The Not-So-Innocent Friendship
It all begins innocently enough. You’ve been married for a while; you may or may not have kids. You’ve become bored and lonely, or maybe you don’t even realize you’re bored and lonely. And then one day, “Mr. Interesting” compliments you, shows you attention or flirts with you and, wham, you realize you like it and it makes you feel alive again.
It can be something as simple as you saying you’re not feeling well at work and receiving the following response from Mr. Interesting coworker: “Well, you certainly look fine,” followed by a little wink. Okay, maybe you’re caught off-guard at first but you also suddenly feel like a giddy teenager. And you like that feeling!
Or how about this little doozy of a line: “Your husband is one lucky guy…” Suddenly you may think: Hmm, why doesn’t my husband act like a lucky guy? You may even present that tidbit of information to Mr. Interesting by replying, “I’m not sure he feels that way…” This is where it gets dangerous. You’ve just opened yourself up to flattery, flirtation… and vulnerability (in his eyes). And Mr. Interesting is going to tell you what you want to hear. And you want to hear it, dammit!
But, instead, you thank Mr. Interesting for his kind words and quickly move on but you can’t stop thinking about that compliment and the rush it gave you. That rush you haven’t felt in a really long time.
Today, in this age of electronics and the internet, flattery, flirtation and even vulnerability can seem more “innocent” when it’s not in person. Soon, you may find yourself instant messaging with that flirtatious, recently divorced Mr. Interesting at work. Or Facebook messaging with that flattering, once-again-interesting ex-boyfriend who is now unhappy in his marriage and wondering how he let you get away.
You’re laughing, sharing, flirting and reveling in the thrill of it all! You find out you have the same sense of humor as Mr. Interesting. You like the same music, the same food, the same movies and books. Mr. Interesting finds you attractive, funny, smart and hot and tells you often. Wow! When was the last time you were told you were all those things?
You may even share your deep, dark secrets with Mr. Interesting; maybe even your “marital problems”. He doesn’t judge you, of course. He totally gets you, understands you and can possibly even relate. He feels almost like a soulmate but you push that thought from your mind because you’re already married to your soulmate… Aren’t you?
Soon you may be scheduling lunch “dates”, just as friends, of course. You meet once a week and discuss life. It feels fun and carefree, but innocent enough because, after all, you’re just friends. But feelings begin to grow and soon you start thinking Mr. Interesting might actually be Mr. Wonderful! You’re on Cloud 9 and you’re hooked!
Lunches may soon turn into happy hours and dinners, with drinks involved. One night, after a few too many drinks, Mr. Wonderful kisses you goodbye rather than his usual hug. And you like it. A lot. Suddenly, things just became a lot more complicated. You’ve crossed the line where friendship ends and affair begins.
You’re now faced with deciding what to do. What is Mr. Wonderful up to and how does he really feel about you? Does he really dig you? Or is he just trying to sleep with you? Do you really dig him or just the thrill this relationship gives you? Do you continue to see him? Sleep with him? End it with him and pretend it never happened? Tell your husband and promise to never see him again? Leave your husband and hope Mr. Wonderful really does dig you as much as you think you dig him?
If you continue to see him in secret and sleep with him, you’re now a cheater.
If you end it and pretend it never happened, you’ve still crossed the line between right and wrong and now have to live with the knowledge of your secret “friendship”. While, at the same time, dealing with getting over the feelings you developed for Mr. Wonderful.
If you decide to tell your husband and promise to never see him again, your husband is still going to be hurt, betrayed and untrusting, something you may never be able to repair. And then there’s still Mr. Wonderful to get over… And what if Mr. Wonderful actually did care about you? Then he may be a victim too.
If you leave your husband, you may realize Mr. Wonderful just isn’t that into you, after all, or you may realize you’ve made a huge mistake by leaving your husband, but by then it may be too late. And if you have kids, then it gets even more complicated.
You, my friend, have just opened a whole big can of worms. And no matter what you do at this point, there’s going to be repercussions. What’s the right answer? How do you choose? Do you follow your heart or follow your head? What if your heart or head is wrong? Either way, you’re screwed and somebody is going to get hurt.