Things to Do Immediately When You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating

I don’t mean to imply that cheating is always a bad thing. Affairs can sometimes make a relationship stronger, as many in the affair recovery movement can testify. Whereas a couple may have been neglecting their sex life, not paying enough attention to their emotional bond, or not communicating honestly about needs and desires, an affair can sometimes spur a couple to get their act together and function more securely. Cheating can sometimes be a way to end an unhealthy relationship, or gain clarity about what is truly fulfilling.

Limit Opportunity: Affairs and cheating are primarily an issue with the strength and satisfaction of our current relationship, so it’s always best to look there first before blaming others or circumstance. But in second place as a contributing culprit is opportunity. Affairs and cheating are often a function of opportunity. Traveling with a co-worker, being at a party late without your partner, spending lots of time alone, drinking too much, or having independent social circles and activities can create opportunities.

If you suspect your partner’s attention may be drifting elsewhere, it may push them further away to become angry and critical with them. Jealousy is natural, but try to focus on wooing your partner even more with your talents and capabilities. Give them more of a reason to love and value you. Being upset with them may frighten them temporarily into being more careful, but it’s not an effective long-term strategy, and often doesn’t work in the short term either. You can’t keep a partner around reliably or happily using threats and fear. Only the positive reasons for being together hold up as glue that will protect you from others getting in on the action.

Don't over accommodate: Men get into relationships with a very clear picture of what a lifetime partner looks like and this is often in stark contrast to whom he may have dated casually. Women work to become the person their partner wants them to be and in doing so, they lose themselves. One day, their man realizes this is what he asked for but he isn't sure it's what he really wants.

Don’t use this time to blame yourself: While it may not feel like it right now, and while your partner may even try to blame his or her bad behavior on you, try to remember this is not your fault. This was their choice. “It’s human nature for people to try to blame others for the things they’ve done that they are ashamed of,” Martinez explained. “They often instinctively think to blame their actions on another person, which helps them grapple with the fact that they’re not as terrible as they feel they are in this moment.”

It is a common, albeit, shameful reaction, to blame the other person for the choices they have consciously made, but do not allow them to lay that at your feet. If you were having problems, there were many other ways they could have worked things out.