30 YEARS OLD AND NO REAL ROMANTIC EXPERIENCE WITH A WOMAN (DENOX'S STORY) PART 1
Hello everyone, how are you all doing? This is a topic I wanted to share to you all seeing that most people I met with here on steemit are open minded and not so judgemental on what I am about to say. Let me warn you that this is perhaps the LONGEST blog post that I ever wrote. If you actually find the time to read the whole thing... I will greatly appreciate the help... at this point I have stopped looking for a relationship with a girl because everytime I fall in love with one... I feel hurt inside always one way or another... this is not a very positive post like all the other ones so if you still want to read my sad story.... and curious on what happen, I will appreciate it, if you cannot read it all, I understand. More helpful posts like this will come in the next couple of days.
I am not writing this post not so you can have pity on me but so you can know my back story about my romance experiences.... which is almost non-existent, why I have yet to find the female companion in my life that is right for me and good advice for me that is not the obvious "You do not have confidence" OR "There is something wrong with you and you must improve yourself".
I want you to read this whole post so you know where I am coming from before you judge. During my entire life, I have encounter many kinds of girls out there... I am going to list exactly what I am looking in a girl and then I will list the traits in a girl I have encountered that prevented me from finding the one I am looking for, even at age 30.
The fact is that I NEVER had an actual girlfriend in my entire life, or a real relationship. Unless you want to count a girlfriend I had 3 hours away from me on the other side of the island of Puerto Rico. I lived in the far NorthWest and she in the Mideastern part of the island. It only lasted a week and I do not want to go so deep in why it did not work at this time. But here is the distance between me and here marked in red so you have an idea:
Here are some of the list of things I am looking for in a future potential female partner and I will make a commentary in bold of the exact opposite I get from girls:
1.) She has to be honest and down to earth. We need to be honest to each other and correct each other's mistake in a mature way so the communication between us both will be healthy.
(A lot of girls that I have met during my life tends to not be honest and keep their deepest feelings to themselves and wants you to figure out everything. You make a mistake, she dumps you and you do not know why. I HATE THAT because its like she is watching your every moves. Instead of dumping me whenever I make a mistake, she should point out my mistakes and help me to improve.)
2.) Open minded that is willing to try new things . I like a woman who is open to new ideas and encourages me to try new things as well because sometimes having someone you love that wants you to do something she/he thinks will benefit you will motivate me even more to do so. Although in reality, you need to motivate yourself to try new things first because otherwise your happiness and motivation depends on a person which is also not good but its the feeling that adds to your motivation that I want to refer to.
(Many girls I met in real life are not that motivated to try something that you are into or viceversa and if they do, they may just do it to make you happy but they are not really into it themselves.)
3.) I want a woman to make equal effort to contact me and invite me to go out like I would do with her as well. If I notice that I am not the only one making all the effort in our relationship and she wants to do her part as well that shows that she is interest, I love that from her because it makes me notice that she is geniunely interested in moving our relationship forward.
(Trust me... I met a lot of girls in my life that acts like they are interested in going out with me but then a few days later, tells me they lost interest out of the blue. A lot of girls I dealt with usually cancels the plans of us going out at the last moment or they leave me hanging with no clue with what's going on. When that happens, I worry a lot, go to depression because I have no idea what's going on... then when I start complaining about that to her, many times she would label me as desperate and needy.... messed up.... isn't it natural to be worried if I know nothing and being left hanging?)
4.) Would be nice if she has some similiar interests to what I like. Although it does not have to be all of it because we are all different and having a couple other things not in common may expand our interest to try to help each other understand why they like it. I mean if I find a girl into Nintendo, Gaming, anime, a YouTuber and loves writing stories/drawing, that would almost be like my dream girl if she also has the traits that I mentioned above.
(I do meet a lot of young girls near my age into gaming and anime, but sadly the mayority of the ones I liked all have a boyfriend and some are not honest with me, like I mentioned above, does not seem interested, thinks I am a creep or always says they are too busy to hang out with me. :'( )
Here are some of the mistakes I believe I made that I regret now that caused the relationship or potential girlfriend I could have had to never happen:
1.) At least 2 or 3 girls I had been friends with in the past, I got along with them well for the next couple of weeks and she actually wanted to hang out with me and go out. It was a huge opportunity for me to build a possible relationship with them.
The moment I start introducing a girl to a group of my guy friends that were single too, a couple of them started hitting on them after a while. At those times, I was a very nice but naive person that I want all my new friends to meet all my current friends so they can meet new friends.
Suddenly she is hanging out with my friend and talking to them more than me even thought I was the reason she knew him in the first place. I admit I became jealous and after a while, they suddenly start talking to me less and less... I felt like I had competition and could not hang out with her alone anymore like I did prior to introducing them.
2.) Sometimes I do realize that I was being too available for a girl and for some odd reason, girls does not find that attractive... I do not understand fully why many girls like a man that is too busy except if she sees that I am not always focused on her but on my goals in life too. Then that would make sense.
3.) I started giving Valentines Gift to this one girl I liked in college and felt it was a bit too early or not the best time because she never showed interest back and she never did the same for me... after a while, I felt it was a waste...
4.) Not sure if this is completely my fault but I do tend show early signs that I am interested in a girl and confessed to her too early... sadly one of the girls I confessed to... she told me that we are very different people... she put me in the friends zone... after I felt depressed... she stopped talking to me.
5.) I met a girl who cosplayed as a female kirby that I photoshoot back in 2014. I found out later that she is my neighbor and since I never had a nice looking girl living near my house, I was hyped... and I told her a day later that it would be nice if we can meet up some time to get to know each other better. She was very uncomfortable and told me not to pressure her... so I left her alone for about a week or so. Then she came to ask me to teach her a lil photoshop, so we did that and I actually met her in Wendys nearby and then took her home with me so I can teach her. All was going very well in our friendship and she even started giving me presents out of nowhere every time she came to my house. And one of my dreams would have came true that time when she seem to agree to be my partner in photography where we would get paid equally to sell prints of her photos to my fans online.
After a while, she suddenly started working 2 part time jobs in her university she went to at the time. And told me she will not be able to be my partner in photography because she will be very busy with college and 2 part time jobs... I was devastated cause once again, a girl suddenly decided to flake on me and I was depressed cause it was something I was looking forward to with her and could have started a side business with her.
I think she was just saying that to help me out but not really to her benefit. I remember she said to me a week before that time that she sees me as a brother. I was happy at first to hear that cause it means that I am special to her but it also means that she put me in the friend zone... I was in love with this girl and I think that she could have at least found some time to photoshoot with me during the weekend for an hour but she made it seem that she will be busy 24/7 and that's what I hate about society... they put people to be busy always to divide us all....
Sorry if what I said in this post is sort of pathetic, desperate and needy. I have not even finished my story on my relationship failures so I will leave it there for now and continue maybe in a week if there is enough people that wants to know more about it. Not sure if anyone reading this has been through similiar experiences and why I always have bad luck finding a girlfriend.... thats why I slowly stop caring if I have one or not and focus on improving my life....
Let me know your thoughts on this. Any inteligent advice, tips or even if you know a lady that may be compatible with me, you may introduce her to me? If not, its cool. I will post more relevant topics to help the steemit community more starting between Thursday and Friday and more crypto news. But give it an upvote if you find this interesting and resteem it to see if you know someone else that can relate.
Question: Is it stupid to be talking about my relationship issues online? Or not? Cause every time I talk about this... they see it as needy and desperate, that I should move on and forget about it.... I write here to see if people here has a more intelligent approach to this experience. I write these things to be my genuine self with people and not only post the positives in my life but negative too to help relate with other people with similar issues.
Until next blog post ppl, take care, God Bless and stay cool! :)
Thank you so much for opening up and expressing how you feel, it takes a lot of guts to do that.
If i may, let me express my opinion on why i believe people are in toxic relationships or can't find someone who truly loves them or anyone into their life.
I TRULY believe that if you do not love YOURSELF first unconditionally and know who you really are and work on loving yourself and figuring out your passions and bettering yourself you will attract a type of person into your life that isn't good for you. I think most people look for a partner to fill the void they are missing in themselves, which is the worst thing you can do because you will consistently rely on that person and be needy for their attention; but when you fill YOUR cup up and love yourself with or without a partner you attract a person into your life that has their cup full as well.
From everything you have wrote, i think:
Life is about experiences and happiness with or without someone. Be happy with YOU, you're amazing and deserve only the best.
Thanks a lot for the analysis on this situation, Katrina. To be honest that's what I have been working on the most these days. Loving myself and being my genuine self. Figuring out my true passions and have a great life doing what I love. I feel at this point I need to travel outside the small island of Puerto Rico more often in order to discover new opportunities for myself in life and what will happen. Cause I feel limited here in this island and not helping me grow as a person cause I am not surrounded by much people like you who analyzes life in a mature matter. I do like living in PR, I just do not like the fact that I am limited to the people I can meet here since most of society is close minded and its not a topic I share with most people in my life nowadays because when I did in the past, I was heavily criticized and told me I have to be more confident, its my fault and stop complaining about it... its harsh... and no one seems to truly want to help me. But I know now I must help myself first of course.
First thing I can say, you did the right thing of letting it all out and sharing with us on Steemit. On the platform and on Discord you can really get interesting advice from time to time! I applaud you for your courage, that is already a big step. As for your relationship matter, my boyfriend was in a similar situation before he met me. I think it's good that you know what you want, but also think about what you want to give and what you are willing to commit to. Meditate and visualise the person you'ld like to encounter and have a loving relationship with. Push yourself into situations where you can encounter possible matches. If you like gaming and would like to share that passion, maybe check out gaming fairs or conferences to meet girls. Good luck and don't give up! Keep faith
Thank you a lot for your comment and advice, Jessica. Thats another thing, I actually go to a lot of gaming and anime convention. Have 2 big ones coming in May that we will see what happens but in gaming, there are very few women who goes and if I do encounter them, almost all of them has boyfriends or are not looking at all... I even tried Tinder for a lil while. Found one but we were very far from each other and after the hurricane, it made it a lot more difficult for us to meet. She cannot drive at night so it sucks :( Its been a struggle but I do not ever want to give up... I just wish I knew where more single women hangs out that are between 20-35 or close to my age.... :( But I appreciate your advice.
Hey @denoxblogger thank you for sharing this and being open. It does take some courage to do that and I applaud you.
Myself ?? I was a very late bloomer. Didn't kiss a girl until I was nearly 24 years old. Then from ages of 25 to 37 I turned into a social butterfly and was with a whole lot of women.
But I was never really serious with any of them until I met my now wife when I was nearly 38 yrs. old.
I thought I would never meet this kind of woman who I wanted to marry.
But I did. And I was 39 when we actually got married.
You are only 30 so you still have a while. Keep yourself in the game and I'm sure sooner or later it will happen. Probably when you least expect it.
That's when it usually happens :)
I sometimes feel old at 30 but you are right... its still a young age man and whats shameful is that at 30... I am still with no real relationship experience because of some of my mistakes and not given much opportunities at all to meet her yet...
I remember watching an old video of yours a bit back on this subject a bit. And if you ask me? no I do not think you are needy or desprate for writing this is a shame in other places many think that but you are just keeping things real and being true to yourself this is your experiences your story, and I look forward to reading part 2. And I agree on the last part there about the way society is set up people become lost in so much stuff busy and in the process slowly drift apart and relationships be it friendship etc. start to break as the other person become more distant. it really sucks you lost whom seemed like the right one in that process ah and kirby cosplay sounds really cool! I have never seen one before!
and about the valentine
s gift part ah boy do I feel your pain there..I am guilty of exact same mistakes nearly all the time ah giving gifts..seems is not that way to go either and confessing feelings too soon but when is one supposed to know when is too soon to confess or too late? Ive been in spots at times where gained feelings for someone fast and is very hard after awhile to hold back telling your feelings and the longer held back they begin tearing at you from the inside in a bad way.sadly I cannot really lend much advice on this myself we are both in same boat with this and the 1 relationship I did have dunno if you remember it from way back in 2016 that one relationship I actually got I still say it was sheer luck on my end because absolutely no one likes me least that is how I feel and what everyone gives off the feeling of.
You and me are a lot a like bro. So is @spiritdreamer , we have a lot going on but I am happy at least I do have a support system that likes what I do and loves me for who I am. A girlfriend is probably the only thing left I really need, just one quality woman and its super hard to get... but thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me too. I appreciate it bro. It would have been nice if that Kirby Cosplay chick gave me the opportunity to go out with her more... now she does not reply to any of my messages at all :(
Yes indeed we are I wish we had met sooner years ago and I knew what youtube and such was at the time cause then we could have met sooner years back heh back when ya did that toonami talk video! And yes it is always a great feeling having people around who accept you for who you are and you don
t have to hide your true self or act false,And yeah finding ones significant other is tough..And still tough even when you do find them because gotta worry if something will happen down the line or not thatd result in a split or something ah...and she does not reply to anything you send? Ah I wonder how much of her valuable time had been eaten up by those courses yikes either that or the painful reality she is ignoring.. :(It would have been great if we met way before but what matters is that we already met now for a few years now :) Honestly it was Nage Libre that bought us together. xD Believe it or not! I was looking up Nage Libre videos and I commented on a few years ago and thats how I believe we started.
Yeah and yes indeed that is what matters most we have met now already years later! Heh and yeah that was it wasn
t it? Nage Libre haha who would have thought that game there us both sharing in common having played and really enjoyed that gem wed be here now! heh.I wanna do something more with that game at some point hmm there is still one more thing left I wanna record sometime in the first game and that is the extra stage where all the bosses are. I managed to clear it 1 time before and boy was it super hard.
Ohh my xD I would look forward to that then xD Yes! Nage Libre is the reason that led to our friendship man!
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Massive respect for you dude! Don't worry you will meet someone.
Try to go out more, have some drinks, use dating applications, you are a great dude I'm sure some woman will realise this, but indeed don't be desperate; women hate desperate man, it's just not attractive at all. There is a difference between being needy and showing you are needy :)
Good luck my friend, I'm sure you will meet someone soon but true it can take some effort, go for what you want and have absolutely no shame, confidence is crucial in finding and seducing a lady :)
Yeah, well I am basically trying to improve myself financially and mentally so eventually I can find the woman that will appreciate the man I am :) Its not easy where I live cause almost all girls around my area are taken or not looking. Or live super far from me.
denoxblogger? I read your article, and I give it an upvote as it was written with great sincerity. I don't know if you're an oldies music fan, but your article somewhat reminds me of the lyrics to the following song: