The Upside of Being Turned Down in Love

Dear to us are those who love us… but dearer are those who reject us as unworthy, for they add another life; they build a heaven before us whereof we had not dreamed, and thereby supply to us new powers out of the recesses of the spirit, and urge us to new and unattempted performances.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson, Author, Poet and Philosopher

You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of love and sex; a journey into a wondrous land of kink where boundaries are constantly being pushed, that of people who know when to stop, not say things that hurt your mind, don’t fuck with your feelings, know what they want and are psychologically and emotionally balanced. . That’s the signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Twilight Zone! (it’s a bar in Hell’s Kitchen). Or any bar will do. Well, Anyway that’s the way it used to be. Now we’ve got OkCupid! Woo hoo. Party on demand. Let’s back up a minute…

Smart, confident guys that know what they want don’t wait, don’t make you wait and they do not fuck around. They like to have fun, they are gentlemen and they TAKE CHARGE. They ask you straight up if you are interested and don’t beat around the bush. Then they move into action.

Well, yeah, in a perfect world. But we don’t live in a perfect world do we? Sure, this can happen. But love can bring up our worst fears about deserving it.

And sometimes the timing is just not right and this is something we need to understand. Sometimes a man or a woman just CANNOT BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER HOW BADLY THEY MAY WANT TO. At another place and time things could turn out differently. But not now and it can be hard not to take things personally.

But there is one way to find out. Because what if you really have fallen for someone and you know you would be great together and for some reason things haven’t been able to gel?

You can extend the invitation.

I’m not talking about chasing a person down. I’m talking about a heart to heart. I’m talking about vulnerability. This takes courage because we will be facing our own fear of not deserving love and possibly being rejected. But this accomplishes a couple of things.

First, we give it a chance. We give ourselves a chance. The compassion is for ourselves first and foremost and we deserve love. So, we reach out and tell the person that the connection you have with them matters to you, you care and that you are available for a conversation. Give them a chance. Love can be scary for all of us so be gentle with yourself and with them.

Second, if you are hurting over someone it will be hard to move on. If you are walking around wondering if it ever could have worked out it’s going to be hard to open yourself up to someone new. So, you get it out in the open so you can let it go and not walk around feeling divided. And when you know that you tried you can find peace with it. It also opens you up to an inner strength that you know your love for your own self is alive and well and you move on in life on your own side. You become more whole.

Then if they are not there, they are not there. It does not matter what the reason is. This is your opportunity to go deeper to find out and get what you want and need. If you are waiting around for a guy. Don’t. Keep meeting other men and keep having fun. This is the key. Just keep it movin’. It’s an amazing revelation the day you meet a guy that is ready and right for you. Maybe even more than one. Keep your options open until you find that person that is there for you.

You are the prize.

Let’s celebrate.