Let's Play a Love Game: gauge your neediness

Anybody remember Gaga? Yes, of course. She was an icon. (Thanks, that was a rhetorical question, reader).

A little intro: I am a college student, just trying to find love and success, like every other delusionally self-actualized middle-class young adult out there. My handle is "greencollarkid," not because of my sopping enthusiasm for environmental consciousness , but because green is my favorite color. I'll leave the rest of my identity gently tucked in; I'm guessing it'll unfold as I get sucked into steeming.

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So: when's the last time you got this feeling: you really really want to text this guy who snatched your breath after one Tinder date but are afraid of coming off clingy. (Let's be honest, this was love at first swipe). A few snapchats go by, followed by a couple of sparsely communicative days, followed by a lull.

LET THE LOVE GAME BEGIN. May the odds be ever in the favor of your perverse incentives.

Let me just say, for those of you out there who believe love isn't a game and you should do what you want, stop reading now. We all WANT things. But sometimes if you don't play the game, you lose. Actually, I guess you don't win or lose since you never played in the first place, so... you lose by default.

Game 1: The texting game. This is usually the first game you play after meeting someone new.

Judging criteria:

1. Who texts first each day?
2. How long does it take for each to text back?
3. How's the text ratio?

These are by far the most critical metrics that you can use to judge someone's feelings for you. So what do YOU want to see?

1. Who texts first each day?

Obviously, the other person needs to text first. If you see yourself rattling off texts to them at hurricane force, STOP. Check yourself. And wait for a new day, a new dawn, and a new text from them FIRST. If you're alternating first texts like some chess game, you're set. Congrats!

If you're already in too deep, meet their next text with a good period of silence, and that should slant the playing field a little more back towards you.

1. How long does it take for each to text back?

Anything over 2 hours means they probably aren't that interested. That IS, unless you send a text, see their text bubble go up, and THEN get a text 2 hours later. That means they've been thinking about you for 120 whole minutes, restraining themselves. You're set. This goes for you, too. If you see their text and accidentally bring up your keyboard, they've likely seen it.

Respond with something casual, like "K." or "That's cool." or "[OMG your snap.] (new text) [Wait that was for someone else, sorry]".

Other than that, I'd say you wanna double their average response rate to determine your own. Then you should be set.

1. How's the text ratio?

Here I'm talking about quantity. When you scroll up through your iMessage with them, do you see a sea of blue bubbles or not? Yes? STOP IT. This text: "LOLOLOL I love that video. Literally dying. (laugh cry emoji * 4) Reminds me of a time I tried to do a backflip off of a table" --- could have been --- "Lol." Just reduce that ratio.

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Let's just leave it at that for now. Being diligent of these three things should help you start the game with a little bit of an advantage. I'll be delving more into the strategies of this love game in the future, but more than anything I want to hear YOUR strategies and rules.

Remember, all's fair in love and war.

-GCK