Complaining is an Opportunity for Growth

“The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced." ~ Unknown

I wrote last time about gratitude and its importance in cultivating happiness. I am going to continue on that path because after writing about gratitude last time I felt really good. And then I noticed how bad I felt when I would complain about anything. I would feel off not just when I complained but even when I agreed and went along with anyone else’s complaints. It felt rotten in my gut. I believe after writing the last article about the importance of forgiveness it helped shine the light on when I tend to bitch and moan. Or more accurately, when I put my attention and energy on the things that make me unhappy.

I am grateful because shortly after that post I encountered people that showed me how we can tend to communicate through whining about circumstances and events. It showed how much I still need to work on. It gave me an awareness that even though we want to connect, communicate, and find things we have in common as humans there are positive and negative ways of going about this.

I have a habit of bitching and it is funny because I also notice I am not the only one. I notice that we tend to do it to build rapport. We talk about how terrible the weather is within the first few minutes of meeting a brand-new person. A new person we have literally been waiting our entire lives to meet and the first things out of our mouths can be purely negative.

I remember first becoming aware of this about ten years ago when I was at a seminar with my mother. I don’t really recall what the seminar was about, but we were on our lunch break and sat down next to some very lovely people in the hotel diner. Within the first two sentences out of my mom’s mouth she was complaining about the drive and the traffic to get to the conference. Before we even knew their names. What’s even crazier is that these nice people were in complete agreement with my mother and they were going back and forth about the most dreadful thing they encountered that day. I remember my jaw literally being wide open as I noticed it for the first time in my life. Building rapport through a common hatred of something.

Now to give you even more context my mother was one of the sweetest human beings you would ever meet. A good person through and through with a heart of solid gold. I don’t say that just because she was my mom, everyone in her life felt that way about her. She would give what little money we had growing up to make sure someone in need didn’t go hungry. That is partially why I was so shocked at what I was hearing. The other part of the crazy realization was that she had done it for years and that she had taught me by example to do it. I had probably been doing it my whole life without ever noticing it until that day.

Here is the thing, we all do this. Because even though I noticed it ten years ago I also noticed me doing this just last week. The difference though is that this past week, it didn’t feel normal, it didn't feel comfortable, and it definitely didn’t go unnoticed by my gut. I think what I wrote in my last post helped me better tune in and listen to myself.

I said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t like being angry, I like feeling happy.

In my opinion complaining is the opposite of gratitude. It is the looking and bemoaning the state of affairs that you do not like. By contrast gratitude is uplifting and promoting the things in life that you really do enjoy. So simply put, if gratitude opens the heart to all of life’s joys then complaining closes it.

You see if you believe in the law of attraction as I do then you must realize that the more you complain the more the universe will bring you more to complain about. Or maybe you will just notice more and more of the “problems” of the world and you’ll feel more powerless to stop them. Until all you will see is problems, all there will be are things to be angry about. Injustices and slights everywhere. Fear and anger will become your dominant vibration and your fuse will become shorter and shorter. With more to set you off because what you put out comes back to you. My father was like this growing up, he could explode at a moment’s notice. Have you ever been around someone with a short fuse always ready to blow?

But in every single situation in life there is always a silver lining. There is always a way to take responsibility for the how you feel and how you perceive a situation. If you can find the silver lining and focus on it, talk about it, and expand on it you can turn the negative thought around.

Let’s go back to the example of traffic. No one likes traffic right? No one likes sitting in their car for a long time especially when you have somewhere to be and are running late. So, let’s turn it around just for fun, just to see if we can. What can we possibly find that is positive about traffic?

Well if you are sitting in traffic that means you own a car or at the very least are getting a ride. I’m grateful to own a car and I love it when people drive me places, so many good conversations to have. I’m grateful to be licensed to drive. I’m grateful to have gas in my vehicle and that it is insured just in case something happens. I appreciate the ability to turn on good music while I drive. Grateful to be able to listen to an audio book or call a loved one while I am in my car. I’m so happy there is so much technology to entertain me while I drive. I’m happy to be able to meditate while stuck at a long stop. To be able look around and see all the beautiful scenery I usually miss while focusing on the fast-moving drivers around me. I’m happy to have the time alone, to sit in peace. I’m grateful that I have been driving so long that my subconscious mind can do most of the task for me without too much effort or stress. I’m grateful the automobile was invented. I’m so happy to drive a car instead of riding a horse, taking a carriage, or a wagon, or a donkey, or a camel. While I love walking I am grateful that is not the only way I have to get around. I appreciate everyone who built the roads that I drive on. I love that I live in such a vibrant place that so many other people want to live here too. So many people living together like this makes so many other magical things possible.

Wow, I kind of impressed myself with how many things I found to be grateful for when focused on the positives of a simple thing like traffic. How many more can you find? I pray I have the courage and focus to practice this on things that make me more than just a little upset like traffic does. I hope you do too. Because if we are complaining about anything then we are complaining about life and All That Is hears it and says, “they sure like this vibration of bitching, let’s keep it going for them.”

The ironic thing about this post is that I am in essence complaining about complaining, when I do it and when others are doing it, and that too is complaining. That is the philosophical double bind, the cosmic joke. So, I will end by saying that I am grateful for the awareness of when I am putting my attention on negativity and verbalizing it. I’m so happy my gut tells me when I am commiserating about the unwanted things in life. I am enjoying this evolution of figuring things out. I love the clarity that writing and exploring my thoughts, words, and feelings brings. I’m happy I get to share what I have learned. I am grateful for the realizations that a new day brings. I appreciate…. well you get it.

Good Journey My Friends