Love from a concerned male perspective (I)

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There are certain moments in a man's life or generally in men's life that they want to breakdown not minding the stereotyped community in which we live, where women are the only ones supposed to breakdown, he cowers away from public, probably into his bedroom or into his bathroom and weep all he wants without being seen.

Much of these breakdowns boils down to either money or a lady he loves, it could be he not making enough money to feed his family and his wife is on his neck, he's in love with a lady and she doesn't seem to care because he can't afford to pay her bills, it might even be because he can't afford to take care of a care deserving lady (you know those ladies that are supposed to be taken care of, those ones that stand by you through thick and thin), but as you can see ladies walk hand in hand with money and without money a man is as good as nothing in our 'stereotyped community'.

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I've met many men, to be precise guys who give me the "I can't kill my self over a lady" again, keyword: "again", and if he's asked the next WH question WHY?, he'll go; they don't deserve it. If he's prodded further or left alone to blurt out his heart you'll be amazed that this particular hard or tough guy was as soft as wool and as meek as a mule before he was struck by love.

There's this particular friend (someone I know) who has reached the conclusion that any lady he meets and he doesn't sleep with in 2 weeks is never going to date him (in my mind I was like really? So it also boils down to sex?), that's how delusional he has become because of one girl, his story I'll share now.

This friend (Sunny) was in is first year in university when he met the girl supposed to he his dream wife :), he nurtured the girl from his first year when she was still doing the normal university pre-degree program, his money he'll split into 2, one part for his girlfriend and the other part in case his girlfriend needs extra, his foodstuffs into two in the same order, his time was shared between classes and visiting the girl's hostel, he was deeply in love.

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He continued to love his supposed girlfriend who wouldn't give him a hug, a slight peck on the cheek and he couldn't bring up the topic "sex" because he loves the girl, Sunny had in his mind that Ronke was his future wife.

One year became two and Ronke also gained admission into same university as Sunny and the unimaginable happened. Sunny was in year two now and discussing with his mates when one of the friend talked about his supposed girlfriend (Ronke).

Ronke was one out of his many girlfriends that he gets to sleep with for almost nothing, Sunny decided to prod further and know which Ronke his friend was talking about, his friend said; "Ronke is one of my girlfriends, she's in her first year in the department of Microbiology, she's light in complexion and quite busty", that's the perfect definition of Sunny's supposed girlfriend. My friend has known hunger, disappointment, for over one year and lived with it but out of nowhere came sadness and disappointment more than what he has experienced in more than his 1 and half year of supposingly dating Ronke and so to say his bubble was burst.

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I wouldn't blame Sunny for not asking Ronke if what his friend said was true or not but his next move really surprised me, he got some of his other friends who were quite good at sweet talking and gave them the description of his lover and they should do whatever they feel to her, well his friends did and they reported back to him with evidences, his anger has subsided and he has forgotten about Ronke but the wound in his heart can't be healed, the hole in his heart can't he closed and the disappointment he felt can't be compared to what he's felt before.

Obviously his experience wasn't the first among men an it wasn't the last for other men but his experience made him delusional, made him hard hearted and he has a new belief "no sex means no love", what happened to the old Sunny? He was betrayed by love and he cried out in agony when he heard that but he finally evolved from a larvae into a butterfly and now no flower is his abode, every flower he lands on, he stamps a mark and no one has stopped him so far.

Conclusively, I feel every man has that tingly feeling called love but our community has barred him from showing how lovingly he can be and when he shows it and isn't reciprocated he feels like he's failed and the community labels him a "woman", also when he feels down and hurt and wants to pour out his emotions and make the world know how feels, he possibly can't do that since he wouldn't want to be labeled a woman and thus suffer in silence and smile in public.

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Yes, men are supposed to be the stronger of the sexes and yes they're supposed to be the backbones and yes they'll be the one to instill fear and can't be done showing weaknesses but when he's broken what should he do???
Drop your decisions and thoughts.

Yours Truly,

Adelani.