You No Longer Control Me
It took me a while to realize how manipulative, controlling, and critical you were. There were plenty of signs, looking back now. My friends and family saw through you, but I was too blind at the time. You’d tell me I was full of drama, damaged, “angry,” or “dark,” whenever I questioned anything or stood up for myself.
Then there were the things you constantly criticized me about, like not taking my trash out soon enough, not putting my dishes in the dishwasher right away, or folding my clothes immediately. My sheets, towels, and bath mats were never soft enough or expensive enough or good enough. I didn’t shop at the right stores or buy the right things. And I drank too much.
You didn’t like most of my friends and family, and didn’t want to spend much time with them. When you did spend time with them, you complained, made fun of them, or controlled the amount of time we spent with them. We left parties or weekend trips early because you didn’t want to stay too long and if you didn’t get your way, you pouted, whined and acted like an ass. You criticized my friends and family for not being ambitious enough, not being healthy, thin, attractive, or fun enough. Everyone was beneath you and not worthy of your time or attention.
You hated the way I kissed, made me change it, and had lots of intimacy dos and don’ts. There were always so many rules. You informed me I didn’t exercise enough, didn't control my emotions enough, didn’t dress sexy enough, and didn’t manage my finances well enough.
It was never enough and I’d never be good enough. But then one day I realized it wasn’t me. It was YOU that wasn’t enough or good enough... for me... or my family... or my friends. We deserved better and you didn’t deserve us. So, I chose to let you go. Now you can no longer manipulate, control, and criticize me and I am finally free to be me.
So, maybe I am old fashioned.
I understand you have been through hell and feel like exploding to reach for the stars because you are free now to be you.
All relationships need some sacrifice and adjustment, but it sounds as if yours took such to an extreme.
I am glad for you and I hope you meet the right person (without you doing it to him), and achieve the level of happiness a good relationship provides for both.
However, what I said about being old fashioned; I have never liked it when people break up and make what was private, public. At least you did not give his name, which is something...
I appreciate your feedback. I never mention anyone by name and I also go by a pseudonym, so anyone anonymously referenced is safe. Blogging about life and love is therapeutic for me and no one is harmed in the process. :)
:)
I hope you are not upset with me, as I did try to show you that I understand how you must be feeling and if he was that bad, then it may be time for karma to take a swipe at him.
I am elderly and what I was saying is that in my day, if I met a young lady I was keen on and she privately told me what she has endured, I would sympathise AND do all I can to help rebuild her self-confidence. However, if she wrote about it to a woman's magazine, despite using an alias, and aired her grievances, I would probably withdraw...for I would worry that if for some reason I do not meet her expectations, she might let the world know how I failed her.
We used to say that a gentleman never kisses and tells; but at the same time, we also expected the details of our relationship to remain private.
Of course I am talking about normal relationships, not something like yours where the one is an abuser - even if it is because of his own fears and low self-esteem.
Times have changed, it seems to be so rare that I find young couples (I am not talking about you anymore, just sounding off) feel that respect for their loved one is important - just that their loved one respects them, also, as very few feel it is worth making sacrifices for building a good relationship (the only way it can happen, even if times have changed). No wonder such a few marriages last.
Some day our great-grandchildren may land on other planets and do things that we cannot imagine, but, certain basics, of what we need for our relationships to be strong, will still be recognisable. Have you ever wondered why it is we demand and experiment for new ways to evolve our relationships as couples, and yet the basics of what we expect from friends remains the same and we do not even think of changing them?
Not upset at all! You make some very good points! Thank you for your thoughts and feedback! Life is hard and love is harder...
...and life without love is the hardest.
I hope you do well here and if you need any info, just ask