by the grand hall". I immediately concurred. I could not get enough of his build, I mean are you an alien nigga? I thought to myself.
We got along pretty quickly and he was all about my grades and doing my best. We were good. I loved every waking moment with him and i could safely say he loved it too. We were two peas in a pod. I mean we were not dating but he treated my like a princess. I was used to being spoiled rotten but he took it to a whole new level. Surprising me with expensive jewelry and clothes. It was a girls dream coupled with the fact that my grades were touching the roof. I felt safe wherever i was with him and even as simple as hearing his voice. It was good until it wasn't anymore.
You see that was the colourful part of it all. Ashton would beat me when i made the slightest mistake and hurt me but i would cover up for it and go back to him like a lost puppy. He was a drug for me. He would drug, beat and rape me. But just like an addiction, i would come back to him like i had nowhere else, my grades immediately crashed and i was on the verge of expulsion.
I was drowning in love and there was no life raft or anyone to pull me out. Was this love? I thought it was all rosy and soft and dreamy. This was abusive, hateful and dark. I still could not leave. And it was on that faithful day that i lost it all. Ashton had seen me with another person from school. He requested my presence at his loft and as a good puppy, i went to him. Without a sentence said, he threw me to the ground, raped and strangled me. I died that day.
It was love or so I thought.
That's it for today guys. If you like it please,
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