Child to Teen (aka psychopath) to Regretful AdultsteemCreated with Sketch.

in love •  last year


When bratteam were children, we loved the world and everything in it. There's nothing as pure the innocence of a child. You never talked back to your elders. If you did... well a good smack on the ass from mammy dearest was in order and probably rightly so! In Ireland, there is no greater threat than the threat of the wooden spoon across the rear end. You did what you were told without question. A sigh or even an eye roll was also met with the threat of the wooden spoon. Mammy and Daddy were your idols until around the rough age of ten or so. Ah, those were the days.


Pre-teen to teen, life became a little more complicated. The hormones were racing, traumatic changes happened to our bodies, we became aliens in our own skin and this resulted in the terrible mood swings of the TEENAGER!!! Dum dum duuuuuuuum! Ms. Bratteam had a pretty easy time, as did Mr. Bratteam. Still respectful to our parents, still wanting to be good children, still kind of doing what we were told. But, unfortunately that is not always the case... nope, We are never having kids, nope, no way, no thanks, the little divils! Well, We have certainly seen some overnight changes in pre-teens. Literally menstrual cycle drops, raging psychopathatic female teenager ensues. Or balls drop, moody snapping male teenager ensues. Overnight. It's unbelievable. Hormones are like these little soldiers of terror, pulsating through the teenage body, turning every cell into this angry, snappy, murderous unicell. What the hell???


As for mother and father, or ma and da, or mammy and daddy, or mama and papa... well you don't have a name anymore. You are an eye roll, a sigh, a grunt, a "whatever", a "shut up", a "you don't understand", a "leave me alone" or silence, deafening, but at times glorious silence. You are uncool. You are embarrassing. Your little girl or boy that was your best friend yesterday evening is now this grumbling growling monster that can't even bear to look at you. That runs out of the house without asking permission, returning form their travels at an ungodly hour after doing god knows what! Nope, we are NEVER having kids, like... EVER!!! We don't want to be thought of as uncool or embarrassing... we are hip, you know, down with the kids... Ahem...

One day, you become an adult and you realise what a dick you were. Poor mammy and daddy... how did they deal with us at all. It literally is like a spiritual awakening one day... you think back to your teen years and inwardly cringe and hang your head in shame at all the crap you used to say or do. Wishing to turn back the clock and take back some of those mean words you said. Say sorry to the folks for making their life so difficult. In fact, say sorry to all mankind for making life so difficult and for all the poisonous toxic waste that was screamed out of your mouth for the guts of six to eight years. But... what goes around, come around. Karma is a dish best served cold. So welcome the day when your loving child becomes a raging, fuming, screaming demon. So, just to clarify the point, never have kids... or else, do, then when their hormones kick in, take some Valium to numb the pain for the rest of their teenage years. Yep, never having kids... no thanks!


Bratteam x

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