Unexpected Love in the Rain 淋湿的青春会短路 | Monthly Review

01
At the age of 18, Newton attended Trinity College of Cambridge University;
Edison invented the way to automatically send electrical message by clock and the double recording method.
Chopin created his first piece: B Major and G Minor Polonaise.
Tian Xiaoying started working in a convenient store near Patrol China gas station next to the national highway of Horse-riding Mountain.

02

Although it was a tiny store, there were still lots of work to do: unloading, classifying, shelving, checking, cleaning. None of these was my responsibility.
In Akko’s word, it was his responsibility to deal with heavy and tough jobs, while mine was to remain good looking.
Akko was my workmate; a short, fat 23-year-old boy looked like a raccoon. He was not handsome.
I am Tian Xiaoying. I had just survived from college entrance examination. I told mom that I would rather save money for my brother than go to college.
My mother’s response was that she had immediately changed her attitude on me, completely. From that moment she had treated me as if I were her own child.
What a mercurial woman. No wonder why my father chose to run away with someone else.

03

It was seven o’clock in the morning when I opened the wooden window of my room.
There lay the Horse-riding Mountain, which seemed quite close to me. In the mountain was an abandoned temple. In the temple there was no monk.
When I was five years old, daddy carried me all the way up to the mountain. It was spring equinox. The mountain, covered by red, pink and light green colors, was so beautiful.
At the top one could catch a glimpse of the sea.
Daddy did not come home for dinner at dusk that day.
Mom, later that night, ran to the national highway crazily, cursed every single car passing by, and cried in a hoarse voice: “Don’t you ever come back!”
And I had never seen him.

04

It took no more than five minutes from my home to the store. But I was late as usual.
Quarter past nine, at the entrance of the store, I saw a Land Rover backing up.
From the side mirror I saw this middle-aged fellow’s face of handsomeness and vicissitudes. Look at this good looking “uncle”!
He would come in and buy stuff. I need to reserve a little for the first impression.
So I quickly stood behind the counter and smiled my eight tooth out, waited for him.
There the “uncle” came in, and his sight was caught by my face.
Neither did he look at the shelf nor Akko squatting by the shelf. He walked straight to me.
“Do you have pain killers here?”
“How about headache powder of He Jigong?” I asked.
“Show me.”
“Oh it’s not here. It’s in my home, only five minutes away from here. You can check the pharmacy too, which is twenty minutes away.”
There was no expression on his face. He refused my offer with eyes and turned to leave.
“Are you feeling alright?” I asked eagerly.
He stopped, turned back and asked: “Is there any hotel nearby?”
Akko went around like a wolf defending its territory. Although in fact he acted like a pig.
“Hi. I have several clean rooms in my house; it used to be a small hotel but had long been closed. You can stay there if you don’t mind.” said Akko.
He agreed with his eyes.

05

Even Akko’s block would do nothing to stop me from chasing uncle.
I used my initiative to approach him. I talked to him with causal manner. I did not see impatience from his face.
I added him on Wechat. When it came to night, I checked his moments carefully in bed.
His id was “Gao Yang”, and his first moment was posted on March 3rd, 2012.
He was so handsome and vigorous in the attached picture. A plain of fuchsia extended on the background. I knew they were saffron.
“A day is a miniature of eternity.” He posted. The location was Iran.
I focused on every detail of him like detective Conan. I even searched his name. He was a painter.
I adored him! I loved him! At that time these emotions had flooded all the way from heaven to me, and had drowned and defeated me completely.

06

For the second time in my life, I climbed up the Horse-riding Mountain for him.
Last night he posted a photo in moments, which I recognized from my fuzzy memory was the top of Horse-riding Mountain.
He was there, in the twilight, as I had expected. He even pitched a tent.
He sat on a stool with a wine bottle in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth. Beside him was a palette.
“Tibullus said you looked like a group of people when you were lonely.”
I went closer, pretended to be profound and tried to start the conversation.
Uncle took a deep puff, dropped the cigarette end and blew out smoke rings gracefully. He replied with this sexy, raspy voice:
“Tibullus also said girl guided by Venus, slipped through the sleeping guards to find the boy in the dark by herself.”
Ok I admitted that I was uncultured because that was the only words I prepared for this meeting. All I could say was:
“The girl doesn’t like boys. She likes Vladimir Nabokov only.”
Gao Yang nodded at me, and said: “Hi, Lolita.”

07

“Why do you drink here alone?”
“Because I have stories.”
“Can you tell me your story?”
I looked at him keenly.
“I used to fell in love with a woman, a beautiful woman. She said she loved me but hate to move around the world. So she left me and soon married with an Otaku, man who spends most time at home. That’s my story.”
“Have you travelled the whole world?” I asked.
“No. I haven’t been to heaven, or hell, yet.” Uncle took a sip of wine.
“Death will come to you sooner or later. Don’t go find him yourself.” I said seriously.
Uncle suddenly smiled a bright smile, deep from his heart. It was so bright that made him look like a teenager without sorrow.
He asked, “How old are you？”
“I am twenty-one.” I lied.
His eyes told me he did not believe that.
It was half past nine and I had to go to work.
I was reluctant to leave. “Uncle, I got to go.”
“En” was his answer.
I walked a few steps away and turned around, said to him firmly: “Gao Yang! I’d love to accompany you to the end of the world.”
All he gave me was a silent back.

08

Time without him moved way much slower. During this time I sent him messages of my thoughts as soon as they came to my mind.
But he never replied.
I also took selfies, posted in my moments with pretentious words only visible to him.
He never liked them.
At night, I lay prone on my bed and read his moments again and again.
Oh he had been to a karst-cave named Waitomo in Auckland, New Zealand. Countless fireflies glowing in the space, like twinkling stars that formed galaxy.
He also had been to Tromso in Norway for aurora. Light of red, pink and light green danced in the sky, as if it were a dream or fantasy. It looked exactly like the Horse-riding Mountain in my memory.

09

I had waited impatiently until dawn. I took off my pajama with figure of Hellokitty, and put on a bracelet skirt, covered it with my school uniform and ran up the mountain.
Thank God uncle was there.
Weather today was cloudy, not as beautiful as the past few days.
He had finally held his brushes.
He was not surprised of my appearance. I sat next to him quietly.
Tic-toc, raindrops started to fall. It fell on the drawing paper and melted the color at once.
We ran into the tent.
I took off my uniform which was not too wet, and intended to cling to him
I guess no man could resist the persist embracement of an eighteen-year-old girl.
He deliberately opposed me. I persisted in sticking to him. I looked at him and was obsessed with his mature handsome face where I discovered the desire constrained deep in his eyes.
In my own conceit I understood everything of this mid-aged man, including his ambition, his lonesomeness, his aspirations and his desire.
I kissed him desperately.
The rain was getting heavy outside the tent, while flower of happiness bloomed in my heart.

10

We spent 16 days together.
I said, “Uncle, why don’t you choose a town and grow old there? I will stay with you and read you newspapers when you are old.”
He said he never read newspapers.
I said, “Gao Yang, why don’t you take me with you and run far, far away? I wish to see the ocean. I can handle your wheelchair when you are too old to walk.”
He said that he hate wheelchair for it was too ugly.
I said, “Uncle, how about you do me something romantic? I have never been in a relationship except for you. I don’t know what romantic is.”
Uncle did not say anything this time. He turned and started kissing me.
I thought as long as I stuck up to him, I stuck up to the happiness.
At dusk that day, however, the Land Rover disappeared from the convenient store. Uncle had left without any notice.
Later that night, I ran to the national highway crazily, cursed every single car passing by, and cried in a hoarse voice: “Why are you leaving? Why don’t you take me with you?”

11

According to Zhensheng, firefly dies within two weeks. It cannot wait to praise life and love the moment it lightens itself.
There was no time to hate.
I thought I was this firefly—weak, but still struggling to lighten myself.
Like detective Conan, I grasped every detail of his.
Three months later I arrived at this unfamiliar town near the sea, in which his art exhibition would be held.
I stayed in a cheap hotel. It was raining cats and dogs. Thunder and lightning roared outside my window.
I would show you the best me tomorrow! Right tomorrow!
I forced myself to sleep.
But somehow or other, my heart became so heavy and pressed. I could not even breathe.

12
I stayed up all night and went to the exhibition hall early the next morning.
There was a post of a girl at the entrance of the hall. A school suit draped over her shoulder.
What beneath the school suit was a pink bracelet skirt.
She smiled slyly and shyly in the twilight. The cloud-covered mountain lay behind her. There was even a glimpse of the sea.
Loudly I laughed. It was such an unbridled laughter with which my tears went down.
Later the staff of the exhibition came around and told me to leave. He said the exhibition was cancelled. Why? I asked. He told me to search online.
I opened the browser on my phone with trembling hands, and put in the familiar name—
There was nothing but fake news. An artist named Gao Yang had thrown himself under the train last night. Haha, that’s funny. Are you kidding me? How could it be possible?

13

I waited for the bus quietly like nothing had ever happened. I put in two bucks for the ticket without any expression.
I got off the bus and walked a few hundred meters back to my cheap hotel.
Step by step, I walked slowly up to the top of the building, like the time when my daddy held me on his back and step by step climbed up the Horse-riding Mountain.
I sat at the edge of the top of the building and watched this beautiful little town. The sky and sea had joined together in the distance. It was a nice view.
“Why do you drink here alone?”
“Because I have stories.”
“Can you tell me your story?”
“I used to fell in love with a woman, a beautiful woman. She said she loved me but did not want to move around the world. So she left me and soon married with an Otaku, man who spends most time at home. That’s my story.”
“Have you travelled the whole world?”
“No. I haven’t been to heaven, or hell, yet.”
My feet hanged in the air. I looked down and saw strangers gathering around slowly under the building.
Policemen opened a small net and shouted to me through a loudspeaker: “Calm down! Think positive!”
I closed my eyes and started to contemplate; is this small net strong enough to hold my sweet but heavy love of 18 years old?
Uncle, let me do you something romantic.
I have never fallen in love except for you. I don’t know what romantic is.
It must be beautiful, I guess.

Original post written by @dancingapple: 淋湿的青春会短路 | 月旦评
Translator: @freesia205

01
18岁——
牛顿进入了剑桥大学三一学院，
爱迪生发明了利用钟机自动发送电讯及二重记报法，
肖邦创作出第一首作品B大调和g小调波兰舞曲，
田小颖进了跑马山国道边中石油旁的一家便利店上班。

02
便利店小小的，但是工作量很大，卸货分类上架检验清洁等等粗活都……不用我干。
用安可的话说，那就是他负责粗活累活，我负责貌美如花。

哦，安可是我同事，一个23岁的大男孩。
不帅，矮矮胖胖的，像只小浣熊。

我叫田小颖，刚从高考堆里捡回一条命来，我跟家里说我不上大学了，要把钱留给弟弟。
然后妈妈对我的态度立刻来了个180°转变，仿佛在那一刻起我才是她的亲生女儿。
这女人真善变，怪不得我老爸选择和别的女人远走高飞。

03
早上七点，我推开房间的小木窗。
看起来并不远的地方有座山，跑马山，山上有座废弃的庙宇，庙里并没有和尚。

五岁那年，爸爸背着我爬上了那座山，那时正值春分，漫山遍野的红粉翠绿很美。
到了山顶，隐约可以眺望到大海。

那天黄昏，爸爸没有回家吃饭。
那晚，妈妈发疯似的跑去国道旁，对着来往的车破口大骂，声嘶力竭哭喊道：“你走了就永远不要回来了！”
后来，我再没有见过他。

04
从我家走去便利店不用五分钟，可是我却经常迟到，今天也不例外。
九点十五分，我走到店门口，看见一辆路虎在倒车。
倒后镜折射出一张有点沧桑的脸，啊，这个大叔，有点帅绝人寰。

他肯定是要进店买东西的，首次见面，我打算矜持那么一点点。
于是我迅速钻进收银台，露出八颗牙的阳光笑容等他进来。

果然帅大叔走了进来，目光锁定在我脸上。
他没有看货架上的东西，也没留意到蹲在货架下的安可，径直向我走来。
“请问你这有没有止痛药？”
我说：“何济公的头痛散可以吗？”
“拿给我看看。”
“哦，不在店里，在我家。我家离这里很近，只需要五分钟的路程，如果你想去药店买也可以，大概二十分钟的路程。”

帅大叔面无表情，然后用眼神谢绝了我，转身就要离开。
“你哪里不舒服吗？”我急迫地问了一句。

帅大叔立定，转过身问了句：“这附近哪里有住的地方？”
安可此时走了过来，像个捍卫自己领土的狼，额，虽然他身上只有猪的影子。

安可说：“你好，我家有几间干净的客房，如果你不嫌弃可以前往看看，从前那也是个小客栈，但后来倒闭了”
帅大叔用眼神同意了。

05
虽然半路杀出安可这个程咬金，但并不阻碍我和帅大叔的进展。
我主动靠近他，毫无章法地跟他搭话，他脸上也没有流露出不耐烦的样子。

我加了他微信，晚上，我躺在床上细细拉看他的朋友圈。

他微信名叫高杨，第一条朋友圈发于2012年3月3日。
配图中的他看起来十分俊朗，意气风发，身后一片紫红色，我认得，那是藏红花。
“A day is a miniature of eternity.”他写道。
定位是Iran。

我像柯南一样，不放过关于他的任何细节，还百度了他的名字，他竟然是个画家。
那一刻，我的崇拜与爱慕之心犹如黄河流水，从九天之上倾泻而下，毫不留情把我冲垮淹没。

06
为了他，我人生第二次爬上了跑马山。
昨晚我看见他发了一条朋友圈，那是我模糊记忆里的跑马山顶。

晨光之下，他果然在那，还搭起了一个小帐篷。
他坐在凳子上，旁边立着一块画板，一手拿着酒瓶，嘴里叼着烟。

“提布卢斯说，你在孤独中也仿佛是一群人。”
我凑上前去，故作深沉地挑起话题。

帅大叔深吸一口烟，然后弹掉烟头，不紧不慢吐着烟圈，烟嗓十分性感：
“提布卢斯还说，少女受维纳斯的指引，偷偷穿过熟睡的看守中间，单独进入黑暗寻找那个青年。”

好吧，我承认我是个草包，因为我只准备了一句装x的话，只好说：
“少女不喜欢小青年，她只喜欢纳博科夫。”
高杨朝我点点头，说：“Hi，Lolita”。

07
“你为什么自己在这里喝酒？”
“因为，我有故事。”

“你可以告诉我你的故事吗？”
我向他表现出迫切的眼神。

“我曾经爱上一个女人，她很美。她说她爱我，但并不想浪迹天涯。于是，转身跟一个宅男结婚了。这就是我的故事。”

“你走遍全世界了吗？”我问。
“不。还没去过地狱，也没到过天堂。”帅大叔喝了口酒。

“死亡迟早都找你，切勿凭自己。”我郑重其事地说。
大叔突然笑了，发自内心的笑，很明亮，很好看，像个阳光少年。

他说：“你几岁了。”
“21！”我撒谎。
大叔的眼神告诉我他并不相信。

已经9点半了，我不得不下山赶回去上班。
恋恋不舍，我说：“大叔，我要回去了。”
大叔嗯了一下。
我走了几步，又回过头，语气十分坚定地对他说：“高杨！我愿意陪你浪迹天涯。”
他只给我一个沉默的后脑勺。

08
一日不见如隔三秋，见不到他的时间里，我一想到什么就马上发信息给他。
但是他从来不回。
然后我也各种自拍，配上矫情的文字发朋友圈，只有他可见。
他也从不点赞。

晚上我趴在床上，一遍一遍刷他的朋友圈。
哦，原来他去过新西兰奥克兰市一个叫怀托莫的溶洞，里面有无数只发着光的萤火虫，像繁星闪烁，如置身银河。
他还去过挪威的tromso看极光，红粉翠绿的光舞动在天空之上，如梦似幻，像极了我记忆中的跑马山。

09
迫不及待等到了天边微亮，我把HelloKitty的睡衣脱下，换上一条吊带裙，外面再套了一件校服，往山上跑去。
谢天谢地，大叔真的在那里。

今天天气不如前几天的好，阴沉沉的。
他终于动笔画画了。
他对我的到来并不惊讶。我在一旁安静坐着。

滴滴答答，头顶陆续有雨滴落下来，打在画纸上，立刻晕开了一片。
我们跑进帐篷。

我脱掉不算湿的外套，故意紧挨着他。
没有哪个男人抵得过18岁少女执拗的投怀送抱，我猜。
他刻意抵挡着我，我固执地黏着他，迷恋地看着他成熟帅气的脸庞，我看到了他压抑在眼底的不羁。

我自认为读懂了眼前这个老男人的一切，他的抱负、他的孤独、他的野心和他的需求。
我不顾一切吻他。
帐篷外雨下得很大，我的心乐开了花。

10
我们相处了16天。
我说：“大叔，不如你就择一城终老吧，我陪着你。等你老眼昏花了，我读报纸给你听。”
大叔说他从来不看报纸。

我说：“高杨，不如你就带我远走高飞吧，我好想去看看海。等你老了走不动了，我找辆轮椅推着你。”
大叔说他不坐轮椅，太丑。

我说：“大叔，你为我做一件浪漫的事吧，除了你，我没谈过恋爱，我不知道浪漫是怎么一回事。”
大叔这回不说话了，他转过身吻我。

我以为只要我黏着他，就等于拴住了幸福。
然而，那天黄昏，停在便利店旁的路虎消失了，帅大叔不辞而别。
那晚，我发疯似的跑去国道旁，对着来往的车破口大骂，声嘶力竭哭喊道“你为什么要走！你为什么不带我走！”

11
榛生说，萤火虫注定两个星期会死去，发亮的一瞬，它从来不及地要感激生命与爱情。
它没有时间去仇恨。

我想，我就是那只弱小却努力发着光的萤火虫。
我像柯南一样，不放过任何有关于他的蛛丝马迹。

三个月后，我只身来到一个陌生的沿海城市，这里，有他的画展。
我住进廉价旅馆，窗外大雨磅礴，电闪雷鸣。
明天，明天我要美美地出现在你面前！
我强迫自己入睡。
可是心脏那个地方，却莫名其妙地压抑，沉重到无法呼吸。

12
一夜无眠，第二天一大早，我就奔赴展厅。
展厅门口立着一幅海报，上面有一个披着校服的女孩。
校服之下，是一条粉粉嫩嫩的吊带裙。
女孩笑得既狡黠又羞涩，晨光之下，身后是云烟萦绕的山，仿佛还能看见海。

我笑了，笑得很大声，很放肆，笑得眼泪都流下来了。
后来，有工作人员走过来，叫我离开，说画展取消了。我问为什么？他说你自己上网看看吧。

我双手颤抖地打开手机浏览器，输入那熟悉的名字——
很爱造假的新闻，说一个叫高杨的画家于昨晚卧轨自杀了，哈哈，真好笑，怎么可能呢？

13
我像个没事的人儿一样，安静等待公交车，面无表情投了两块钱。
到站，走了几百米，回到廉价旅馆。

我慢慢地，一步一步走上天台，仿佛当初爸爸背着我，一步一步爬上跑马山顶。
我坐在楼顶的边缘，看着这个美丽的小城市，远处海天一线，很美。

“你为什么自己在这里喝酒？”
“因为，我有故事。”
“你可以告诉我你的故事吗？”
“我曾经爱上一个女人，她很美。她说她爱我，但并不想浪迹天涯。于是，转身跟一个宅男结婚了。这就是我的故事。”
“你走遍全世界了吗？”
“不。还没去过地狱，也没到过天堂。”

我的双脚悬在空中，低头，看见楼下慢慢聚集起许多陌生人。
警察拉开一张小小的网，拿着高音喇叭冲我喊道：“别冲动！想开一点！”

闭上眼睛，我暗自盘算，那小小的网，接得住我这18岁，甜蜜又沉重的爱情吗？

大叔，就让我为你做一件浪漫的事吧。
除了你，我没谈过恋爱，我不知道浪漫是什么一回事。
但我猜，应该很美。