Five Love Languages
Sometimes my wife and I are worlds apart. One of the reasons is communication. The word "communicate" implies an exchange of ideas or information. But I am not a native speaker of five languages so how can I know what others are trying to communicate? Before learning to speak any language, one must first learn to listen. Listening to love means to observe. What I heard for years from my wife could be described as "nagging" but is actually a cry to be loved. She is usually asking for a massage or complaining about how I left something in the wrong place. For a while I took this the wrong way thinking she was trying to get on my case, but considering her love language she was just saying she wants to be loved. When I come home she will say something like, "Look I cleaned the house!" or "The dinner looks really good!" or "Look I bought you a new sweater!" I am tempted to answer, "The kids will mess up the house again," or "I'm not hungry" or "I don't need a new sweater" but I know this is her love language. Have you figured it out yet? She gives love in the way that she wants to receive love. It is my responsibility to perceive her love and respond regardless of my own native love language. Not only my wife but each of my children have their own love language. My youngest son will come up to me and bite me or put a book in front of my face. Can you guess his love language? My older son will come up to me and jump on me even though he is bigger than me. He also looks for gifts to give to younger kids at school. Can you guess his love language? You probably got it by now. According to Gary Chapman's book from 1995 there are five love languages.
1. Words of affirmation – They want to hear good words like "the food looks great" and "I love you" and "thank you". If they hear negative words they can be hurt. If they are insulted they can be hurt for a long time and it is hard for them to get over it and forgive others for sharp words. Of course, this is my wife's second language used for expressing love.
2. Quality time – this is not just time together but undivided attention. This is me. When people spend time with me I become good friends just being together. But if they are not there then my stomach hurts. If plans are canceled or time together is taken away for something else I feel offended. So even if it is short, quality time moves my heart.
3. Giving gifts – this is not just buying stuff. This is like my older son. He reminds people all the time when his birthday is coming up. He also prepares gifts for other people and gets excited to give them.
4. Acts of service - They love to give a helping hand. To them actions speak better than words. But watch out if you get in the way or make their work more difficult but not putting your socks away. They can't stand it and will complain about you for not helping out and being irresponsible or lazy. No matter what I do for nothing is really good enough. My standard is too low and my wife's standard too high. I just try not to defend myself and look and watch out for the things that make her upset.
5. Physical touch – this person needs to be touched. Anything from a pat on the back, a handshake, holding hands, massage, the list goes on. Beware or demanding touch or abuse. It's better to ask for help from a professional.
Considering these five love languages and the way I perceive my wife I can tell she expresses her love in acts of service and words of affirmation. Gifts and touch are third and fourth but are also very important to her. My love language is quality time and words of affirmation. The others are not so effective but as time goes on I am beginning to give and receive in other love languages. I would like to perceive, receive and give in all love languages according to each person's needs but it is not easy. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of forgiveness and humility. Do you know what kind of love language you use? Do you know the love languages of the people around you? What do you think about this? Let me know in the comments.
Love ,
365GROOVY
Again credit goes to Charles Schultz for Peanuts cartoon.
This is such an important message to everyone in a relationship! Thanks for the info. Im going to experiment with my honey to see what his language is. Upvoted
Thanks a lot. We need a lot of patience and the ears of love to interpret actions of complaining and uneasiness as love that was not received. And also we need to interpret our "honey's" actions of sacrifice and giving to us as love even though we don't understand it yet. This post is my helpful to me because if love is there then she will trust me to spend time with writing but as for now I have to put my cell phone and computer away when she or the kids are present.
This post has been selected for curation by @msp-curation by @clayboyn and has been upvoted and will be featured in the weekly philosophy curation post. It will also be considered for the official @minnowsupport curation post and if selected will be resteemed from the main account. Feel free to join us on Discord!
Thank you for you consideration and support. I am glad Gary Chapman wrote the book and clarified the five love languages. This idea is very useful in understanding the people around me and their needs. That is what I wanted to share most here. I'm glad you noticed and I feel honored to be featured in the weekly philosophy curation post.
Thanks for the information. Now I see why sometimes it is so hard to understand you^^ LOL
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I found it curious the first thing you commented on, listening before speaking and yes, that is how the language development begins. Regarding your publication, if you are right we must arm ourselves with patience and above all respect.
Thank you virtuous @marynes5. It's not easy for anybody. The old rule in English grammar was I before E except after C. The rule in a relationship is always E first except after C.