10 Tips on How I Keep a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

 Long  Distance Relationship. Ughhh. Every single time I mentioned to someone  that I am in a long distance relationship, I get one of two responses.  

1. How did you do it?
2. I did it before, it was tough and didn’t work.

I’m surprised that a lot of people are curious on how we made it work or actually have been in one before. I guess in the 21st century that we’re living in, LDRs are a lot more common than we think.

One might argue – why would you want to go through such torture? I  completely understand that this is definitely a last resort. Sometimes  due to obligations or financial situations, one has no choice but to  face this challenge head on. The great thing is that if your  relationship lasts through this hardship – you can very well be certain  that you both will be able to face any kinds of problems in the future. That said – let me list down tips on how to keep a long distance relationship. 

Understand that it is not for everyone

As with any kind of relationship, it has to be agreed upon on both  sides. If one is unwilling to go through LDR, you can be sure that it  will fail. What does this mean for both of you then? Basically it just  says that your partner is someone you are willing to wait however long  for and there’s no one else better than him/her. If this is the case for  your relationship, there is a chance for success.  

Flirt a lot

Act like you’re still dating (even if you’re married), because you  are. Flirt all the time, and often. Tell your partner how much you miss  him/her. Send naughty pictures if you’re daring enough. Love poems,  essays, whatever it is as a reminder that s/he is never forgotten even  away. It’s the chase – on expert mode!  

Watch movies or TV series with each other

With my partner, there are a few TV series that I watch with no one  else but my partner. Supernatural, House of Cards. Netflix is heaven  sent for LDR. As we are both introverts, we save the best – Game of  Thrones – for the next time we meet again. It is a great sacrifice not  knowing what happens in that series months after all the episodes are  released!  

Play games

I can’t state how important gaming is to the relationship. It’s weird  but it is soothing for me to see that my virtual self is in the same  room as my partner. For some reason, it means a lot – that we can be in  one place across oceans. Playing games is also a thing that you both do for fun and to spend some time together regardless of the time, so we take this seriously. Besides, there are many games out there that can be great for LDR,  who knows maybe it’s your thing! It also saves a whole lot of money in  the weekend, especially if the main reason LDR happened is due to your  financial situation.  

Over-communicate. Also, tell the truth, no matter what

Someone flirted at you – tell. You feel lonely – tell. Anything at  all – TELL. LDR requires a whole lot of trust. Well, all relationships  do, but there’s something about being away. When you talk on the phone,  you can’t see body language. You can’t hug your partner to make it all  better. You wouldn’t even know what happened that morning which made  your partner frustrated or angry. So it’s always best to  over-communicate and always tell the truth. No secrets. It’s liberating! 

When visiting each other, make great memories

I made it a thing to do something novel or fun whenever I meet my  partner. As the time spent is short, we do whatever it is that made  great memories. It does not have to be expensive either, sometimes a  short road trip or a hike is all it takes. I find that going to places  you both have never been to before or a new activity helps with  remembering the time together.  

Make your next plan to meet preferably before your time together ends

The low point of doom and gloom always strikes me when I have no idea  when I’m going to see my partner again. We figured out the best way to  resolve this feeling is to make the next plan to meet or even buy  tickets before the time spent together ends. With this, there’s always a  feeling of certainty that you will see your partner soon. Always, soon.  

Send care packages

If you’re in a country where postal costs are cheap, take full  advantage of that! I’m not talking about just postcards, but full on  care packages. Things that are appreciated most usually not bought items  but things one already owns. A package of a cup, worn shirts (yes scent  helps me sleep at night), old drawings of his/her as a kid, cute photos  together. I think that being surrounded by your partners’ paraphernalia  is a constant reminder that this person you love exists in your life –  and you’ll be together again in due time.  

Instead of talking about people or events, talk about ideas

Do you have the “How’s your day?” – “The usual.” problem? When you’re  not sharing the same friends/people around you or go to the same  events, it may get tiring to repeat and share again what happens to your  partner. I find that talking about ideas can keep the conversation  going for hours. Sometimes, it’s organic chemistry, imaginary numbers – other times  it’s why Madoka Magica is probably Jesus. Hehe, we have very weird  conversations. There’s a win-win situation talking about ideas. If you  both have similar point of view – it’s great to talk about topics you  like. If you’re vastly different from your partner, sharing your point  of view or educating them on something they have relatively no knowledge  about definitely can bond you both closer together.  

Have a deadline or end goal

I cannot stress how important this is. Give a date that you both can  agree upon. And after that, one of you will have move to the other to  end the long distance relationship. As I said from the start, LDR is not  for everyone but there’s no point keeping a relationship whereby you  live apart your whole lives. Humans are very social creatures and  there’s no way a digital avatar can replace a real partner sleeping  beside you every night.  In the time of writing this, we are on the way to our 5th year of LDR. Yes, it won’t be the case in probably a year’s time.
I wish you all the best with your LDR. May your love not only survive but thrive through this hardship!      

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