The One and Only, it

Drug? Are you kidding me? It doesn't even come close.

It's the worst of it. It completely shuts you down. It paralyzes you. It can make you feel worthless, or at its extreme, you actually become good for nobody.

You never reach at a stage where you're totally infallible from it.

It is never easy. You might get better of handling it after years of experience and training. But you'll never be able to put away temporarily.

It disconnects your from doing anything meaningful. Makes you susceptible to everything.

Every time you are out of it, you feel like you've conquered it. You mistakenly believe that you'll now take care of it handsomely when it hits you again. But you are dead wrong. You are always vulnerable to it.

The worst part is you are never ready for it. It comes unnoticed. Just when you weren't expecting. Like last time, and before, and before, and before...

This time it came from a little spark of imagination. Sometimes your imagination creates falsehood reality and hits you hard. I mean very hard.

"I thought she liked me."

....

...

..

Going back to the "it", it can knock you off center. It puts you down on your knees and sink you into the hole of helplessness and despair.

It's never how not to get hit, but it's a game of how you pick yourself up.

The question is how do you get out of this fu*k.

Can't get a hold of anything, how do you climb back?

There's only one way.

The only way with the most resistance. The only way that you don't even consider doing, because you've tried but it's not working. Yes, the advice that you hear from all those people as if it's easy to do, you yourself included.

Do it anyway. Regardless of in the presence of "it".

The catch is you don't have to suppress it. Because if your goal is to suppress, it's not going to work. You mind is built to dramatize and to focus on things that you wish not to think about.

So, your option to suppress it and bury related thoughts into the sand is out of the question.

Presenting the one and only, called feeling.

The it.

But I'll face it and pick myself up inch by inch.

Because, it's the only game your play when you are dealing with your feeling.

//Letter to myself after love confession//