When I was younger, but a child - only in my early prime,
I had visions of how my life will be filled with love.
I envisioned How I will surf the earth with the one person who I was the object of his affection.
How I would esteem him as my Lord and Carry him like a king...
And how he would worship me as a goddess and pay obeisance at my shrine.
Such were my vain thoughts and I trembled at the thoughts of such love.
A love that will be an example, a fortress where nothing could penetrate, a force that conquered anything in its path.
No wonder, I wasn't in a rush and waited patiently because I felt in my mind, such a person and such a love could exist.
But it wasn't to be so...
I loved freely, no walls erected to keep joy and love out.
But as I got hurt, as I got my love thrown back in my face probably because I fell in the hands of the wrong people, I lost my capacity to truly love.
No longer do I readily heed the flatter showered on me.
No longer do I have faith in words of men.
For they give because they want something I can not give...
Now, 'tis better to see all promises as lies and ignore.
'Tis better to reject any gifts because it seems no one gives them away without thorny strings attached to them.
Not just a wall but a fortress so high and highly fortified do I find around my heart; not as I wanted but unknowingly, I have built it with every brick of hurt thrown at me. Obviously I can't take any more - I am shut out and shut in..
Unfortunately, the walls that keep the hurt and pain out - shut out
Also keep the love out...
My interests all gone.
Little Wonder I lost my flair for poetry.
I am content to be alone and find peace- shut in my shell
Not looking up to anyone; none looking up to me.
I find myself in a deep sleep that will last for who knows how long = no cares.....