I m really F*ck up

I don't know what i m going to write here but here i m trying to find the woeds i need to maybe i can explain myself .
I m 21 years old man and i m lost . It's like i lost my motivation gonna in a second , i can't feel anything anymore and i mean it , i had some bad times and memories but i kept holding them back inside me and i think they got me and kill me .
I m an engineering student and i remembre this is what i wanted since i was littele kid and i was pumped up when i got accepted and now i m a lazy f*cker who spent his day day dreaming and making plans that he will never have the guts to do . FUUCK i feel sorry for my self . people tries to find themselves but i think it got me for a long time ...