JULY - WHEN YOU PICK YOUR POSION MAKE SURE SHE'S WORTHY

At places i shouldn't be, doing the things i shouldn't be doing.
At this age all is available for the taking, everything and nothing is guaranteed.
Here I am, doing the Lord's work; textbook expectations of someone my age, someone with a dream? Someone who believes in the future. Just not with the people I'd thought I'll be with - dreams change you know, hearts get broken too. You can never be sure of anyone but yourself then even you surprise you sometimes.

Spent plenty time on the road to and fro the city I've called home for the past 4 years, for the safety of my ears i unplug my buds every now and then - quality thinking time, when in transit life is seen in a different perspective, why am i running? What awaits me at my destination? Was my farewell hug tight enough? Will she wait for me? Will I return? No answers so I plug the music back into my head.

On my birthday about a week ago my mom sang and danced in my room, we laughed, hugged and she prayed for me - we had a fight this morning, terrible choice of words, me and her; we always let emotion get the best of us. On that day someone told me they loved me, I went out for air and found it fresh. That day was the closest I've been to tears, happy tears. I always try crying but the tears never oblige.

I had the weirdest of interviews with the most unimaginable questions, found a diamond amongst the pebbles i kept for an aquarium. A kiss fooled me, no not really, I chose desire over common sense and darned the consequences. I can't blame myself though, even in my delusional state I can't deny how good breasts feel, moist soft skin too. But then if it's from a loved one.

July is over and I'm at this table again, my room is in its trademark setting, closed curtains, tight shut windows, few clothes here and there with an empty plate on the floor - ask her she'll tell you.
Marking the month's register, these and thats, there was a little of everything. Not sure it was worth it, but surely want to try again.

Pluses and minuses it's still one of the best months I've ever heard, in every way. Too many commas because I stop for a brief thought after each phrase, why she chose to be a momentary inspiration I'll never understand. I can spend a lifetime writing of her laugh, smell and little round belly. English is terrible too, using words i haven't used in a long time and autocorrect is off.

Yes, July was one of the best months ever, i received a long overdue birthday gift and found faith. I almost died and I'm back on the path that almost killed me - makes you stronger if it doesn't kill you ehn?

Still not sure what to make of myself, poor photographer, wannabe writer, art fiend, confused biologist, mummy and daddy's friend. All i can say is I'm the best man for the job - not her job.

I look forward to August with more hope and confidence than ever before because i know now some new things and I've been making moves plus it's my brother's birth month.
Aching head, numbness, half palate, five missing teeth - still grinding.

TLDR
Something is gonna crush you someday (it's mostly love) and you'll be the one to pick that poison.
When you do, make sure she's worth it.

P. S. I'm going to text my mum, i love her terribly but I'm bad at it, this love thing i mean - ask her she'll tell you.