A Beginners Guide On How To Attract Men

If you're a human being, there is a 91.5683% chance to be exact that you want to be in a relationship or make love. It's human nature; and unfortunately human nature sometimes sucks duck. 

Tired of being alone and neglected by the male species of this world? You are not alone! Today I will be teaching you the easiest way to attract men! It's so easy a caveman can do it!

1. What men care about.

There are four things men only care about. Sex, hot girls, having sex with hot girls, and talking to hot girls hoping to get sex!

2. How to attract men.

It's really easy to attract a male's attention. All you have to is dress really hot and revealing and talk about how lonely you are! And then men will come to you! Quite a lot of men... Oh my gawd! so many men!

3. What to say on a first date?

Remember when I said that men only care about hot you are? So you don't have to worry about what you say at all. Men are automatically won over by you if they think you're hot! Love watching barney? No problem! Have weird interests? No problemo! Like eating cockroaches and farting loudly on 1st dates? Okay that's a little weird but as long as he thinks he's getting laid, no problem at all! He will be so mesmerized by your beauty, he wont give a shit about your weird quirks and interests and he will pretend he actually cares about what you have to say!

So women, I DARE YOU to talk about a weird made up interest. I DARE YOU. 2 bucks he still shows interest.

Wanna hear a funny joke? Women have it soooo finding a man who's interested... So hard... *cough* 60+ matches on Tinder in a week.

Change it to women have it sooo hard finding a man who's interested who doesn't care only about my body or looks and cares about me for who I am as a person! Then that statement would be reasonable.

4. Dateable Women vs Undateable Woman!

Unlike men where only the top 10% of men are desirable by the majority of females. A staggering 50% of females are desirable by the majority of males! This basically means that as long as you're a normal looking girl, you should have at least several guys secretly wanting to "netflix and chill" with you. Below is a graph designed by top leading love scientist Ryan C. Crest showing you dateable vs undateable women based on values of hotness and craziness. 

The bottom half of the graph shows the women that would be considered dateable to men based on her hotness and craziness. As a woman's hotness goes up, the higher craziness a man can tolerate. For instance if you somehow got a date with Mia Khalifa, (search incognite mode, you're welcome) she could talk about her love of eating cockroaches, begin doing fart noises with her armpits while you're eating, and then begin barking at you about womens rights, and you'd say okay no big deal because she's friggin hot! But if this was Rosie O'Donnell doing that, no that shit ain't gonna fly.

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And this is my award-winning revolutionary advice! You'll be attracting men in no time! Really in no time whatsoever... You've probably had several new messages from thirsty guys on Tinder by the time you got done reading this post!

About the author:

Alvorek is a dating exxxpert who has actually never had a girlfriend or any interaction with women lasting a minute or more. He once managed to talk to his crush without shitting his pants, those days are long gone though...