I'm not a crazy person..

Green it makes leaves guava that waved me feel refreshing. wind blowing amongst section section hair sebahuku feels dumb. I just can feel the grass stroking soft my feet but not hear rustling tunable friction between them, smile and development. foolishly me why I can forget about the fact that actually I deaf? laughter echoed "eh see friends, there are crazy Hahahaha, crazy, crazy people .." I scratching hair gimbalku, realized. it turns out in front of me many small children point-nunjukku with laughter width of those who think quiet. my feet rise stated that I don't receive. how they can happy without take me anyway? kukejar them and make the pledge if they are already in my hand then I would not hesitate to menjitak their heads although to death though. "run ... the crazy raging !!" a while they already lost whether where. no I thought run them with lightning speed or lariku are too slow, Ah forget! lariku stopped a moment, nafasku tersegal Segal almost died me. my eyes stared this area in the hope they can I find although only one. and it turned out 3 meters from me I found a little girl fell holding her knees bloody looked at me with eyes tear tears, I approached him. "sore?" I asked the hope he can understand what I say though I No. his face fear, tears and ingusnya flooded the face of her. kusobek sleeve shirts that I wear and use it to dampen the flooding. unconsciously, I suddenly bounce off with a pain in the head of my right that terhantam something. "go there! do not approach this child! or not you will feel the second time blow my hand in the head of your left!" an aunt-aunt standing in front of me tub monster with the face of the Red while dragging the hands of the little girl and passed.  myself again with sunyiku. his coax head that pulsed I stepped back down trees guava where was I sat down and ponder the fate of my past dismal especially my future later !. father mother divorced when I was a class 1 junior high school nothing budge to cared for, they say I already a mad because stessku the stacked and blaming that one of them made me like this. i've been Fed up with a fight them! until one day no I thought God grant request, no longer wish to hear the fight them. and this is me with my fate. I hit guava trees that is in front of me and the occasional kicking it. I wriggle screaming in the loneliness, tangisanku melting in the heart. for what I live! Sun hiding behind the clouds a Gray make today a dismal. Sky rumbled start crying, tree dancing is not known with the wind, and cold air piercing sum-sum bone complete everything. Windows home start closed, door locked, and light from the inside that may feel warm made me envy. although I shivering my eyes feel the heat, I no longer be able to distinguish which his name tears and where named drops rain water. I hugging my knees and try closed his eyes. they never know someone here need a hug warm. slowly my eyes open, sunlight try wake with break through the gap leaves wet in me. and new realized for 4 today I slept sitting under the roof guava trees with the lining of land slum, maybe more precisely overslept. usually I never cared whatever happened to me, but this time I really not comfortable with clothes wet I wear. I snorting slowly, head feel dizzy. sempoyangan I tried to stand beat tingling in feet. bone persendianku feels stiff, maybe if my ears still normal I can hear gemeletuk hard among them when I walked. I stepped, down the aisle narrow and intermittent stop by to trash where if I mengoreknya sometimes I found chunk of Rice or piece snack in wrap food small plastic that may be able to menggajal sense laparku. I shivering slowly while ongoing and occasional scratching my hair that itch not play. i've used on the number of people passing met with me close their noses meetings or across the fence mothers arisan the whisper with the expression of disgust their time to see. do not care about! I thought. However I don't know why without realized my tears dripping by itself. footsteps stalled in front of guava trees, damn! head more feel dizzy. i've been repeatedly experiencing this case, starting in guava trees and end up in a tree guava anyway. what the hell hard to walk in the village of this small?!. pull nafasku droop, resignation. Moreover, I can do in addition to sit back in the musings under the tree guava ?.

The cold of the air after the rain mixed with the heat of the sun made me stop wiping my ragged snot. The eyes of my desk looked at each house that lined up in front of me. to be honest I was bored with this place. The guava trees, the grass swaying at the feet, the sunlight that wakes me up, the rain that makes me sad and everything around me makes me sick! Once again I was thinking, what the purpose of God created me? If I am useless here on earth why did He not take my life alone? I screamed as loudly as I could. no matter what people's looks suddenly leads to me. My throat was hoarse from the rain I had drunk in the narrow alley.

"Crazy ... crazy man .." they came to me again, little boys with rocks thrown in garbage smile sarcastically at me. I have repeatedly tried to interpret what they say but what power is I, the stupid, deaf girl left behind by her parents and has no purpose in life.
"Crazy .., crazy man .." my eyes are dewy, I rebelled did not accept what god destined to me.
"Crazy ..., crazy person ..." my tears melted, I screamed uneasily trying to reach those close to me.
"Whaaaaaaaaa !! "I do not care for my tears to spill, because I just want God to let me hear what's around me even though that's the thing I can do for the last time. Suddenly, my eyes fixed on a little girl in the middle of the road who might not know that 10 meters away from her a truck drove away did not see the little girl in front of her.
Suddenly I run, live 5 meters.
"Kyaaaaaa !!!"
I saw the girl shriek silently because I did not hear it. Just 2 meters away the new truck driver realized. I pushed the tiny body to the side of the road where I could see her crying although it made me relieved that I had replaced her.
BRAK !!!

I can no longer move my body.
"Kakaaaakkk !!!" I blinked slowly, everything feels like a slow motion scene for me. However, I vaguely heard the sound of a screaming girl crying toward me.
"Kakaaaakkk !!"
Is this the purpose of my life?
"Call a quick ambulance!" Father anxiously standing beside my left cheering every kid under a pink tree with their faces suddenly changing tense. The little girl beside my right was crying with her bruised eyes, and that's when I remembered that this girl was a little girl who fell off when I chased yesterday.

A second later this place was crowded with people trying to lift my body. Yes! I heard everything! I smiled grateful to God for having granted my prayer, my eyes slowly frosted, I felt lightly floating in the air and saw my own body put in a white car. I did not expect God to grant the screams of my heart saying that

I also want to die.