Do you look for love in a partner? Or maybe something else?
O foolish youth!
Thou seek'st the greatness that will overwhelm thee.
Yes, I admit I just couldn't resist the idea of beginning this with a Shakespeare quote from one of my favorite plays. But really, I think it's a worthwhile statement to the issue at hand.
Well, sort of.
See, I was talking last night with my ex boyfriend and at one point, he told me that if he were to find love again and fall in love, yeah that would be great, but it's not love he looks for in a relationship. And frankly, I was appalled by the idea.
Really, I looked something like this:
And of course I asked him well, if you don't look for love and romance, what exactly would you be looking for?
And the answer was somewhere along the lines of you know, having someone to share things with, someone to just be there, a friend to talk to. Well basically, what I understood from all that was someone to ward off the loneliness and this seemed like such a horrible answer to me.
So, I kept pressing 'but if you're not happy, then why stay with that person'?
'Well, you can be happy as a human, you know, with your life. There are many places where you can find happiness, you don't need someone else.'
And I agree with that, wholeheartedly. But if the time you do spend with your partner is not making you happy or giving you emotional satisfaction (as opposed to sexual satisfaction), then why be with them at all?
And then he said something that struck me as particularly...odd, interesting, I don't know.
He said that he'd rather care about stability and an inner feeling of zen, of being undisturbed by anything and that love simply goes against that. You can't maintain a state of zen when you're in love.
Well of course not, that's the point. You have to live, because that's the point of life, you should strive to feel, to love, to experience passion. I can't think of something greater than to love and be loved.
Really, thinking about it, I want someone to feel that about me, you know to choose me. Even more, I want to actively choose someone. To love someone because they're them. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone just so that I'm not alone. It's great having a friend, someone who listens to you and someone you can share your happiness with. And that should be a key part in a relationship, but it shouldn't be the only thing in the relationship, I think.
It seemed like an awful prospect, that I might end up in a relationship with someone because they're comfortable, because they're just...you know, someone at home. Or rather, anyone at home?
Because really, if I just want someone to fill the emptiness, I can just get a dog. Seems sad...to think that way.
But then, I got to thinking, what if I end up like that? He's somewhat older than me and I wondered...what if that's what happens to everybody, as they go through life? Maybe you start out with this idealistic view of the world that you'll meet someone who gets you and you get him and you love every maddening aspect of his being and then you age, and are repeatedly disappointed and hurt by partners, until you no longer believe that. Is that what happens?
Because really, all I got to counter this sad view of the world is a notion, a dream, ideals, not actual facts. So, is that true?
Is love really not that important in a relationship?
Do you look for a partner whom you could love and choose and who would choose and love you back? Or do you just look for comfort, for someone to be there so that you're not alone?
...which is really why I'm writing this. In my time here, I've encountered a few married people who seem quite happy in their relationships. And from the way they talk about their spouses, it doesn't seem to me that that person could be anything. On the contrary, a lot of people seem to lean towards the picture above. That they're choosing that person because of who he/she is. It's an active choice. And that they're happy. Or at least, so it seems.
So, I put this to you, good people of Steemit:
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I'm definitely still looking for that special 'something', that 'someone'. There's got to be more to a relationship than just basic compatibility, something more essential which two people share, and mirror in one another. Then again, I'm in my twenties, and known for bouts of hopeless romanticism.
My father, in his sixties, is in that stage where 'love' is more or less an afterthought. He and his girlfriend are more like 'life partners', and they've said as much out loud. For them companionship is the beginning and the end of it.
Will we end up like them? Who knows, nothing is certain. I still believe it's possible for everyone - at least for now...
God, I hope not. I really believe in the saying 'just because you fit doesn't mean you belong', you know? 'Cause you might fit in a lot of lives, with a lot of different people, but that's not a reason to stay with someone. I think.
Exactly, but then again, we're young, what do we know? It could be that they're right and we're oh so wrong. what a terrifying prospect.