The Thing That Roams

With every day that passes, she comes a little closer to terms with your absence. You're gone, you'd probably never come back, she knows that eventually she'd have to completely accept this. She just misses you. She misses how with you, it seemed like she was the only person in the world. She misses how hard you made her laugh, how you came home and told her stories of your day, everyday. Misses the hilarious shows you put on for her, singing terribly and gesticulating to Reekado's Move.

You made her worry a little less, did you know that? With you, beside you, she always felt a little more safe.

How could you be all those things for a girl knowing fully well that she was pining for another man? It seemed like you didn't mind, like you could handle it, but it turns out you were hurting more than you showed.

Perhaps it is just as well that you left, a person has to look after himself first. Maybe you decided that there were too many ghosts in her eyes and it'd take a million years to get rid of them all. They haunted you. Maybe you got tired of trying to reach her, maybe you got really scared that you were falling into her soul and you knew somehow that she wouldn't help you if you drowned.

She is terrified that she'd never find anyone else like you again, (this is untrue, there're almost 10 billion people in the world today). You would find someone else and she probably would too, but right now it feels so impossible.

It could be that the both of you weren't meant to be. Maybe fate had sat and decided it was best to end things before they went any further. Fate is cruel. Fate brought the both of you together in the first place, now she's decided to pull you both apart. This is what you get when you give too much power to a thing. Sigh.

Every one says she's been stupid, holding on to you like this. You've gone, the rational thing to do would be to move on. But they don't know half the things she does. They've never rocked you to sleep before, never held you in their arms, never seen the tears that pooled at the corners of your eyes as you handed money to the blind woman and her guide kid. They do not know that you sing in the shower, that you hate to be asked what you want to eat, you would just like the food to come without you making any decisions. All you wanted to do was pay for it. They have not seen you giggle and squirm like a kid when she grabs your butt and calls it cute. They do not see you when your guard is dropped behind closed doors, they do not know that you like to be cuddled. They do not know that your heart is a million times larger than normal and it hurts when the people you have their backs, turn around and stab yours. But these are the little things that she can't forget.

Look, it bothers her that she didn't let you know how these things were important to her. Perhaps even she did not realize them then. Absence has a way of making the heart grow fonder. If you could just return for a day, or two, she'd let you know these things, and then you can decide whether to stay or leave. You won after all. It is you she wants.

Oluwatoyin