Love and Relations

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Meaning of LOVE---
LOVE usually refers to an experience one person feels for another.Love often involves caring for,or identifying with a person or thing including oneself. A person can be said to love an object,principle or goal to which they are deeply committed.
Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of LOVE and argued that love has three different components: Intimacy,Commitment and Passion.Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs.Commitment on the other hand is the expectation that the relationship is permanent, and the last form of love is sexual attraction and passion.Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three components.
American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics in the 1970s. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.
Psychologist Erich Fromm maintained in his book The Art of Loving that love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the "feeling" of love is superficial in comparison to one's commitment to love via a series of loving actions over time. In this sense, Fromm held that love is ultimately not a feeling at all, but rather is a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration. Fromm also described love as a conscious choice that in its early stages might originate as an involuntary feeling, but which then later no longer depends on those feelings, but rather depends only on conscious commitment.
Certainly love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin), neurotrophins (such as NGF), and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love: sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate); companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.
In her book, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, Helen Fischer --- an American Anthropologist,human behavior researcher,and leading Expert on biology of love and attraction.She proposed that humanity has evolved three core brain systems for mating and reproduction:

1. lust - the sex drive or libido, also described as borogodó.
2. attraction - early stage intense romantic love.
3. attachment - deep feelings of union with a long term partner.
   Love can start with any of these three feelings, Fisher maintains. Some people have sex with someone new and then fall in love. Some fall in love first, then have sex. Some feel a deep feeling of attachment to another, which then turns into romance and the sex drive. But the sex drive evolved to initiate mating with a range of partners; romantic love evolved to focus one's mating energy on one partner at a time; and attachment evolved to enable us to form a pair bond and rear young together as a team.
   Fisher discusses many of the feelings of intense romantic love, saying it begins as the beloved takes on "special meaning." Then you focus intensely on him or her. People can list the things they dislike about a sweetheart, but they sweep these things aside and focus on what they adore.
   Fisher and her colleagues studied the brain circuitry of romantic love by MRI-scanning the brains of forty-nine men and women: seventeen who had just fallen madly in love, fifteen who had just been dumped, and seventeen who reported that they were still in love after an average of twenty-one years of marriage. One of her central ideas is that romantic love is a drive that is stronger than the sex drive. As she has said, "After all, if you casually ask someone to go to bed with you and they refuse, you don't slip into a depression, commit suicide or homicide -- but around the world people suffer terribly from romantic rejection.From the brain scans of people who had just fallen madly in love, Fisher's 2004 book discusses differences between male and female brains. On average, men tended to show more activity in a brain region associated with the integration of visual stimuli, while women showed more activity in several brain regions linked with memory recall. Fisher hypothesizes that these differences stem from differing evolutionary forces governing mate choice. In prehistory (and today), a male was obliged to size up a potential female partner visually to ensure that she is healthy and age-appropriate to bear and rear their potential progeny. But a female could not know from a male's appearance whether he would be a good husband and father; she had to remember his past behaviors, achievements and misadventures--memories which could help her select an effective husband and father for her forthcoming young.
   Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.
   Meaning of LOVE in Vedas
   Aatma Prema is a very beautiful concept that deals with the values of loving self without any condition and in full acceptance. It is the concept when you love yourself not because you keep yourself above from others, but when you see yourself in others and others in yourself. To simplify it is the feeling where we realise it is becoming one with the origin. Once you learn the art of self-love then you can finally renounce the negative feelings like hatred, jealousy and be able to love selflessly.Among the various forms of love, kama is the aspect that deals with carnal pleasure. In common language, we call it sex. It is considered as one of the most joyful aspects of being in love with the other. It involves different stages of love making that make the sparks fly between two people.
   According to the ancient Vedic knowledge LOVE between a man and a woman develops and runs seven stages, there are no precise boundaries. They can flow smoothly into one another, or, like an explosion, occur simultaneously.

I. Stage of contemplation.
Attracted the attention of one other person of the opposite sex. One whose attention is drawn, highlights another person from others, examining, feels sympathy and unwittingly creates situations that allow more to see, because the meeting is a joy.
II. Stage of initiation.
One of the lovers (sometimes both) "throws" his sympathy for the other: actively engaging his attention in different ways, wanting to please, to make a favorable impression interested.
III. Stage opening of the heart.
This period Vedic sages called "honeymoon" because "the heart of both open and exude love streams of love and affection." One of the happiest periods in early stage lyubvnyh relationships - lovers forget about everything and they feel that they have found the half.
According to the Vedas, at this stage, do not just have sex, "as long as the passion will not be a servant of love" as "passion can quickly capture the heart, killing still a tiny flower of love" and come to the fore, destroying love. The ancients believed that the stage of opening the heart can take from several months to several years.
IV. Stage of contact.
The most difficult and challenging period. Need to find common ground on all levels - spiritual, intellectual, social, domestic, emotional and physical, that requires patience and careful attention to each other.
During this period, the "heart of two lovers can be periodically closed" due to the idealization of another, or the fear of the excessive passion, so it is possible internal or external gap. But this stage of love is also finite.
V. Stage of creation.
Woman's "open" and more and more filled with warmth. Now the couple are ready to create a complete family, that is to "take back the souls who will be their children." They "create a garden of love and tenderly care for each flower," do not put pressure on their children and do not try to alter it.
With the onset of the stage works of the "heart of love will never be closed."
VI. Stage of self-sacrifice.
Beloved tested his love. For each pair they own, as a measure of self-sacrifice. The vital task in the final stage is the destruction that was artificially created in the relationship between people, that there is only love.
VII. Stage harmony.
Hearts of two people, as it were fused together, and between them is different, they are in the same energy-matrix, the couple "have one heart for two." Loving feel each other at a distance. "The flow of love, like an inexhaustible waterfall erupts around them, harmonizing space and time. Even severe pain can not break the bliss of love. Souls who have reached this stage, do not leave even after death. "
Those who were able to go through all seven stages of love, and attain spiritual perfection, enlightenment, returning to God.
Rig-Veda says, "Wife is verily a home" (1-66-5, 1-77-3 and 3-54-4). After marriage the girl can attend and address Vidhata (Assembly regarding religious and spiritual matters) and Sabha (Assembly regarding social, economics and political matters) and should conduct as per Rta (cosmic Laws of necessity) and Dharma (Rig Veda 10-85-26 to 42 and 47. Atharav Veda. 14-1-20, 22. 14-2-64, 71). She is the mistress and ruler of the house. Virtuous, noble, educated wife of an unimpeachable character and conducts devoted to her husband with body mind and soul enjoy the highest bliss. Atharva Veda 14-1-20 enjoins the wife to go to husband's place and become the mistress of the house. However, for those who do not have faith in the permanent truths and cosmic laws of necessity (Rta) of the Vedas and prefer to follow non divine vocations by resorting to bribery, magic, miracles, adulteration of food, the Vedic metaphysics is silent about the marriage institution for them. Out of six kinds of marriages mentioned in Rig Veda like Brahma Vivah, Gandharva Vivah, Asura Marriages based on use of force and any kind of pressure are not advised in Rig Veda. Bigamy, polygamy and polyandry is not advised to Arayans (noble persons).
Rig-Veda 6-64-6 says, at the time of marriage the woman should preferably choose a man who likes her most and is delighted to see her. Parents should give freedom to the young girl to choose her life partner through the institution of Svayamvara, which literally means self choosing of a husband (R.V 5-47-6 and 1-71-8). The path-finders found highly ethical and divine principles in regard to the institution of marriage. God is present when sex is resorted to for the purposes of procreation only in socially recognised marriages. A number of socially recognised marriages have been mentioned. Love marriage is considered superior to arranged marriage. Parents should encourage those young men and women who love each other and want to get married. This kind of Marriage is Brahma Vivah (marriage blessed by God). There is no mention anywhere that marriages should be within the same Varna. More emphasis is on the same level of intelligence, ability and the proficiency in Vedic education. Both degree holders should preferably marry each other but their children could be assigned different Varna based on merit, aptitude and capacity. There is no mention of 4 Varnas (Brahamin, Kshatriya, Vaisha and Shudra) by birth in the Vedas.
Marriages arranged by parents are also contemplated. However, the institution of svayamvara where the bridegroom has to fulfill certain conditions of expertise, strength, power, knowledge etc., is to be fulfilled as prescribed by the parents of the bride, before finally getting married. This clearly shows the great importance Vedic risis and munnies gave to women. No dowry system is mentioned anywhere. Vedas leave no doubt those male female relationships are more on the principle of co-equal relationship of the cosmos i.e. between Purusha (the Supreme Reality) and Prakrti (Supreme Mother) and thus provide divinity and sanctity to the institution of marriage.
Vedas are the most important Indian scriptures written by ancient intellectuals. It describes every duty of a person born in the Vedic religion. Atharvaveda is the fourth book out of the total 4 Vedas, but has been a late addition to the Vedic scriptures. It clearly describes the duty of Husband and Wife for maintaining a healthy marriage.

Duties of a Wife-

1. Atharvaveda mantra 2/30/2 - Sharing is the key to a healthy marriage. Husband and Wife should share everything they come across.
2. Atharvaveda mantra 6/11/1- Hard work and strength should be the traits of a husband and wife should be calm and serene. This will give birth to brave and sensible progeny.
3. Atharvaveda mantra 6/42/1- husband and wife should be completely devoid of anger and should work together to accomplish house hold tasks.
4. Atharvaveda mantra 6/89/2- Compatibility should never be an issue between a husband and a wife. Love comes with understanding.
5. Atharvaveda mantra 7/37/1- Wife should be careful regarding keeping herself well clad and look decent. Husband should never think about any other woman.
6. Atharvaveda mantra 7/38/1 - Being away from her Husband's house may create an urge in the Husband to get involved with some other female. This is said to be general human tendency.
7. Atharvaveda mantra 1/14/1 - Her husband's house should be her permanent abode. Handling situations faithfully, gently and in a learned manner will prevent problems from entering their lives.
8. Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/1- Being blunt and over scheduled may bring a monotonous approach to any relationship. Showing care, love and romanticism should be well understood by the wife.
9. Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/5- Sincerity and dedication towards her husband should be her priority.
10. Atharvaveda mantra 3/30/2 - The wife should always put up a sweet and sober nature.
11. Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/1 - Being sensual, hardworking and maintaining the daily rituals cleverly and properly should be her attitude.
12. Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/2 - The hard earned money by her husband should be managed by the wife. Preserving and increasing it is her duty.
13. Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/3- Ensuring that milk and milk products should never be a shortage should always be in her mind. Always developing the house in a positive way and maintaining a peaceful environment are her responsibilities.
14. Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/4- She should take care of her happiness as well and discuss it with her husband. Sorrows should not weaken her as she is the housemaker and her attitude will affect the entire household.
15. Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/5- She should toil from sunrise to sunset exploring and developing things.
16. Atharvaveda mantra 6/8/1 - A wife's development should always be directly proportional to her husband's growth as a creeper completely depends on the tree.
17. Atharvaveda mantra 6/8/3 - Even the thought of separation from her husband is a crime for her.
18. Atharvaveda mantra 7/47/2- It is her duty to bring in spirituality in the members of the family and always keep God's grace on the house.

Duties of a husband
1.Atharvaveda mantra 1/34/5 - The husband should be sweet and affectionate such that the wife will always love him dedicatedly.
2.Atharvaveda mantra 2/30/4 - Nothing should be kept hidden from the wife. Maintaining transparency is his prior duty.
3.Atharvaveda mantra 5/25/6- Being disciplined and maintaining a pious life should always be in his mind.
4.Atharvaveda mantra 6/9/2 - Love, care and affection should always be shown by him towards his wife. Even at situations of sorrow and difficulty he should never be rude or treat ill to his wife.
5.Atharvaveda mantra 6/81/1 - Husband should lead a disciplined life and should be capable of earning money to sustain his married life.
6.Atharvaveda mantra 6/89/1 - His wife should always get the required respect and should be treated like a precious possession. He should always be careful about her honor.
Hindu marriage joins two individuals for life, so that they can pursue dharma (duty), artha (possessions), kama (physical desires), and moksha (ultimate spiritual release) together. It is a union of two individuals as husband and wife, and is recognized by law. In Hinduism, marriage is followed by traditional rituals for consummation. In fact, marriage is not considered complete or valid until consummation. It also joins two families together. Favorable colours are normally red and gold for this occasion.
The use of jathakam or Janam Kundali (astrological chart at the time of birth) of the son/daughter to match with the help of a priest is common, but not universal.Some communities, like the Brahmans in Mithila, use genealogical records ("Panjikas") maintained by the specialists.
Jatakam or Kundali is drawn based on the placement of the stars and planets at the time of birth. The maximum points for any match can be 36 and the minimum points for matching is 18. Any match with points under 18 is not considered as an auspicious match for a harmonious relationship. If the astrological chart of the two individuals (male and female) achieve the required threshold in points then further talks are considered for prospective marriage. Also the man and woman are given a chance to talk and understand each other. Once there is an agreement then an auspicious time is chosen for the wedding to take place.
In recent years, with the onset of dating culture in India, arranged marriages have seen a marginal decrease, with prospective brides and grooms preferring to choose a spouse on their own and not necessarily only the one whom their parents find agreeable; this has been more pronounced in urban and suburban areas than rural region.
According to Hinduism there are eight different types of marriages. Not all have religious sanction.

The eight types are:

1. Brahma marriage - The Brahma marriage is the marriage of one's daughter, after decking her with costly garments and with presents of jewels, to a man of good conduct learned in the Vedas, and invited by oneself.A Brahma marriage is where a boy is able to get married once he has completed his student hood, or Brahmacharya. Brahma marriage has the most supreme position of the eight types of Hindu matrimony. When the parents of the boy seek for a female, they would consider her family background, but the girl's father would make sure that the boy that wishes to wed his daughter had the knowledge of Vedas. It is these things that make the basis for Brahma marriage, not a system of dowry.
2. Daiva marriage - The type of marriage that is considered inferior because it is degrading to womanhood. This is where the woman's family will wait for a specific time to get her wed. If she doesn't get a suitable groom, then she would be married off to places where family choose by matchmaking through priest who duly officiates at a religious ceremony, during the course of its performance. This used to be the practice followed by many Royals in ancient times to forge diplomatic ties with allies and enemies alike.
3. Arsha marriage - An Arsha marriage is where the girl is given in marriage to a sage. The bride used to be given in exchange for some cows. Agasthya married Lopamudra accordingly. Kings often could not refuse the sages who had such power and standing in society and hence the numerous stories in Mahabharata that portray this practice.
4. Prajapatya marriage - Prajapatya is when a girl's father gives her in marriage to the bridegroom, treating him with respect, and addresses them: 'May both of you perform together your duties'. Unlike in Brahma marriage, Prajapatya matrimony is where the bride's father goes in search of a groom, although this isn't considered as good as the grooms parents searching for the perfect bride. Also, unlike Arsha marriage, monetary transactions are not a part of the Prajapatya marriage.
5. Gandharva marriage - The voluntary union of a maiden and her lover on own is called Gandharva marriage. When it comes to 'love' marriage, it is Gandharva marriage that is the most similar. This is where a groom and his bride could wed without their parents knowledge or sanction. This is how Dushyanta married Shakuntala. Note that this is not same as Dating. Here the bride and the groom exchange vows in the presence of some person, creature, tree, plant or deity before any further action.
6. Asura marriage - Asura marriage is when the bridegroom receives a maiden, after having given of his own free will as much wealth as he can afford, to the bride and her kinsmen. It is Asura marriage that sets itself apart from the other types of marriage. This is a matrimony where the groom may not often be compatible with the bride and may even possess some abnormality but either greed or compulsion on the part of the bride's father coupled with the groom's desire and wealth may render it. At all times this type of marriage was considered lowly. In modern times this is unacceptable because it is much like buying a product off the shelf and against common Indian law.
7. Rakshasa marriage - Rakshasa marriage is the marriage of a maiden involving her forcible abduction from her home after her kinsmen have been slain or wounded much like its practice in khazakh and uzbek cultures where it is still practised as a ritual. The groom will forge battles with the bride's family, overcome them and carry the bride away to convince her to marry him. Because of its use of force this marriage is essentially rape in modern parlance, and it was never considered right - hence the pejorative name rakshasa attached to it. This is condemned in the Manusmriti as a base and sinful act. In modern times it is a crime. Arjuna's marriage to Subhadra was made to look like this but in reality it was a Gandharva Marriage because both of them were in love a priori and they had the consent of Subhadra's brother Sri Krishna who actually suggested this subterfuge to preempt Balarama from dissent.
8. Paishacha marriage - When a man by stealth seduces a girl who is sleeping, intoxicated, or mentally challenged, it is called Paishacha marriage. This is condemned in the Manusmriti as a base and sinful act. In modern times this is called Date Rape and is a crime in most civilized lands.
   Historically the vedic marriage was but one of the few different types of Hindu marriage customs. Love marriage was also seen in historical Hindu literature and has been variously described by many names, such as Gandharva vivaha. In certain poor vaishnav communities there is still a custom called kanthi-badal which is an exchange of bead-garlands as a very simplified form of ritual in solitude in front of an idol of Krishna, considered a form of acceptable love marriage.
   Elopement has also been described in old Hindu literature. Lord Krishna himself eloped with Rukmini on a horse chariot. It is written that Rukmini's father was going to marry her to Shishupal, against her wishes. Rukimini sent a letter to Krishna informing of a place and time to pick her up.

Different Types of LOVE
1)Love for Brothers
The holy scripture Ramayana provides an in-depth love brotherly love.
Laxmana 's love for Rama who sacrificed all pleasures and comforts of a luxurious life accompanied him to Exile in the forest. Same Devi Sita left a luxurious life and accompanied her husband to the forest in Exile.Bharata renounced the throne depicting brotherly love for Rama.

2)Love for a Friend
Lord Rama's love for Sugriva depicts friendly love. Lord Krishna's love for Sudama ( poor Brahmin) depicts selfless love for a poor friend by a rich King.

3)True love by a devotee( Bhakta)
Shabari did tapasya doing Ramnaam jap for many many years awaiting in her hut to meet Lord Rama.Lord Rama did come one day and when he met Shabari,out of her pure selfless love for Lord Rama and Laxmana, she tasted every berry before offering to Lord Rama and Laxmana.Lord Rama touched by her love happily consumed half-eaten berries and Laxmana slyly threw away these berries and their seeds.
Then in future when there was a clash between Ravana's son Indrajit who injured Laxmana and he fell unconscious.Vaidya( Doctor in those days) advised Rama to bring Sanjivani leaves to gain Laxmana back. This Sanjivani plant had grown in a place where these berries and seeds were thrown by Laxmana ( condemning the love of Shabari berries.)After consuming Sanjivani only did Laxmana regained his consciousness.This clearly indicates one must eat anything given by anybody with pure LOVE and one must not contemplate anything given by anybody and understand the feelings behind the act of love.

4)Love for a husband
Savitri's love for her husband following Yamaraj The God of Death to Yamaloka till he blessed her Sowbhagyavati and 100 putras ( 100 sons) is true love for a husband by the wife.
Devi Sita's love for her husband is depicted in Ramayana when she sacrifices all luxurious life of the kingdom and accompanies Lord Rama in exile to the forest.
Maha Sati Anusya's love for her husband is depicted in her Pativratya dharma.

1. Love for the God
   Sant Tukaram, Sant Gyaneshwar, Sant Sakhubai, Sant Namdev,Sant Eknath.

2. Love for a Wife
   King Edward VIII gave up his throne to marry a simple ordinary lady.

Conclusion-
TWO GREATEST KINDS OF LOVE ON THIS EARTH IS LOVE BETWEEN MOTHER AND CHILD AND LOVE BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE( rather LOVERS)
LOVE is a very very wide topic.It can be discussed only face-to-face with people.I am a Textile and Chemical Technologist.As Helen Fischer rightly says about Love as Lust, attraction and attachment.
Lust is sexual love
Attraction is outward love
Attachment is real love which is a lasting one ( generally ends in a marriage )
Being a chemical graduate love described in terms of chemicals when a person falls in love certain chemicals as dopamine, norepineephrine etc are released. The extent to which these chemicals are released depends on the type of love you have for an individual.
In International Business Love means you make a front person fall in love to extract business.
But one thing is for sure if you have lots of love giving ability then you will definitely lead a good life, be happy, have more friends, more relations, more attachments etc.
It means you should not expect anything in return if you love a person.
A number of socially recognised marriages have been mentioned. Love marriage is considered superior to arranged marriage. Parents should encourage those young men and women who love each other and want to get married. This kind of Marriage is Brahma Vivah (marriage blessed by God). There is no mention anywhere that marriages should be within the same Varna. More emphasis is on the same level of intelligence, ability and the proficiency in Vedic education. Both degree holders should preferably marry each other but their children could be assigned different Varna based on merit, aptitude and capacity. There is no mention of 4 Varnas (Brahamin, Kshatriya, Vaisha and Shudra) by birth in the Vedas nor any mention of taking dowry during marriages.

Note: This article is prepared carefully keeping all points in mind, having lot of conversations with many people, observing couples who have lived together for more than 50 years, understanding and lot of research.This article is so-prepared so as to decrease divorces and encourage love between husband and wife and parents and children. In short to keep a family together.