love at old age

Romantic love has been described as ‘a human universal, or near universal’ and is associated with intense emotional experiences such as increased energy, euphoria, obsessive thinking about the loved one, feelings of dependency and craving. When people are ‘in love’ they may feel as if they have uncovered the meaning of life. People often report feeling complete and that their life feels whole. Bronte superbly captured the experience in Wuthering Heights: ‘‘I am Heathcliff - he's always, always in my mind - not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself - but, as my own being.” The arts continue to be consumed by efforts to describe and understand romantic love. The book by Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera, is but one example of a story illustrating the power of enduring love, where a couple fall in love in their youth, go their separate ways during midlife and return to one another’s arms in their old age.

From the perspective of psychological science, good quality relationships of all kinds, including quality romantic relationships, have a profound impact on physical health and psychological well-being. However, the quality of romantic relationships is important, and potentially fragile, and the questions have to be asked, What makes a romantic relationship last?, and How does love change across the lifespan?

Previous research by Tucker and Aaron (1993) suggests that marital satisfaction is typically reported as highest in new marriages, lowering during midlife and improving later in life. The peaks and troughs of relationship satisfaction map onto different life stages. For example, midlife is considered a particularly stressful period for couples due to commitments such as work, child care, financial stresses and caring for older relatives. However, older adulthood is not without its challenges, with older adults facing transitions such as retirement, an empty nest and potential declines in health status.

Recent research completed by one of my doctoral students, Kate Burke, aimed to identify and examine relations between elements of romantic relationship success as described by younger and older adults using a collective intelligence methodology. The results were fascinating. The top-five most highly rated elements of successful romantic relationships for the older adults were Honesty, Communication, Companionship, Respect, and Positive Attitude, whereas as the top-five most highly rated elements of romantic relationship success for younger adults were Love, Communication, Trust, Attraction and Compatibility.

Notably, honesty was the most fundamental element of relationship success in the collective intelligence structural model developed by the older adult group. Honesty was not identified as an element of relationship success by the younger adult group. Older adults defined Honesty as being ‘able to confide in one another in a truthful way’. Honesty is an interesting concept as it involves self disclosure and risks putting an individual in a vulnerable position, and yet the ability to disclose honestly in a mindful, trusting and sensitive fashion can facilitate a deeper level of intimacy in the relationship. Furthermore, research has suggested that self acceptance increases with age and that with age, people have a stronger sense of their true self and less of a discrepancy between ‘real’ and ‘ideal’ selves. It is possible that the older adult group in Kate’s study were able to draw on their broad experience and have come to recognise honesty as critical to the long-term success of romantic relationships. In contrast, younger participants valued Trust and Communication as fundamental drivers of relationship success. Younger adults defined trust as being ‘able to rely on and be supportive of one another’ and ‘to be faithful to one another’.

Is there any specific duration or age in life for successful and satisfying romance? Most people seem confused at this question. It is a common misconnect that romance is meant only to young adults or teenagers. Romance in old age is often considered a taboo. But in fact, age is no barrier for romance and old age is absolutely suitable for romantic relationships.

Though, physical activities find limitations and restrictions in old age, emotional health is as young and vital as any other human being. Romantic feelings need not be suppressed; on the other hand, expressed romance will add more vigor to face the troubles of old age. It is common that people withdraw themselves from romantic relationships in old age as a social necessity. But, psychologists say that old age romance helps people to lead a sound old age.
Romance is the emotional attachment between two people. It is not a fascination or an enthusiasm on the opposite sex. Romance is often disassociated with sexuality. Though, sex can be part of a romantic relationship, sexual activities are not essential elements in romance and romantic relationships. Old age romance can be between married couple or single people. Sexuality is not restricted to old age, if the physique allows it.

Young & old age romance

Old age romance differs largely from teenage romance in the level of maturity incorporated. Though, as cute and alive as teenage romance, old age romance is more calm and mature. They don't seek romance to fulfill the sexual needs or other bodily pleasures. Most often an old age romance is sharing, caring and expressing the feelings in the peculiar way meeting, talking or exchanging gifts. Rarely old age people indulge in romance just for sexual pleasure. Being people who have seen life to the maximum depth, their relationships will also explore the same emotional depth and maturity.
Interestingly, older adults also selected Religion as one of the key elements of successful romantic relationships. They believed that sharing religious beliefs and attending church together provided a foundation for a successful relationship. This element was not identified as important by the younger adult group. Notably, there have been significant changes in recent years in levels of institutionalised religious practice in the largely Catholic Irish population. Weekly mass attendance declined to 50% in 2003 from 90% in the 1970’s. This may account for this significant difference between older and younger groups.

Socialising was also highlighted as an important factor by the older adults. During the group session, older adults highlighted that socialising encapsulated going out as a couple but also individually. During later life, ones social network may reduce in size but within this context older adults often enjoy increased frequency of socialising with friends and neighbours, and this pattern of increased socialising may facilitate romantic relationships as it stimulates intimacy and communication amongst older lovers.

Younger adults emphasised the importance of Attraction and Compatibility whereas older adults emphasised Socialising, Trust and Respect. These findings fit well with what we know about the development of romantic relationships. In Western societies, feelings of passion and desire associated with the early stages of a relationship often evolve and transform into feelings of compassionate, committed, and friendship-based love in later life. Older adults may thus drop elements such as attraction from their representations of romantic relationship success as they develop a more mature understanding of relationship success over time.

Benefits of old age romance

Studies prove that an old age romance helps in staying away from many possible health issues. Old age diseases are caused mainly by the lazy lifestyle and lessened physical activities. Romance will rejuvenate the mind with fascinating ideas and fresh thoughts. A new enthusiasm is provided to the physical body. The health benefits arise because of the mental freshness one feels while on a romantic relationship. Old age romance also inhibits the feelings of unwanted. At later years in life people always look for somebody to be with them in all their needs, romance offers a solution of loving partner in old age. Simple but magical tips

Benefits of old age romance

Studies prove that an old age romance helps in staying away from many possible health issues. Old age diseases are caused mainly by the lazy lifestyle and lessened physical activities. Romance will rejuvenate the mind with fascinating ideas and fresh thoughts. A new enthusiasm is provided to the physical body. The health benefits arise because of the mental freshness one feels while on a romantic relationship. Old age romance also inhibits the feelings of unwanted. At later years in life people always look for somebody to be with them in all their needs, romance offers a solution of loving partner in old age. Simple but magical tips