My Shitty Story About Driving Across the Country (WA to VA)

I made it back. That whole trip was brutal both physically and emotionally. I actually almost made it from Iowa to Washington without stopping for sleep until the sleep dep caught up with from over the last couple weeks. I started hallucinating hard.

But anyway, since Elise is having this breakdown or whatever it is I'm going to share with you what she did to me.

Back in December she wanted to move in with me. I suggested she come and visit first so we made plans to do that. I scheduled time off work and had everything set. I even had money set aside for her plane ticket because I knew she couldn't afford that. I was excited because she really made me believe that she had a thing for me (spare the details). Time comes around and she flakes and then tells me I'm creepy. It fucked me up. So eventually we started talking off and on again and I got attached... again. She had her drunken explosion and texted me randomly "goodbye". That fucked me up because we were getting close again and I didn't understand. After she got out of jail she said she was saying that because she was suicidal. Then she started crushing and telling me to "come over" and wanting me to move over there. So I let her sit after this last breakup of hers for a month or so because I wanted to make sure it wasn't some rebound garbage. Now, I'm not going to play it cool and act like I wasn't losing my godamn mind over her. She absolutely made me crazy. I don't go crazy about people, but for some reason with her, I did. On July 2, I called her and asked her out on a date. Obviously the whole distance thing came up. She said she would hang out with me if I came and visited. I totally understand that and I said it would still be worth the drive to go and spend time with her.

So I busted my ass at work to have the money for gas. I bought all the parts to throw that POS car together in a few days.

(Short side story is I've never driven that car until the day I left. It had been in my garage for two years. But I knew it got between 40 and 50 mpg sooo... necessity is the mother of creativity.)

Then I crafted together a nice birthday present that she could use for one of her jobs (another half finished project that had been sitting for months).

The entire time from when I asked her out to the point of the trip I was a nervous wreck. I don't know if I had anxiety or not, but I would sleep 2 hours at a time and be up for 48 hours randomly one to two times per week and then get horrendously nauseated. I was freaking the fuck out because I was scared she was going to hate me and my biggest fear was that she would just blow me off.

The entire drive over, I was a wreck. I mean I was emotional; I would just start crying out of fear. I kept having problems with the car I had to fix. Again, I didn't sleep.

I showed up and guess what happened? She blew me off. She said she was going to work one job and then her other and then go to sleep and that maybe we could hangout on Sunday because she only had plans up until noon. She must of felt guilty or something because she called and invited me for drinks with her and Herzon at 10 so we had a couple beers. She blew me off on Sunday.

I was destroyed. All I had done. All the times I was there when she was having a shit day. All the time I spent trying to help her with her crypto trading losses. All the fucking money I've spent. All I wanted was to spend some time with her. I didn't say, "hey, you should fuck me to pay me back." I literally only wanted her to spend time because I wanted more than anything to see the real Elise (and ironically I did). I thought I was worth that. For about twenty hours straight on the drive home I thought about what I needed to do before I killed myself (no worries all better now, just a minor mental break). I thought of how worthless I was and how I was used.

That, my friend, is why I visited Richmond, VA.