Marriage part 1: Understanding Your Mate and Sustaining Your Marriage

Juliet could not withstand the charms of Frank, as he always notices her, soon they bump into each other, they got talking for a week, and then a month, they fell in love, it was magical, before long they exchanged tongues in each other's eyes, and yes they landed behind the scenes in dark places, they were alone, but still I could hear Juliet screaming in esctacy for more, they felt even more magical and out of this world. It was such a huge feeling they had never felt for each other.
Few days later, I could barely sight the love birds together, I thought they evisage love always, oh every where seems cloudy, and thin wire of connection is damaged beyond repair.

Uju had dated Obinna for 6years, they had they moments, anytime they passed by I wished for a tip of their love. I have never seen such a love so true, so binder, so realistic, and Infact anyone wants to become them, they forget that different shoes fits not for everyone.
I still could remember how even the birds, the sun, and threes blew,flew and shine on the news of UJu's proposal by Obinna. Even my wicked jealous heart felt joy that day. 4seasons has blessed them with two lovely kids, with high hopes dashed for a successful marriage, even my window has felt the pains severally either from Uju'shoes or Obina's different styles in plates flings out of anger. I taught this marriage was to be a bed of roses?

Journey with me as I take you with me to the world of Shane and Pattaya, they both were from different worlds yet today they go shopping in same places, how did the sun meet the moon?
Pattaya always had a tight schedule with the national news agency, on this day, Shane had brought his boss to a shopping mall for a meeting, where Pattaya was covering a story. I can't explain all the sweetness that comes with ice cream, however we decetn that it is sweet when it meets the mouth.
After that meeting that day with Pattaya and Shane, they never relented until they said "I do"
It did not even take as much time as a year. Its been 6years today with 3kids, yet I am yet to hear or see any crying bird, or even a dead rose between these two.
Their happiness begets me, everytine I remember UJU and Obinna, not get into marriage, or Juliet and Frank to run from a relationship, I remember pattaya and Shane always, and yes, I will feel anew, ready to walk her down the aisle.

The question is: what's your analysis what happened between these two?
What ingredients where missing?
Which ones where available?
What went wrong?
Why did their marriages last or did not last?
What did I learn from them?
Am I any better?
How will I make my mate walk with me all through life?

As birds in the skies varies, affected by seasons, changes climates and homes, has various adaptations, and yet eat, grow old and die. So do we humans on the ground. The most important fact is "they are all birds" so it is with us "we are all humans" no matter our culture, religious affiliation, things we eat, if am wrong, show me a girl in the world that hasn't got a pussy, our a guy that roams without a dick, a human that does not enjoy procreation, one who was not created by God.
No matter your status in life we all share same similarities, yours might even be uglier, or finer than the other, it does not make you less human or more human, what makes us more human is the way we convey our thoughts and actions .
Hence whites are attracted to blacks, blacks even to reds, and yellows to white, weather we realise it or not, if you tear the outer skin colour(no matter the colour) you find a liquid red substance called blood in all humans.

We have a taste in the kind of people we want in our lives, we feel obligated to ourselves to get into the music and dance with the tight person through life, in this dance you dont get lucky twice, its once!
What though is the core thing that makes is us look at a person? ATTRACTION!

The Power of Attraction
You walk through the fields, oh see the lilies, you can't get your eyes of it, until you get closer and tries to touch it, and then it flies away , yet you wish you still got closer. You re attracted!
Driving through the city, you come accros, a home, its beauty its called "beauty personified" you can't help but wish to go in, but still you know you can't even get anywhere close, yet your late for work, after the close of work you head back home, but must drive through same road, even if there are so many roads that leads home. You ate attracted.
Attraction is do powerful, some are ungautded and because of it, they smashed and dashed eagles of flying. They take only to their own flight.

Needlessly, one of the most powerful atttaction I know is between humans, especially being attracted to a lady. If you think am lying get back to Noah's day and ask some angels.when she's got you in her charms, get a sun shade perhaps those charms may find it difficult to pass through.

Weather you know it or not, relationships starts from attraction!!!
Attraction is the only reason why you keep looking at that ass without remorse, with no eyes off.
Attraction is the reason why you think your inlove in the first day.
Attraction is the reason why you cant just can't help it.
Attraction makes you want to get to her at all means.
If you never conquer that attraction, you might forever remain in infatuation.

Again, it reminds me you should know that you must never be attracted to the wring thing.
If you get attracted to his wealth, her backside, her boobs, his handsome, etc, what happens when its not there. Its good to be attracted to those stuffs, but never make it a priority.
The first key way to understand your mate is to know why you are attracted to them

Sweetheart, if a guy claims he loves you, or he is attracted to you, ask him why?
Often, if the bird has no where to fly to or land, take off. Its a red flag. A man who is genuinely attracted to you would know why, some times they know, often than none, they want to hit the #G-Spot so they claim they don't. "I just can't comprehend why I love you so much" Its a red Flag!!!
You got to learn how to talk over his attraction with him, or how you both will have to deal with it. Its your choice to get the next plane or land in his arms.
But if you decide to then you have to consider courtship!!!

Courtship
When two people has become attracted to each other, the next option would be dating or courtship. From a human experience (you can also tell me your inhuman experience) courtship is supposed to prepare two people for a married life.
What most people dont know is that you must never marry someone you court or date
What then is the line between courting someone and dating them?
Just as you can never want to love someone you dont like, you must also date someone you court.
Jim has been in a relationship with Abigail for almost a year now, just about a week ago he ended it. She felt bad, but no matter the storm birds must fly.

Most people court someone without dating them they dont even know who they are and what they want.

In courtships they spend time preparing for wedding
Most times they even forget to date.
The difference is simple, you date to know each other, while you court to find out if you can be good mates together.
But we often miss the point while dating, we let our feelings and emotions get in the way, and boom!!! It has happened (the pendulum motion) friction becomes inevitable.

What is the appropriate age to start a relationship probably dating
You got to be kidding me if you hover around this write up looking for my answer.
Again!!! It is a personal decision. If you can fend for yourself, and still have the matured mind to deal with it. Just as same way getting married, you find a 26year old with a stable family than a 45year old. These things are in the mind. Your perceptive powers of reasoning.
I was listening to a radio program about 2weeks ago when a lady of about 28years old called in to complain of her courtship of 2years old that has been booked to walk down the aisle in couple of months.the guy in question(38years) is constantly insecure, calling to check up on her, if she does not pick due to a busy schedule takes his high horse to her office. She was already getting tired. She complained bitterly, then i found out that she had not done her home work. Her mum had clouded her sense of dating with courtship because she wanted her first daughter to get married.
So i tell you here today. If you must court do both, courting and dating.
I loose my cool when I see beautiful ladies cry to me with bruises telling how much they love their man and how much he loved them and yet he gave them lots of gifts with bruises.all I say say is simple.
Red flag
Everyday I wake up and look around me the world is filled with so many red flagged relationship. A kid who hardly knows left to right wants esctacy, the boy just want to go through that walking beauty, she feels she is the boss and know one can talk to her, he does not accept counsel, his decision is final. He loves all skirt and wants them rubbing his man.
So many red flags. But in all those, lies a single green, courtship and dating should help you well enough to know.
When he comes in front of you with the intent of this picture, you better make sure of it before you raise your head in partaking in such bitter honey.

Who is your mate
I had dated a lady before, I asked what do you want from life? I felt like crying when she said she wasn't sure. Needless to say, two ladies who font know what they want out of life. So before I ask you of some persons I would love to to throw a coin at you and see how well you pick it.

How well do you know yourself
If we tool a survey you will be surprised many dont know.

Its funny how people never spend time with themselves

Quite a number of us spend time with others, studing them, knowing their likes,dislikes, attitudes, and what have you. Some people dont even know what they can do and what they cant. Little wonder why you can convince someone of what he never did last year because he is not sure of who he is.

You be got to learn to spend so much time with yourself, learn about yourself, know your best meal, find out what you love, why you can never be attracted to some kind of ladies, why you want something so bad. Only then van you really understand the next person.only if you understand yourself first.

So the second key is to understand yourself first

Remember, I told you about the first key,to know why you're attracted to them first, but this can never happen with out understanding yourself firstly.

This will have to remind me of the temperament

The temperament is very important key to unlock who you're as a person.
Oh, sorry this lecture is taking too long, should I talk about the choleric, sanguine, melancholy, and phlegmatic?
Lessons for another day but let's just have a fast sip of each one.

Choleric people are simply strong willed go getters, they can climb any mountain to achieve what ever they want,very bossy and can drive you nuts.
They always know what they want and how to get it, they have a moving spirit. Yet, they can be very annoying especially if they fail.

The Sanguine are jolly happy guys, they live their lives for talking, and happiness, they hate details, and prefare to talk especially if they are frustrated or angry. They trust easily and easy to convince. Often times they are hardly organized. They can easily rally people roung and love anywhere there is happiness.

Melancholy guys are very secretive people, they however are highly talented, and very detailed people, this guys love to be perfectionist and hardly hate to fail. They want everything around them accurate.you must speak to the facts else excuse yourself. They are good at keeping secrets

The phlegmatic people are the worrybirds, they can worry about everything not right in the world and always wants to fix them. They are often cheated out. They are very passive and slow in making decisions because they can take a long time to think about the decision.

While you study about yourself also take time out to determine what character you fall into, you can also enhance your research on this field although I will see to it subsequently.

So take time out to find your value, talk to yourself discuss yourself understand yourself and only then can you start thinking of the next person. Only then can you really understand why you're attracted to that girl or boy.

Before the wedding
Sweetheart,take it easy, dont rush. The sex drive is high I know, keep it away. Zipup! You will be glad you did.that the sex be his surprise . if you bought a Coke and discovered it was popped how would you feel? Keep it unpopped, it does not matter if you're a virgin or not. The fact is even if you give him sex if he will not marry you he will never.

Don't make the mistake of preparing only for the wedding

Prepare for marriage, prepare to live through thin and thick. Prepare to have kid, and stay with him till you leave this world.
Yes prepare your body for the wedding but prepare your mind for marriage
If you will need to adjust your friends, job and anything that needs change do it. This goes for both sex.

Discuss what you want together, set your goals, know the mind of your spouse, know what they believe in, understand how they feel,who they want to hang out with, why they want to, what they love, what turns them on, their meals. The list is endless it never stops.

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After the wedding comes marriage
Keep it in mind, you probably thinks that life will remain the same? Oh, sorry, wake up to reality. Its a different ball game in marriage. The wedding is not so important, although people attach so much importance to this day.

Wedding is just a line you should cross to get married

The more important thing is the marriage. Often you find that who you weded was different from who you married. Some couples have had to restart dating again in their marriage. Funny as it mdy, you can ask around.
If you find yourself in those shoes I advice you wear it patiently,do more time together, put in efforts to make it work. How about one of the biggest issues of marriages?

Sex in marriages
Key number 3 is to know what your spouse wants. You have to understand what they want and how they want it.

The fourth key is to understand the sexual needs of your mate
Procreation is very important in marriage, you must know how to satisfy your man. You must know how to get her orgasm. Dont give her a missionary when she needs a head. Don't be shy. Talk to yourselves, ask yourself what kind of sex you will love to have. Ask yourself what kind of sex interest you, from the back? From? Deep penetrating, slow drive? Find out.

If you dont know what kind of sex your partner wants soon someone will find out

Dont let that happen, make sure you satisfy her all the way. Sexual needs has caused more havoc in homes than you can ever imagine.

Always stay inlove
When you have understood yourself, understood your partner, the next thing to do is to sustain your marriage.
When Jane was asked what has helped her and her husband for 23years here is her words "I never stop living my husband we love ourselves so much that everyday when we wake up we fall back in love"

So here is it:

Never fall out of love
Keep the love moving, never let the scales of love fall off your eyes. Keep loving, keep moving just never stop.

When children arrives
There will be adjustment, but never let it affect the affection going for two of you.most couples just make out the whole time for the kids that they getcaug up and forget the colour of love.
Always be the rainbow, and sunshine to each others life and grow the kids in the right way(topic for another day).

When she is the rose of your life
Yes she is, always remind yourself of when you first met. He sweet thing about humans is the power to produce result. Remember that action and reaction are equal and opposite.
Dear men if your life and marriage is in shambles dont forget that your wife is a reflection of how much love you show her

She is a reflection of how much love you show her
So treat her like yourself, cry with her, laugh with her, and she is your companion, your rose, Infact the only rose in the garden worthy of your love!

Dont also forget to play like kids, it binds the both of you stringer, reassures you both of love and makes your love resounding in your head.
Bad enough some couples dont have play time, apart from work and food make out a special time for playing alone, take time to text each other, call each other and always say I love you to each other it does a lot to tale both of you through the thick and thin.

When troubles arise
Become the pillar for each other dont run off alone discuss it with your friend, your brother or sister, your father or mother(partner) talk together. Pray together.

**Invite God **
When God is in a marriage problems will be few. The problem must come but when you pray you will feel better.

Marriage is made up of husband wife and God
Dont ever forget this. Put him in between and see how smooth and palectable your marriage will be.

Grow together
Cherish every moment you share together. Build a home not a house, grow a family not destruction, grow wealth and not money become friends with each other.
There is hardly any perfect marriage but impecfect people working hard to keep theirimpect love perfect! That will never happen. Hardly should it be your goal.
Your goal should be a happy marriage life.

I thank you for your time in reading this. You never can tell what any of your follower is going through in life. This could be all they need
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