YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE (UNTIL YOU LOSE HIM)

in love •  last year  (edited)

MY PAPA

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Hello! by the way I'm Liz... If you were to as ask me what's my biggest regret it only boils down to me being a daughter that hadn't had much time to somehow have that quality time with my father. Don't get me wrong it's not that I literally don't have time, my parents separated when I was still grade six. Yes! I totally missed him, but He was from a far. All I knew as a child is that I have them though it wasn't the ideal image of a family because they quarrel a lot that cause a lot of gossip too and somehow shame feeling but I seem not to care, I wasn't so sure what was happening. In my mind this was our family set-up. As I grew older I never thought of being loved by him- my father. So, I been allowing time that whole time that I was rejected by him that he chose his new family over us. That resulted of me being unconcerned, unloving, ungrateful and all the negativity towards him. But long story short, it was 2016 that He arrived in the Philippines specifically in Manila where he lives with his girlfriend since they're not married-by the way, he is a seafarer that's why.. So, normal routine that happens every year he visits us 3-5 days annually and then go back to Manila. He was supposedly going to visit us that time but he said he got confined to a hospital and all we knew it was just minor. Even before we knew he had a high blood, so we were just chill but didn't know it would be his last year on earth.

One day, After he got confined he said gather that going first in us, He would want to visit his Family- mother and siblings. They were originally from Ozamiz City in Mindanao, so that's it we received call from him saying he just arrived in Pagadian at his sister's home but i think 2 hrs from that moment he got confined again and soon a week had passed. He was so ill that he needed to get to Manila to get good medication but he was so ill. We got terrified, we want to visit our papa but his family wasn't in good terms with my mother that somehow affects our relationship with them. We weren't welcomed but we don't care we want to see him sadly we don't have any money that time. We tried asking help from my mother's relatives, friends and almost everyone we knew but... it took us a couple of days until the Family of Dizon from our church had enough money for us to travel. Because my papa's family didn't helped us to get there even if we knew that they're capable. Everything was too late.. He died July 7 on 2016 at 2 AM. EVERYTHING WAS TOO LATE AND SO DEPRESSING that I almost thought of ending my life, from that day on, I literally don't know what to do..

Guys If you had your loved ones, don't take them for granted. Don't keep on counting the bad things they've done, Stop asking for perfection, all your wants - he knew what I want, I cried almost every call for him to be with us again. All I want is to have a Family "buong pamilya"- Papa, mama and siblings. But treasure what you have right now, not what you don't have. Work on your present and move on from your past acquiring all the learnings ! Love Your Family whatever the situation and Learn to Forgive them.

The biggest Regret in life is not really losing but not being able to give your whole-heart to the One you Love

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