“Nobody can break your heart. They can break your expectations. When they break your expectations, you will eventually surrender and move closer to your heart.” -Kyle Cease
Today I was inspired to explore the subject of expectation. It is not the easiest thing for me to talk about because I have them. And I still get hung up on them from time to time. So why don't we both let go of our expectations for this post.
First and foremost, any time that change happens, it is uncomfortable because we have an expectation of how things are supposed to go. They have happened the same way so many times that we expect them to be that same way today. The fear of change is there because we perceive the predictable is safe. Which means when we expect something to be a certain way and it plays out the way we think it will, then we are safe. If we didn't die yesterday and everything plays out the exact same way, pretty good chance we aren't going to die today. Anything other than that happens then fear, panic, frustration, or a million other variations of fear can ensue.
The more detailed the expectation, the more our world crumbles when it doesn't happen.
It's a very interesting paradox because if I have absolutely no expectations, I’m kind of blowing in the wind and feel aimless. If I have too many expectations, I know I’m going to be let down by myself and by the universe time and time again. That is why I believe the magical formula is to have 100% on an intention of what you want to create and let the universe fill in the details. I feel the feeling of what I want and let the Universe paint the picture.
Don’t get me wrong I like to imagine what it will be like when the desire comes into reality, but I don’t get too attached on the story playing out like it does in my mind. It is like a movie that you know is going to be good and you are sure there is going to be a happy ending but everything in between that you don't know keeps you on the edge of your seat.
In my daily life, I have an expectation that things are going to go well for me. Everything always seems to work out. However, I have no clue exactly how the good things are going to come into my life. As I spoke about yesterday, I am constantly being taught to see a silver lining in all things.
We expect the sun to come up in the morning, that's a pretty bankable expectation. But when we feel the same way about the people in our lives and expect them to be there forever, in my opinion, we are just setting ourselves up for or a broken heart. A broken expectation rather.
People come into our lives when they are supposed to, teach us what they are here to teach us, and then they go. Probably tough to hear because it is tough for me to write, but it's the truth. The only one constant you have is you. You will always be you. You will always be the one occupying your skin. You'll always be the one you wake up with. Self-love is one of the things that we know we should do more of, we know we should make it a priority, but we have been taught that self-love is selfish. Or because of all the negative thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves.
I was this way not too long ago. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw were the things I hated about myself. But this too can change. I learned so much about self-love from Louise Hay. She offers the way to begin the practice of self-love is with mirror work. If you feel up to it I invite you to look in the mirror every morning and say, "I love you. I love you so much. I love everything about you. I accept you just as you are. You are my favorite person in the entire world. I'm looking forward to loving you more today than I did yesterday." It is a life-changing practice.
You'll hear every relationship guru or coach tell you that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. It's like putting on the oxygen mask in the airplane. You must put yours on first before you can help anyone else, even your own child. This is because when you look for love outside of you, you will always be disappointed. It is looking for love in all the wrong places and is the cause of so much pain on this planet.
Have you ever heard this before, “Do you really love me?” Or “How can you love me, you don’t even know me.” Or “How come you can’t love me the way I want to be loved?” Easy, because only you can do that.
For me, I notice it in my own relationships. When someone is a friend, I have certain expectations: honesty, integrity, and open communication. But as soon as a friendship starts to switch to something romantic, my expectations change rapidly, and I find myself measuring this person to the idea I have in my head of what “The One” supposed to be like.
I'm in no way saying you shouldn't know what you want in a relationship. We date, we get to know people, we have experiences because we want to figure out what we like and don't like. Not saying you should push past things you see as red flags either.
However, if there's an expectation that someone is supposed to do something for you, or be a certain way, and they don't know that expectation because you haven't communicated it. Or you don't even know where that expectation came from, then you are in for a world of hurt. When it comes to relationships of all kinds, it's a good idea to put your expectations out on the table. Not only for them to know but for you to examine where these expectations came from.
Which ones are really important? Which ones are really you? Why are you attached to them? Where did they come from, something you saw growing up, or something you experienced in the past? Are they deal breakers or not? Can you move past them or not? For me, there's some that I cannot move past, and there's some that I can. But to know that I have certain expectations and to see how high I set the bar, is something both people should know.
Expect good things to come into your life. Expect love. Just don't get hung up on all the packaging. Don't get hung up on the "when" and "how" it comes in, or what it looks like, because it's all good. If you knew how everything was going to unfold in your life, that would be pretty boring. But if you knew that no matter how it unfolds, it will all be good, now that sounds like fun!
Good Journey My Friends