HOW TO CHOOSE THE PERFECT COUPLE?
In life we have many opportunities, sometimes they are obvious and at other times we ignore them or we do not know what happened. It is incredible to realize how we can be so distracted to skip some opportunities, but it is something real and that happens commonly.
As an example, I will tell you that in elementary school my great friend confessed to me that he wanted to be my boyfriend but I did not find out until many years later, because he wrote his confession in the final part of one of my notebooks and I did not use to review that, and verifying my notes to recycle the notebook I found the note... Wow, what a mistake it was me!
But when talking about choosing a couple, there is no easy answer or a magic recipe.
The first thing we must be clear about is that PERFECTION is an illusion, it is something so subjective that it varies with each person, what is perfect for you is not for the other. Searching for perfection is the worst goal that can occur to us.
Why should not we look for a perfect match? Because we are not perfect. We must always try to be the best version of ourselves that we can, always following our ideals but open to understand and accept the ideals of others, we all have our limit of what we are willing to take on another person and what is not. We trust our instinct in our search, although we must be careful to be objective when evaluating the relationship or the people around you.
"Everything happens for some reason" It is a phrase that I repeat without knowing where I know it from, but each time this phrase makes more sense. Every person that life presents to us on the road is part of our team of teachers, those people who come to our life to teach us something.
And you will say... Those people who hurt us are not our teachers!
On the contrary, they are the ones that teach us the most in life! And this applies literally in love relationships.
You can not deny that you learn something from each wound, that each trip causes you to be more attentive to the gaps of the road, to analyze your steps and take better routes. Yes, of course it hurts when you are disappointed, of course, in the attempt to not get hurt, the only thing that causes it is closing the heart. But we are human and it is nice to have a nice weakness to feel at ease if we have a life partner who loves us as much as you love him.
Of course, it is not "need" to another person, that is something very different to feeling good, enjoy, when one can be with a partner who is akin to travel the same path by your side. But this topic will be part of an upcoming publication.
BASIC TIPS WHEN CHOOSING A COUPLE
¿Why the hurry?
Avoid rushing to choose a couple. And this leads us to ask ourselves ... Should we accept the first opportunity just for being the first? The first one that appears to give you attention is not necessarily the right one, take it easy and give the relationship time to climb the stages, so you can analyze the real personality of the other person and not just the "truth" they tell you. Remember that not everyone is what they say they are. This is a world where every day we are promoting ourselves, it is not that we plan it but it happens, there are people who know how to promote very well and to know them in reality, with their virtues and defects, you must be observing and detailing their words and gestures , so you can really know him.
Learn to be alone
The insatiable need for affection of another person, in this case a couple, because it is translated as the need for love, to feel loved by someone.
"A fact that is striking is that, generally, the emotional dependent looks for dominant couples, strong in character, rather selfish and self-centered, inconsiderate, possessive and even despotic, capable of reaching physical and / or psychological abuse, those that idealize in the extreme. It is lived by and for the couple."
When loving too much is depending - Silvia Congost Provensal
Emotional dependence can be considered as alcoholism, it is a vice. Those who suffer from it have a great fear of being alone and can not conceive of their life if it is not next to a sentimental partner. It is a clear problem of
low self-esteem
.
When a person depends on another to be happy, he already has the lost battle. That person who depends moves away from family and friends because they realize what is happening and try to open their eyes; he tends to prioritize his partner's needs before hers; He changes his way of being, of dressing, of thinking... just to adjust to his partner.
Remember the above and use it.
Do not worry if you have had partners and the relationship has not been permanent or long-term, but evaluate why it has not been. For example, if you always have a sentimental relationship and it usually lasts 6 months in most cases, you must evaluate why this happens, something is causing that constant factor.
Each couple teaches you what mistakes you make and the idea is to correct it in our next sentimental relationships, otherwise we are wasting our time repeating the mistakes. He learns that in a relationship there are two guilty and two innocent, he has as much responsibility as he does as he lets himself be.
Remember that only your change can influence your life, the changes of others are their responsibility.
Evaluate the points in common.
When we think about having a relationship with another person, it is vital to know their tastes, ideals, customs and beliefs, including knowing their future plans. Healthy life depends on this, to evaluate ourselves internally to know if the other person's tastes are compatible with ours.
Any relationship is doomed to failure when the ideals collide with the other, patience lasts a while but not for life, it is not healthy to "endure", our resistance to things that we do not like each other could one day overwhelm us and lead us to laziness, to embitter ourselves and blame the other for our unhappiness, therefore, to make him unhappy too.
Fluency in communication.
If from the first moment you feel that the words do not flow, that the communication is difficult to develop and that you should try too hard to get a comment, an answer... then the relationship will be very difficult to carry.
Do not hesitate to express your real opinion on any topic because we all think differently and in a couple, respect for the other's thinking is vital. Listening with attention despite not agreeing can be the most effective way to put yourself in the other's shoe, to see things from their perspective.
Eliminate vicious phrases
In everyday life we are attentive to the way in which other people express themselves towards us and we do not realize that they are sometimes a reflection of how we treat them. The word sometimes determines a lot in our lives, you can consider it as a "neuro-linguistic programming" that we are applying to ourselves at every minute.
There are phrases or words that can go sinking into dependency, which predispose us to consider the other a possession or to become addicted to a harmful relationship. And what can we do? An easy trick is to see if we apply these phrases (be aware that the first step is to recognize addiction):
"...eliminating from our vocabulary phrases such as "you are my life", "I can not live without you", "always yours"more typical of emotional and affective dependence than of love."
People are not your possession or one thing, treat everyone as you would like them to treat you.
Do you have fun?
Any person wants to do something nice with each day and when looking for a partner is one of the most important aspects that should be taken into account.
It's not that you look for the circus clown! That would not be the idea either.
A good sense of humor helps reduce the discomfort of an appointment, for example. It also opens the way to the possibility of making it clear that we are not conceited and that we are accustomed to be guided by humility.
Relationships tend to last longer when good humor dictates your day to day because a grumpy person endures it but not for life, that would be exhausting.
Clear rules
Like everything in life, if from the beginning we have well-defined rules, everything will be calmer, we will know what to expect from the other and, no, we can have our clear limitations and we will not need to ask at each moment whether or not each situation or each decision we made.
This "The Clear Rules" also includes knowing the level of commitment that is expected from the relationship, that is, if you want a serious relationship or a transitory relationship or as my daughter would say, a simple friendzone lol. This will avoid confusion and misunderstandings since both will have the reality of what they can ask for or how much they can give.
Everything in balance
When you are in a partnership, everything is under agreements, the balance must be the basis of the relationship. It is not good to make a couple dependent on our love or be dependent on them.
The logic of what is expected from a relationship is that you receive as much love as you give. When one is the one who sacrifices, when one is the one who gives in, when one is the one who loves... everything is lost.
Consider it a plant
Love has its beginning and in this case I will pose it as a seed, that seed that will germinate with each conversation, with each shared moment, with each gesture... but needs care, love and even patience, in order to grow and be quiet that plant, strong and full of life. But if it does not have the proper care, it withers and, in extreme cases, it dies.
"First of all we have to free ourselves from the idea of the couple as something eternal, from the" forever ", since within the uncertainty that a relationship supposes can happen ... It is therefore important to continue building our life beyond of the couple, making it an important part of our life, but not a whole."
A big part of building a life together means maintaining individuality in certain aspects. Being two working on a goal and not being one consuming the other his life. It is being and letting be.
That your fears do not stop you.
It is totally normal to feel afraid of making mistakes, I would say that it is the most common fear among human beings. It is understandable to fear the chaos and anguish that exists before the choice of a couple.
But trying to predict the future of a relationship is like encapsulating it in a crystal ball. This will not prevent failure, much less assure us success.
The truth is that there are no guarantees, we just have to take responsibility for our mistakes, our decisions and accept them. Remember that death is the only circumstance that can not be reversed, the others have tools to reverse them. How long it takes you to do it or what you should learn to do it is another issue.
But I assure you that you should not fear, for that we are human, to err and correct. All the sadness, disappointment or bad times you experienced with your former partners does not have to happen again with each future relationship. Everything is in you. And that is why you should not judge someone in your current life for something they did to you before, let alone pay for what you lived in your past.
Power your self-esteem
Every human being must be in constant evolution, in constant personal improvement. Overcoming your fears and betting on a new love is not easy because it requires above all to forgive oneself for mistakes, and to correct them you must first recognize them.
Who does not have a clear definition of who he is and what he expects from life, will have a very hard work to do. People who project insecurity and let themselves be carried away by pain in their past, are those who do not love themselves, who care more about what someone else wants to make them feel than what they feel. On the other hand, those who project safety and go through life restarting their history every time it is necessary with the certainty that it is the best for them, because they manage to attract positive things to their environment, infinite opportunities.
"Self-confidence conveys a charisma that is more seductive and magnetic than the physical image", says emotional management specialist Remedios Gomis.
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DarkFemme#3243
First be happy with yourself and then try to be happy with someone else, you can not receive what you do not know how to give.
The couple does not come from a fairy tale
Your partner must complement and fulfill your real expectations. Remember that stories are just stories, you do not need a prince charming to love and be loved healthy.
Many times we base our life on the perfect ideal of love, in which only a prince will be happy and even so, they tend to be unhappy. They reject the good prospects waiting for the ideal and then they complain of being alone, of never being able to find a partner that makes them happy.
But if we put such high expectations in the candidates it will be an impossible mission for them to fulfill them. You can not be perfect, everything can not be rosy and there will always be disagreements but if you have the appropriate assertive communication and love on your side, but above all, if you are willing to put your effort into the relationship, you can get to good port.
In short, these are a few technical details to evaluate for who seeks to have a partner, just remember, perfection is not real, does not exist. Although you can always make the couple the best possible relationship, that gives us warmth, calmness, help, love, respect, etc ... but that if ... answering the question of the title of the article HOW TO CHOOSE THE COUPLE PERFECT?, Here I have the answer:
Good luck in this selection!
Thanks for reading and we will be in touch ;)
This is the versión in english of my article, the original post is in spanish, for see it press here.
