Today I logged onto my facebook to see a notification that I knew was coming but had managed to put out of my mind.

Happy birthday, @lauralemons. I hope you are having some kind of introverted ghosty celebration in the cosmos! <3

Instead of being incredibly sad like I had expected, I find that I... am grateful. Not for her death, of course. But I am grateful that she held on for as long as she did. That she came back from the edge so many times. I have a lot of regrets, but I am working on those slowly. It is hard to digest the fact that your friend was going to kill themselves and there really is nothing you could have done to stop that. But it is a pill I have learned to swallow. Especially with a lot of support.

I am spending the day quietly reflecting on her, her fantastic spirit, and our friendship. Also, a lot of reflecting is going into where she catapulted me.

If you had told me this time last year that I would be going to Australia to be with my partner, I would have thought you mad as a hatter. Me? In spider country? A ginger in the land of blistering heat? lolwut.

@sammosk and I in Melbourne.
And yet, here I am.

Through cause and effect, Laura cohercing (boardering on harrassing) me to join steemit has quite possibly set the path for the rest of my life, and it looks so wonderful. I would have none of the things or people in my life that I have without her. Without her building up my confidence and telling me how much I would be loved here. Without her basically dragging me here kicking and screaming.

She gave me friends and a man that I am mad about.

And I am seeing amazing things with him.

I wish more than anything I could tell her where I am. And I could thank her. I may not know where she is right now, but I do know how insanely proud she would be of me for "doing the thing". For doing THE BIG THING.

A while back her roommate sent me a package covered in some of her stickers and filled with some of her clothes and trinkets. I decided to bring one of them with me half way across the world and I wear it everyday. A little bracelet covered in skulls and grey beads. I carry a little reminder of her with me everywhere I go on my new adventure.

You can see the bracelet in this adorable picture of Ruby, an Australian Boxer.

Happy birthday, my morbid, nutty, tragic, beautiful friend. You have given the world more gifts in your short time here than could ever be given back to you. <3

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