To Love or not to love?
Boycotting Valentine’s Day.
A month to go. I am early, I know. I am getting this in, well in advance. I have a major issue with this nonsense marked on our calendar. I am probably not Catholic enough for any saint, and granted: for Ms. Sour-Puss this commercially stoked festive occasion has never meant anything personally (never had it observed in my name), but call me resentful or bitter all you like (and be mistaken), I remain deeply concerned.
I believe there is something ill about the direction we are taking our notions of love into.
Photo credit:Maira Gallardo
When Love Rots
I wish romance and its delusion would be discouraged in our society.
It inhibits the growth of meaningful relationships. It prevents true encounter. It reflects nothing of what we need to see in order to learn and get our act together.
No I am not advocating arranged marriages and business contracts or Platonic relationships only. Far from it! But do read up on or listen to the In Our Time podcast on marriage for a wider context on the subject of partnerships supposedly built on love alone, as convening with our prevailing ideal. Know why (Saint) Paul was not against sex but against marriage. Understand why the Babylonians already used marriage mainly to regulate sexual behaviour (and fault adultery or promiscuity).
I understand we are in that phase of (God's) children becoming (independent) adolescents. Beware how you won't be getting another set of teeth, now.
The Slow Road
In relationships we learn about responsibility. In how far am I responsible, ever, for anybody else? Toss a child into the mix and pose the question again! If only we could enter the stage where we wholeheartedly (with great sensitivity and objective observation) first assume responsibility over ourselves before the idea to connect romantically comes to us as a next life-step. So far, overall, we bump into someone we fancy and take it from there. Nothing regulated or determined about it. Often little more than sex-therapy. It makes for a slow and bumpy road of self-discovery at the expense of very many other lives, interpenetrating your casual affair.
Photo credit: Rod Long on Unsplash
Down with romance!
I wish romance and its delusion would be discouraged in our society.
My son and his pipistrelle have created a lovey-dovey world for themselves. If humans continue to entertain such romantic drivel into the future, I will not hold out for the salvation of Man. I hear the pros countering my disapproval (as if their love were innocent – if only it were even love).
- But it is better than gang warfare!
- But it isn’t needle park drama!
- But it isn’t bullying nor suicidal tendencies!
It’s cute and fluffy and safe and sweet, some might croon at the sight of their heart-spilling apps. Not one but three smileys with hearts for eyes, hearts for mouths, hearts around their smiley hearty heads precede and conclude I heart U.
I despair.
Before you call me a down-right party pooper, let me leave you with a song of which I wholeheartedly approve. It's only sex and money (pop) after all. It's the mush which is neither/nor and dolls itself up as domestic bliss that irritates me into blazing hot-flushes.
Film Tip to complement this post.
Not a mind-blowing film, but Italian enough to make for a pleasant little excursion if you fancy travelling, "Il Colore Nascosto delle Cose" (The Hidden Colour Of Things) makes for a (fairly obvious) plea that love is only discovered when one sees with the heart (so when one is blind for superficialities, as the visually handicapped woman is while the advertising agent deals in nothing but).
You know the animas peeps say you ought to have head, heart and groin all engaged in order to know which way to go.
I once went to an animas underworld retreat in which we were sent out into the woods at night and told to use all of these, thinking, feeling, yearning and how it was easier for men sexually with their arrows so obviously pointing out the direction of their desires, and that they had most difficulty with their hearts.
You would have laughed at me trying to figure out which trail to take using my "penis sense." :)
Not sure why I'm bringing that up except that I still want to believe there might be an all--head and heart so engaged that I am passionately orgasmic! Happy V day <3 (insert a line of emoji's here)
Why all of us?
It is the case that young people should have their ideas of romantic love, otherwise they would only have pure sex with each other, shortly after they are sexually mature and we all know how exciting it was to go to the public courtship display and have our first sexual experiences there in excitement.
Romantic love has replaced the purpose relationship or its opposite current has added meaning to the pure expediency of man and woman existence, in addition to reproducing oneself and forming a survival community that includes more than shelter and food. Without this romanticism, everything would still be a preservation of vested rights.
These errors in the story seem to be softening. The older you get, the less important romance is. Other things take this place. Like trust in each other and getting used to the quirks and peculiarities of a person with whom you are willing to live in relationship.
When there is no close relationship, one turns to other spiritual things and guards the treasures of insight and spiritual refuge for oneself. This is just one model among others. But age definitely has something to do with it and the maturity that life has brought.
I find myself already beyond romanticism, but would not have wanted to miss it in younger years, even if it was part of an illusion. This illusion led me to look for a third man after two men who suits me better. So it is now and I notice that some of my female friends keep it the same way and lead their relationships away from sexual needs, more a regular everyday life where the conflicts become less and one realizes that one can be mutually beneficial in old age. Since one' s own children no longer replace this part and leave the house just when they could finally be a full labour force. Many children are supported by their mature parents for a very long time. That is the lot of modern people. It has many advantages as well as disadvantages.
I will see if I can find and watch that movie.
Stay well, sister.
You sort of underscore my very key (and esoteric) point: it took you two mistakes to find the right man.....Okay not mistakes in any life-drama sense (even the drama is great for development) but as we will be running out of time and space for the next generations, something is going to have to become more efficient about love, and the other drivel has to be cut short. In my personal case with my son, e.g. there is not even Romantic romance, just second hand ideas, which leads to playing with hellish fire. Think of unwanted pregnancies ....
You have no regrets, great, and it makes you wise by human standards (and what else is there, you may fairly argue) but from an angel's perspective it is all still very personal. When will love become greater than that? That was what I was hoping somebody would end up asking themselves after my (manichaen) piece.
And so the psychologist and the metaphysician could debate forever more! But the psychologist would always win (they're on your side, sister!)
There was enough drama involved to learn from it:)
We are all on the same side, I guess. Just look from different angles and feelings or terminology.
Love will become the greatest the day we die, I think. There we probably will see and merge together with the All.
Very beautiful thought to bear in mind!
I sometimes even believe it myself!
The trick is to live as if it is the only truth.
Thank you for reminding me!
my pleasure. The word traveled also through me taken up from those who act as reminders:)
Oh God you're back! I could cry, I swear.
I AM crying: you ain't back!
I'm working on it!!
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