Pricked in the heart (concluding part)

In retrospect now, I recall one of my favourite moments then. It was a cool Friday evening at a public cinema. The movie was about the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. It wasn't Mel Gibson's Passion of Christ, but it was no less poignant. The scene was at Golgotha. The beating, crowning with thorns, the dragging, the subsequent nailing and then the hanging of the cross made for a really touching moment. There we were, sitted side by side. Unconsciously, she reached for my arm and gently laid her head on my shoulder. While, I was as enamoured by the gory scene as almost everyone else there present, I felt the closeness and felt taller than ever then. After, the '....lama sabachtani' statement, I finally stole a look at her face, it was sad, anguished, and full of indignation....

She eventually sat up, smiled at me and before I could summon back the words that had deserted me, she was summoned and I ended up brooding home alone that night. We will however meet in class. Chat through breaks between classes - all on general issues but never about us. It was a fresh experience for me but I knew something was happening to me. Something different and maiden. I was however comfortable in the thought that, I have got so much ahead to do. The days sped by, the weeks mounted and holiday concludes and the final day of parting came.

I recall my standing there at a corner of the class. Staring but seeing nothing. Lost in thoughts and 'what ifs'. Fully unaffected by the bubbly atmosphere of chatter and remonstrations. I was immune to observations. I just stood there. Lethargic and stuck in action-less thoughts. Then, she came...

I didn't see her coming, I just saw her before me. There she was, wearing this little apprehensive smile. Those big brown eyes locked with mine. I can recall the moment like I am watching it on the screen of this device. She had looked me straight in the eyes, then without warning hugged me ever so briefly, then planted a kiss on my cheek. I felt something run through me that seemed to keep me rooted to the spot. My eyes must have lit up. My jaw probably dropped. But then, she just smiled and said 'bye'.

I just watched her leave, my tongue seemed to have been glued to the roof of my mouth. I can't be certain but I guess I watched her retreating back till she got out of sight. I probably would have continued staring unseeingly, had my jolly friends not popped up from who knows where to ask 'did you get her number?' Its amazing to think of how it just never occured to me to get her number. It wasn't like it mattered though.

We did get to see on a few occasions after then. But all without even an exchange of a word. Only stares. One of such was during a church service in which she was sitted at the choir stall and we both looked up to stare at each other during prayers. Another was at a public water tap with Boyz II Men's 'End of the Road' song blasting from a loudspeaker nearby, while we shared our usual eye-lock.

I think I pity the me of those times. I knew myself to be functionally outgoing and dauntless when I had to interract with the females. I however was prejudiced at the first notice of my having an interest in one. I just came unstuck or hooked when it came to her. My thoughts then was to focus on my studies and not on any other thing that my share that attention. But even I knew I can't aquiesce to that rational overly. It was really the first time my heart battled my head. It was the time I lost my indifference and nonchalance. Yeah, I got pricked in the heart as a result, mildly, it was, but lastingly deep and unforgettable it has been.