NARCISSISM, A MAJOR CAUSE OF RELATIONSHIP ABUSE

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I still can’t seem to understand why you would hurt the person you claim to love. There is so much abuse going on in our relationship in this generation, it is not just the physical abuse but also the emotional abuse.
When I read about these abuse stories, one question that keeps popping up in my head is, why do they allow themselves to be treated in such ways? One thing I have noticed is, the abuse just doesn’t start at once.

During courtship, there are signs we tend to ignore which end up being a big problem in the future. Don’t fall in love, be in love and make sure you make use of your brain while at it. There is this common saying that love is blind but in the actual fact it isn’t, if you refuse to accept that love isn’t blind don’t worry marriage would open it.
I am sorry if I sound a little harsh but the truth must be told. This issue of abuse is fast becoming a threat to the family life and also the society at large

When the issue of abuse is brought up, our mind quickly goes to the female gender but in the real sense even men are abused too. It could be physical or emotional abuse, no one wants to go through it because it is a silent killer because most of its victims can’t speak up, their self- esteem is gone.

Before you go into a relationship, make sure you are healthy(mentally & emotionally) because we all feel there is this missing part of us that only a relationship can fill up. We enter into a relationship with unrealistic expectations and end up getting disappointed.

Today, I would like to talk about narcissism because it is one of the major cause of an abusive relationship.

Narcissism is an ordinate focus on oneself, and the egoistic admiration of one’s own attributes

Here are some characteristics of a narcissist

1. They have pervasive pattern of behaviour
2. They have unreasonable expectation
3. Inter-personally exploitative
4. They exaggerate their achievements
5. They have a sense of entitlement
6. They believe they are special and unique, and should only relate with those who they view to be so
7. They are quick to anger and prone to irritation
8. Difficulty maintaining healthy relationship
9. Whatever they want must be “the best”

When you meet a narcissist and enter into a relationship with them, the following is most likely to occur

1. At the beginning of the relationship, they “love” you intensely. They are all over you and shower you with scary love
2. They try to separate you from all other relationship so as to get all the attention to themselves
3. They isolate you. In this stage, you have no one to talk to or relate with so it is easy for them to get to you and break
   you
4. They twist the truth until you start questioning yourself of the real truth
5. They discard you, treat you miserably and must get whatever they demand from you
6. When you try to stand up to them or leave them, they try to hover you back. They claim to be sorry and shower you with love again but watch out because they only want to get their revenge for daring to stand up to them

Narcissists seek the kind, god-fearing, modest kind of people. They love the fuel they can get from them but they don’t love “them”

Next time, I will talk about
-how possible it is to get out from such relationship
-can narcissists change for good?