I appreciate your insight and honesty about your experience. From the time we are young we experience life and pain in life, and we learn to adapt ways to avoid that pain. Sometimes what we adapt can get us through difficult experiences because it affects our brain chemistry as you mention, but doesn't solve the underlying problems. I think learning to adopt healthy and balanced approaches to managing pain or loneliness in our lives can be a great benefit and bring about a greater joy in life than consistently going back to the things we know are the quick fix. Soon, as you describe even after your second trip back to thailand, the quick fixes aren't as uplifting. Our minds also as you mention become fixated on that fix, even when we aren't involved with it. It takes some real work and dedication to finding better solutions. I myself have only begun this journey and am near your age. I too have become focused on this type of travel and the wonderful feelings it gives me. It has changed my life. I recently quit my job and started my own company. I'm learning to give back to myself in positive ways that create value in my life. I have met other men who have no relationship with a female who are more positive about life than I think I could ever be. I have a long way to go, but I think the journey is an important one.